Not the Day or the Way I Wanted to Mark 9-Years:(

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Comments

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #82
    hopeandcure said:

    Happy Anniversary :)

    Celebrete the 9 years you got Smile Happy Anniversary on your 9th Year .. Excited for you .. Keep up that fight!

    Tina

    Hope-n-Cure

    Your name says it all:)

    Thank you for your well wishes, Tina....when things settle down, I hope to remind myself of what you said:)

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #83
    Annabelle41415 said:

    Sorry

    Just can't express how badly I'm feeling that you got this bad news today and now what lies ahead for you.  Rest assured that you are very much cared for on this board and  we are all pulling for you.  I'm hoping that it is something that they can nip in the bud fast so you can get back to being "you."  I'm sure you will continue to fight as hard as you did previously and come out a winner once again.

    Kim

    Ahh, Kim

    We'll just go with that one....

    :)

    As always, thank you for your support!

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #84
    maglets said:

    darn

    darn dang and triple darn.....not news any of us wants to hear....crap....I hate this.  hang in dear friend

    mags

    Maggie May:)

    Do you see what lengths I gotta' go to just to get you out of the cabin?

    LOL!

    I understand what you're telling me....

    Thanks for visiting!

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #85
    herdizziness said:

    Well don't that bite big time

    I'm just  so ticked off right now that it dared to invade you once again, that I can't see straight.

    Well brother from another mother, your just going to have to put those Big Billy spurs on, saddle up and kick cancers @ss once again.

    Yep, it ain't fun, it ain't right, and d@mn I know we get tired of it daring to show up again on us.  But you'll do it.

    I'm hoping for an isolated area that can be cut out.  I know you're feeling let down and deflated, but you can handle it, you're my buddy, someone I've got a ton of faith in.  I look forward to my nine years someday and beyond, you and Phil are busy paving the way for us.

    Love and hugs,

    Winter Marie

    Hi Winter:)

    I've got to give the nod to Phil....looks like he'll get the 'last word' in after all:)

    Maybe:)

    That's an old inside joke of Phil's everybody....

    Thanks, Winter and congrats on all of your success - all the way around!

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #86
    Joy1216 said:

    Not the Post I Expected

    I was expecting an upbeat celebratory post.  Boy was I disappointed to read your post.   I'm so sorry that you got that kicked in the stomach feeling.  Just hang in and see what the MRI and CT show.  I'll be praying for you.

    Joy

    Thanks Joy!

    Nice to see you again....

    We had the upbeat post prior to this one.....I finally got one of my cancer stories published in a major cancer magazine - COPING.

    Now, that was upbeat.....

    The 9-year post was a good one too...good stuff that would have helped new folks....I can't even open it up anymore....just don't want to look at it now....it's like those thoughts just died.

    Which was why this post one broke my heart....that's why I put a :(

    Anyway, I've pulled a rabbit out of my (gotcha) before.....so we'll see if Sundini has any tricks left at all.

     

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #87
    Cathleen Mary said:

    Nine years is worth

    Nine years is worth celebrating as is getting published!  Congrats on both counts. Don't let thoughts of another cancer take this from you.

    I am sorry you even have the anxiety of thinking about another bout let alone if it turns out to be so. Know you have my prayers and the support of a lot of people who care for you.

    Cathleen Mary

    Hi Cathleen:)

    Where have you been keeping yourself:)

    All of you are right, of course.  I was just 'blinded' all of a sudden and had my joy snatched....I don't get good news too often to share up here.....so I had been really looking forward to giving the community some positive news with the publishing thing.

    Thank you for your kind words....I'm holding on to all of the words in this post:)

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #88
    KathiM said:

    sigh.....

    Sending big hugs to my gentleman cowboy....

     

    Knuffels, Kathi

     

    (My beau was put on the heart transplant list on Friday....this was NOT a good day, it seems, for any of us!!!)

    KM

    I'm sorry about Beau...let's hope that something good comes through there....

