Scared

Pauley13,

Couple of thoughts As a 44 year old father of four (14,12,3.5,2)......

1) it's natural to be scared as well as its hard to diminish the fear with anything other than time and education.  Stick with SmartPatients.com or this board for input and guidance.  Stay away from google.  In time,  the shock will deminish and you'll resume some resemblance of the life you had..But..you'll have to learn to live as a survivor.  Living though is the key word.   it takes some of us longer than others but you will feel better after some time down the road.  Personally, I'm viewing the entire experience as more of a gift these days.  I never really noticed the trees, the wry smile of my littlest in her impish mannerisms, the beauty outside. Etc..etc..etc   It's a gift to value more greatly that which we were fortunate to have not lost.

the second thought is to see if there's a local support group/network for kids who have parents with cancer.  Here in Austin,  my two oldest joined Wonders and worries and have gone monthly for over a year.  It's free thanks to fundraising and monies from Livestrong.  The chance for kids, with a therapist, to express their pain, confusion and fear was/is huge and while I am fine and doing well, they too fell the anxiety of Upcoming scans.

welcome aboard.  You'll do fine and as mentioned  above, early detection is a very, very good thing.

Astros2013

pauley13 said:

Stros2013

Thanks. I never thought about a group for them.  I will definitely check into that.  Getting them involved is scary for me.  I just dont want them to worry. 

I am really all so new to all this.  i just dont know how to handle it all myself.  What is all the steps.  I was diagnosed with Clear Cell Renal Carcinoma, he said surgery, now what?  I go back Wednesday to get more details and plan.  I am more than overwhelm at this point and time.  My fiance is being so great to let me cry when i need to cry, ramble when i need to ramble. He is my rock.  I just dont know what to expect.  I guess its like a emotional rollercoster.

What you're doing is the process.  This is emotional.  You've been told that you have cancer.  Continue to lean on your fiancé, friends and this board for support.  We've all been where you are.  

The hard part is trying to understand the significance of your tumor size.  That's the education piece.  Smaller rumors have a very good chance of non recurrence.  Believe in that as best you can.

expect to be in the hospital for a few days.  Expect some level of pain afterwards (dependent on your procedure for removal of the tu,or).  Expect to continue with highs and lows emotionally even after the surgery.  Plan to have help around the house for three or four weeks.

the big thing that helped me was having someone with me in the doc meetings.  Emotionally I couldn't take it in.  My wife wrote everything down and askEd all of the questions we had written down the night before.  It was huge.  Later,  when I was less numb we went over what the doc had said and I was a little more able to separate the fear from reality.

you will be fine.  Keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Keep on, keep on.  You'll do great.

garym said:

Ditto...

That's great advice!!!

Well said! 

Your kiddos are only young, not stupid.  They are looking for the same truth  and openess from you that you expect from them.  I think I'd tailor it to age appropriate, and look for a group for them as well.!

I'm wishing all the best for you and your family!  You will handle this!  Believe me!

Michael

pauley13 said:

Lesions??

So i meet with my urologist/oncologist/surgeon Wednesday...i am nervous what all will go on.. we are suppose to schedule surgery. But is that it, diagnose then surgery? Nothing in between??  My CT shows that i have a "focal lesion" on my left side of my uterus (my rcc is in left kidney). What does that mean? can anyone help

Pauley,

Surgery usually precedes final diagnosis with this nasty little bugger.  It did in my case for sure.  With a very healthy remaining kidney, it was the least risky option.  I didn't officially become a "cancer patient" until after the pathology report.  If your mass is intact and fully encapsulated, they don't want to risk a biopsy is my take.  There are others who can speak with more authority on that.

Life with one kidney can be very very normal.  My mother had a radical and a partial nephrectomy in 1966.  She lived a very full life until 2001. It means some modifications, but no diminishing of the quality.

Hang in!  It is the anticipation that is your greatest enemy right now.

Michael

Djinnie said:

Lesions

Hi Pauley, 

We have all been in your shoes, it is a scary situation to be in. Try not to let your mind create a blue print of a negative outcome, you will come through this and have your whole future to look forward to.

I know you are in a dilemma about whether to talk to you young family about this. You know children pick up on things very quickly, they are intelligent and intuitive. They will take their cue from you, if you appear scared then so will they be. If it were my choice I would explain to them so they know what to expect, and just reassure them that you will be fine. Because you will be:)

I had major surgery when my daughter was just six years old. We bought her a nurses outfit and a doctors bag, and made her my special nurse. She loved coming in to take my temperature and listen to my heart. It was not a frightening experience for her at all. Might be worth thinking about something like that for your little one.

Don't worry too much about the lesion right now, wait to hear what your doctor says tomorrow. Quite often small lesions seen on the uterus are polyps or small fibroids.

There is usually no where else to go now but surgery, I hope they give you an early date. All the best for tomorrow:-)

 

Djinnie x

 

 

 

Hey Djinnie.. sorry, but I have no uterus..!  Oh, you meant the surgery..  In today's medicine, the Scan you had is good enough for the Doctor to have a real good idea of what that mass is.  I think doctors differ on the biopsy, yea or nay..    Hang in there... remember the fear is far worse than the reality..  It sounds like you will be just fine..!

Be Well..

Ron

Bellweather said:

Great advice from Stros

One step at a time, you will get through this!!

Beautiful family by the way Stros!!!

Pauley, I too am scared sometimes.  For me it helps to read a good book, play board games with my family, anything to pre occupy my mind.  I think everyone here has their moments of aprehension as it is natural.  Stay as active as possible and keep moving forward.  I hope this helps, our prayers are with you.

pauley13 said:

Thanks Jim.  I actually took

Thanks Jim.  I actually took my kids to the cancer center with me one day while i pre reg for my surgery. They actually got to meet they entire surgery team, (doc, assist, and the 2 nurses).  Everyone was awesome with them.  i gave them a few days to let it sink in then while we were on the front porch one evening my middle child decided she had questions and then they all had questions.  we set out there (no phone , no tv, no distractions) and discussed it for about a hour or so.  they are smart kids, they have been around the medical field (their dad owns a ambulance company and i have always worked at the hospital) so they understand and know alot about things.  But i still kept it down to age appropriate when discussing it. 

Almost a year later now for you, how are you doing??

Thanks

Crystal 

yes its almost a year now how time flies. did my blood work, next month is xray, then sept is a cat scan then done for 6 months..after my surgery couldnt do much for 6 weeks so i got lazy and put on 20lbs..now i have that to take care of also..lol.i have been working since april so thought it would come of easier but no luck..are they going to take your whole kidney or part of it as you are younger than i am. my spot was at the top of my kidney so they took about 30% of it.my family wanted them to take it all, so i talked it over with the doc and he said they are finding it better to leave as much as they can in case of a problem with the other one which make sence..when are you going in for yours..    talk later