Hard time with my daughter.

So very sorry to hear this. Teen years are so hard, but so is cancer.

Judy

Laz - we too have a 15 yr old daughter- UGH!   I try to tell my husband to be her friend and let me parent her for awhile.  He grew up with just brothers and doesn't get the whole teenage girl thing.  They are tough.    Maybe you can try being her friend and let her mom be the parent.  That is not to say let her get away with stuff - just don't try to control every little thing.    Please don't turn her away.  I know she looks and sounds like an adult, but she's still a kid that is probably very scared.  My daughter puts on the tough front but has broken down to me several times - never to her dad. I think she is just pissed off that he is sick and upsetting her life!    Give her space but don't shut her out.   Text her every day to let her know that you love her and are thinking of her and want to spend time with her when she is able to be kind.  Oh and please try to say nice things about her mom..as difficult as it may be.

Good luck and don't forget about the whole frontal lobe thing with teenagers....

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124119468

lp1964 said:

I'm trying,

Everything you say is true and I agree with. But how can you work with the other parent who tells my daughter and me that I'm not that sick and I'm just trying to get out of paying support, while I have incredible pain, blood, stool and mucous oozing out of my butt and I still drive an hour and a half one way to work and pay her more than $5700 support a month. She has no moral inhibition and can't realize that she is not just hurting me but demaging our daughter too.

My daughter believed all her lies about me and she told them to my face. I still try to hang in there, but now that I'm ill,  I just have hard time to fight it. I know I can't and won't get out of her life, but things need to change. Her attitude makes me depressed and more sick and I'm not a wimp. It's real.

Thank you for listening.

 

Someone always gets hurt regardless of how amicable a divorce is..teenage girls...their hormones are going nuts, they float between wanting to be the baby girl and the grown woman all at once.  Continue to love her, if she doesn't want to spend time with you, not much you can do about that..Just keep letting her know, you love her no matter what.

Do you think she might be protecting herself, if she thinks you are going to die and leave her, she may be trying to distance herself now thinking it won't hurt so bad if it happens.

Kids are smart, they see through bull crap fairly quickly and if that is what mom is feeding her, it will eventually bite her in the butt!

I raised two boys and now have a 10 year old going on 20 year old granddaughter..her daddy came over the other day talking about how she was happy one minute and crying the next!   I told him to just wait it would get even better!

Keep loving her!  Good luck!  Hope you get to feeling better physically and emotionally!

Debbie

This is a difficult situation.  My husband's exwife used to tell his kids what a terrible parent he was, how he didn't love them, doesn't want them around, etc. etc.  If they said that to him he would calmly tell them just the opposite, never demeaning the mother though, and he was just there when they needed him.  After they grew up, they realized all that their mother told them about my husband was untrue and now see her in a different light today.  Try to stay strong for your daughter.  She really does need you whether it seems it or not.  Tell her that you are going through a very difficult time right now and how much her support would help you get through it.  Be with her when you can and reassure her that you will always love her.  Hope things turn around for you.

Kim

lp1964 said:

I'm trying,

Everything you say is true and I agree with. But how can you work with the other parent who tells my daughter and me that I'm not that sick and I'm just trying to get out of paying support, while I have incredible pain, blood, stool and mucous oozing out of my butt and I still drive an hour and a half one way to work and pay her more than $5700 support a month. She has no moral inhibition and can't realize that she is not just hurting me but demaging our daughter too.

My daughter believed all her lies about me and she told them to my face. I still try to hang in there, but now that I'm ill,  I just have hard time to fight it. I know I can't and won't get out of her life, but things need to change. Her attitude makes me depressed and more sick and I'm not a wimp. It's real.

Thank you for listening.

 

I divorced 8 years ago and my children were 16, 14, 12, and 10.  My ex husband has kept me in court ever since.  I will point out that he has never won a case.  He is a case.  With that being said, I do not talk to him and haven't in over 6 years- not one word.  It is possible to raise children without talking to the other parent.  I can't think of any time that our "lack" of communication caused a problem. 

Now for the point I wanted to make.  I raised 4 teenagers in the wake of a nasty divorce.  I rarely spoke badly of their father.  If I did, it was a quick "what an ****" and I was done.  If they asked questions about our relationship, I gave them the simplest honest answer and left it at that.  To put it all plainly, I didn't include them in my feelings of the divorce.  Of course, he didn't hold back.  He used every opportunity to bad mouth me to them and lied regularly.  Now....I raised smart children.  I took the 'high road" and kept my mouth shut.  I just kept being myself, loving and supporting them.     But....  They, one by one, took time away from me to stay with him and I reluctantly but quietly let them go.  And..... They each came back.  

Now that they are all adults, I have their love and more importantly, their respect.  And sadly, he only has their obligatory love. 

Just keep loving her.  Tell her often.  Be her guide even when she rejects your advice.  Give her space, but always be available.  And leave her mother out of your relationship with her.  She will come around.  She will. 

Hugs!