Distant friend?

I have a family of

I have a family of aquintances. I send the wife cards to cheer her up. I send her two minor children $25 on their birthday with a card that fits their personality, send the wife and husband bday cards. I never get a thank you (cept for a few times from the minor kids).

I never get a thank you from her. Recently she was going through a very rough patch so I bought her a card that opens up to a bouquet of flowers in a pot, three D kind of. Not one work of thanks.

She never asks how I am doing. And if she does, it goes right back to her.

I talk with Brian about it. I told him, I know if  you do something nice for someone you really shouldn't expect anything in return, but a thank  you sure would be nice.

You sound like a wonderful, caring friend. The other lady, not so much. I know it hurts to be left out, but maybe it is for the better. She sounds like she is a fair weather friend. I don't believe she deserves  you as a friend.Sometimes we have to cut all ties with people who are toxic to us. It is very hard at first, but then eventually time heals.

I hope you find a peaceful solution for yourself.

You may find as time goes on that you have a lot of them....
at least until your treatments are done. The up side is you will most likely be amazed as you find that some who you neger considered really close, are the most caring and warm hearted. One 'close' friend I finally wrote off after 2 years of hurtful remarks etc. Now she is calling as she is waitin on results of brca, 3 new family members diagnosed wih bc, her mother passed years ago from it. Now she is scared and I am her only friend who 'understands'.
I let the hurt go... and truly feel bad for her, but I really no longer considernher a good friend.
I agree wih the others, most peoplenreallyndont know what to say or do, so they do nothing, and we arenso strong being cancer 'survivors' that we dont need anything.
Younwill be surprised, some will come around and some won't. But I really have to believe that
Carolmost really do care.

Marnold49 said:

thank you all SO much! What

thank you all SO much! What you are saying makes sense. I guess I just never thought about the fact that they might not know what to do. I just assumed that listening was a given. But, now that I read your responses realize that listening may be hard for her. It may be too scary for her. She is very much a "doer" so maybe I'll give her tasks to help out with so she feels useful and I don't feel neglected. Maybe the conversations will come on their own. I'm still hurt, but I guess it's part of the process. I think I'm just in the phase of resentment. I resent cancer and I resent the fact that it seems to be taking over EVERY aspect of my life! Don't get me wrong, I appreciate promoting (breast) cancer awareness, but I need a break. It's everywhere! Go the the grocery- there's pink ribbon bottles; on a walk- relay for life yard signs; watch the news- Susan G Komen commercials; go to church- someone just died of breast cancer....and on & on & on. Why aren't we allowed to walk away from it for just a few moments?!

You are certainly correct about breast cancer awareness.  There needs to be awareness to make certain that women and men know the signs of breast cancer, women have their yearly mammogram and etc.  However, one doesn't need the pink ribbon items in the commercial places like the big box stores..  Most are there to make a profit for themselves, it rarely goes to research.  Susan G Komen "Race for the Cure" once did a marvelous thing, Nancy Brinker, Susan's sister took breast cancer out of the closet and made it a very public word tied with a big pink ribbon.  She realized early that finding the cure was not going to be easy and to keep her organization going she put a lot of emphasis on "survivors".  Not a bad thing either, 70% of those who have had treatment for breast cancer remain in that percentage and never have another recurrencer of if they do, it is a local or regional one that doesn't change their stats.

30% of women and men will go on to be stage IV and that is the percentage you don't hear much about especially from the Komen Foundation.  In the last few years MBCN (metastatic breast cancer network) and METAvivor have been working hard to expose us in order that research money goes into finding a cure for the only stage that women and men die.  Presently 2% of the funds research metastatic breast cancer disease.  METAvivor wants 30% of money raise to go into research for stage 4, it is called 30% for 30% (of the people).  Komen foundation spends more money on administration, awareness, early detection than into research for a cure.  

Pinking becomes worst in September/October where you can get away from those jumping on the bandwagon selling their pink products to profit themselves.  Very little if you check closely goes to research.  

I can understand your resenting breast cancer.  I did and still do.  Just ignore the pink ribbons, don't listen to negative talkers telling you about their aunt Ann who had this disease, don't Google (old stats) find good web discussion board (this one is good) and try to keep positive during this hard time.  Ask for help from your friends when you need it, tell them what you need, they can't guess and if you need to talk, come here or tell them, I just need to talk, can you listen to me.  

Sorry this is to long.

Wishing you the best,

Doris