I have to ask . . .

saintmont said:

I get down too

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi, I get down too, usually around scan time.  After the scans I generally start to pick up. Then its the wait to get the results from the oncologist that's when I get really nervous. I did have a really bad month in April. But I talked to one of the drs and he set me straight. I am coming up to my 2nd year since surgery and 1st year since being told that I had mets in the lungs. I am having a week off Votrient because of severe diaherea, then going one a lower dose for a month then back up to the higher dose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

hi

Saintmont,

There are many on this board with less than perfect results and who manage to press forword in beating this little sucker.

Icemantoo

DonMiller said:

I am so much better off then many of the people here

Hey Michael

I was trying to think of something that might be helpful but almost a year down the road I know how you feel.  I have scans scheduled for July 10^th and it’s constantly on my mind.  I am at high risk of reoccurrence and I know it.  My oldest son is graduating with Distinction from Cambridge with an LLM a week from Saturday.  It’s a big deal but I just don’t feel like flying to England.  It’s not because I went through most of our money and can’t really afford it anymore. It’s certainly not that I am not proud of him and normally would be shamelessly bragging.  When I was a kid I remember this Bob Dylan song in which he sang (well to the extent he sang) “He not busy being born, is busy dying”.  I have been able to hide this from almost everyone except my wife………she knows and I know she is worried.  Got to stay busy being born but it aint so easy.

 

Don 

Going in this morning for my 1st scan (PET) since surgery 5 weeks ago. I am more nervous than I was the day of the cutting..I have experienced the ups and downs too. The diagnosis and surgery was swift, and now I feel like I have come out of a hurricane (which I have actually experienced over my years on the coast of South Carolina). 

Makes me feel better knowing I am not alone in my emotions, feelings...looking for more "up" days down this road, hopefully after a positive repot from today's scan...I do have faith, always have, and I do trust God, but I also lock my car!

so glad to have found this group!!!!

MDCinSC said:

Bless you man!

I've been fortunate so far that my up days far outnumber my down days. 

A dear friend of mine urges me to stop each morning and make alist of the things I am more grateful for. A suspect that helps crystalize a positive outlook. 

I know I am grateful they found it so early; I am grateful to still be able to work; that I am able to function and take care of myself; that I can look into the faces of my students and see a vibrant future for them whether I am still around or not and know that I helped them achieve that.

Its not the end I fear.  Thats natural and normal; a part of living. It is the journey and how it can be impacted by this disease that worries me. 

I am thankful for every day I can get up and function in the world.  I hope you can find that joy too.

Pax

Michael

Hi Michael:I think I am about a week ahead of you surgery-wise.  I got double whammied with the death of my young step-daughter before surgery and the death of my one and only sibling sister just after surgery.  You talk about depression!  I cry so much every day, I hope it's not depleting all the water I am taking in for my OAO kidney.  I just can't seem to pull myself out of it.  I go nowhere, I see no one and barely talk to anyone either. Many friends called and came by shortly after but most of them are gone now for the Summer. My feeling is that I really don't care about the Cancer anymore as I have lost all my loved ones and the will to live is waning.  I know I am a real downer here for this board of very encouraging people.  But sometimes it just helps to vent.  I think the person above who said she kept a journal is a good idea, might help.  I don't and can't take meds as I tried them all after my husband died 10 years ago.  Made me a zombie.  I think I ought to go talk to a priest to give me some strength to fight these feelings.  Many suggest grief counseling but it expensive, at least for me.

As far as my surgery, I feel okay, have not had first testing yet.  And the person above...not sure who, that said when they tell you they got it all and it hasn't spread sure didn't help my state of mind.  I was encouraged when told that.  Now I just have to worry about it all over again.