really!!!!! hubby says I am always angry

HI,

My husband was DX in 2011 with stage 4.  He is doing well now and is still NED.  However; I do know that when a loved one has cancer, it changes the whole family. It's anger, fear, thankfulness, and any and all other emotion you can think of.  The thing is, I think that we lash out to those we are close to.  My husband will get kind of mean sometimes.  But I know he is the sweeties soul I have ever known.  It's always around the time of his examine. 

I have a friend that has breast  cancer and she told me when she found out about my husband, he is going to get mean sometimes. LOL

We all know that just because you are NED at the moment, it is a chance it will come back. So I think that you guys are the one who is dealing with it hand on.  It takes courage and perseverance.  So I think you should get a pass.  Just remember we have a lot going on inside of us also.  My number one think is he may not be with me for ever.  Lord knows that was never any guarantee this would happen anyway. But cancer kind of made it real.  You guys will be fine, just be patient with each other and each others feelings.

CP

First off my dear woman, let me tell you that you are my Zen.  When I see your picture sitting there in your cabin, I know that there will be kind words to whomever you are writing to, I enjoy all your posts and they just put me in a peaceful mode.

Secondly, it's the RETIREMENT!!  My goodness, thank God I went back to college, being in the house 24/7 with your loved one who has decided they retired as mine did is nerve racking.  They have lost their sense of purpose and money isn't what it used to be and for some reason they like to blame their unhappiness on who ever is handy. I wish mine would find a hobby or a charity to go spend time at so that his sense of purpose in life can come back to him.  They just do not realize that staying at home is hard on them when they were used to going to work 5 days a week and interacting with others, they do not realize that they miss that.

Here's hoping things improve, and thank you, you wonderful lady for being whom you are. I can honestly say I love your personality, your wisdom and your kind words.

Winter Marie

bspangler47 said:

anger

Hi everyone,

 

I havent been on here for awhile.  It seems one thing after another..............

 

Gosh, I can relate to so much "anger".  I am on my own with two children still at home, 13 and 11.  Being married I know isnt easy at all, and then to add cancer to it, adds alot more stress and other emtoions.  Maybe its him being home now.  To much togetherness?.  My father became ill a few yrs after he retired, he had bladder Cancer, COPD, end stage renal disease etc.  My mom because more and more angry with him.  They live in a small town, so my sister would have to take him to the bigger city for his drs appts etc.  My mom would rarely go.  She would call me being very upset.  I would go home on leave, she has horrible with him.  Then when he did pass away it wasnt any better.  But it was my moms way of dealing with it.  She was mad at the end for him passing away and leaving her behind.

 

As for myself, since this fight with CA (I am in remission) I am finding myself getting alot more angry, my younger kids help settle me down.  But I do realize I get mad alot more now etc. 

I started to post this individually but realized it should probably go here. My aunt, stage 4 colon cancer, diagnosed in 2011 (February), her son diagnosed with Esophageal cancer in Jan 2011, her husband passed suddenly in May of 2011, her son passed away April 2013. She's so angry at everyone. For the most part my brother and I take care of her (she is still struggling to do her daily things for herself) we try to be there for support and to do household/outside things that she can no longer do. But, she acts like she hates us. Whatever we do is wrong--even if we do it exactly as she says. Everything (and I do mean everything) makes her mad and hateful towards us. She's not happy we are there but if we aren't around she's not happy. If we are sitting she's mad but if we're standing she's mad (that type of angry). NOTHING makes her calm. Sometimes I wonder how she cannot realize that we are giving up our own lives to help her--not that we mind, what I mean by that is: my house stands empty for weeks, my mail is gotten by my daughter, I miss time from work, I've hired a person to do my lawn, and I'm thinking of hiring someone to clean my house too since I'm not there enough to do any of those things anymore. I know she has plenty to be angry about and I understand that, I can even understand taking that anger out on us now and then---but it's all the time. Someone here mentioned that it's like walking on eggshells---THAT is how it is with my aunt. We can't even tie a bag of trash the right way to suit her or sit in a chair the way she thinks we should! Should we just give up and leave her alone? She threw a temper last Sunday saying that she's NEVER alone--in two years she's never been alone (that's what she said) but I left from her home and went to work 10 hour days two of 9 days last week. I've left her home in tears and drove home crying (I live 90 minutes away). I guess I just never expected the verbal abuse I'm getting.

Maybe your husband is a lot like mine... He needs something that he can fix...a problem that he can help you solve.  My husband is a fixer...give him a job and he is on it.  This cancer thing...he knows there is nothing he can do to fix it..  my husband said one time last year that he thought I am more angry and more on edge ..actually I have been much more patient with other people and things no longer have to be perfect.  cancer has changed me and my family forever.  

alex

geotina said:

Hi Mag:

Just catching up on some posts......

Unfortunately George was  angry and he said he didn't realize it.  

Most of the time I simply walked away muttering damn cancer under my breath.  Then, I came up with telling him the cancer was talking again and he would ask what the heck I meant and after saying this a few times he realized what he was saying.  He had no clue he was using his "sharp tongue" with me.   I just figured it was part of the journey and he truly was not conscious of it.  I will say on so many occasions he said I'm sorry, I just didn't realize so I just stopped saying anything and simply walked away.

Tell hubby I said he just has to ignore it. 

Love ya - Tina

OMG, get him out of the house!  My husband and would be at each other contantly.  Everyone needs space.  I alwyas iiked my time home along, just to sit and nothing or what I wanted without asnwering to anyone but me

In the begining, I was on an antidepresent to take the edge off my words.  I was working full time and tired and had a lot of BS going on at work.   I hate being tired and in pain all the time, it really sucsks and it doesn't make me a happy person.    But the antidepressent made me reflect that the little arguments stopped, was it me!  Made me step back and think before I said anthing.  No reason to bite his head off, because of issues I had to deal with.  Married 30 years. 

Cancer changes us forever.