     

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #89
    barbebarb said:

    Long day

    Dear Craig I am so sorry to read your posts with this recent cea report. Please know your 9 year accomplishment whipping this insidious disease has been an inspiration for all of us. Your writing accomplishment is awesome and so well deserved. This disease does not let allow us to let our guard down as Chelsea, said I believe. Its is so hard to live on call. Will be waiting to know what is happening and hoping for the best. For every downfall we envision there can be a victory. The lion roars and I am rooting for you. Fondly. Barb

    Hi Barbie:)

    Finally found you a new nickname:)

    Living On-Call is an apt description of how we go about it alright.....

    I think that is the hardest part...to not really be able to put down any real plans in cement.....you wonder Should I or Shouldn't I?

    And this is with everything? 

    You want to move ahead....but you know where the stumbling blocks are...and it paralyzes us all to a certain extent.

    I was just getting to a point where I could see something over the hill....had dared to try and make plans for later this year and part of next year.

    Silly Rabbit! 

    Trix are for kids:)

    I just wanted to say that I'm so proud of you and all that you're doing....you're really shining a light for me with what you're going through. 

    Fondly as well,

    -The Lion

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #90
    wawaju04976 said:

    It sucks, you've kicked its

    It sucks, you've kicked its ars b4, you will kick its ars again. Get those boxing gloves out and be ready to put'em on if need be!

    Judy

    Hi Judy...

    Message received - and understood!

    :)

    Thank you and continued best to you and your husband as well...I've been following....

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #91
    lilacbrroller said:

    bummer

    HI, Craig. I'm sorry to hear that. But nine years is pretty awesome to hang around. Hopefully you'll get another nine, to be sure. 

    Keep pluggin,

     

    Karin

    Hey Karin

    9 years is pretty big in our world here....

    We'll see how much I can carve out this time if need be.

    Thanks for posting.

  • lizdeli
    lizdeli Member Posts: 569 Member
    #92
    rogina2336 said:

    Thinking and sending positive

    Thinking and sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! You have a whole lot more writing to do for all of our benefit!! Cool keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.  kim

     

    Craig

    First of all congratulations on your 9 years!  Secondly, you have dealt with this disease in such a courageous and inspiring way and in my heart I feel there is still a lot of fight in you. Right now you are dealing with an  incremental rise in your CEA.  That is all that is known at this point.  Your doctors and nurses obviously care about you very much and I am sure that are cheering you on as much as everyone else.  So any anamoly is going to have them concerned.  I understand about reading every word and expression from our medical support teams.  Right now, as best I can tell from reading all the posts, they know what you know - your CEA is up a bit. I am going to be praying for you and hoping that it's not what you think it is.

    Hugs,

    Liz

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #93
    rogina2336 said:

    Thinking and sending positive

    Thinking and sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! You have a whole lot more writing to do for all of our benefit!! Cool keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.  kim

     

    Hi Kim:)

    Keeping you and yours in thought as well....I've been keeping up with you too:)

    More writing to come?

    :)

    Thanks for coming out to see me today!

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #94
    lizdeli said:

    Craig

    First of all congratulations on your 9 years!  Secondly, you have dealt with this disease in such a courageous and inspiring way and in my heart I feel there is still a lot of fight in you. Right now you are dealing with an  incremental rise in your CEA.  That is all that is known at this point.  Your doctors and nurses obviously care about you very much and I am sure that are cheering you on as much as everyone else.  So any anamoly is going to have them concerned.  I understand about reading every word and expression from our medical support teams.  Right now, as best I can tell from reading all the posts, they know what you know - your CEA is up a bit. I am going to be praying for you and hoping that it's not what you think it is.

    Hugs,

    Liz

    Hi Liz:

    Yes of course, that's absolutely right!

    I believe they are concerned - which is what concerned me.....if they had blown it off, I might have been better:)

    I'm gonna' feel pretty stupid if this doesn't turn out to be something...

    It was just the overall thing.....my wife and I were talking about it....and from the minute he hit the door, I got this distinct impression that he knew something that I didn't know. 

    Just the way he comported himself...

    And he never calls.....this was just the 2nd time in my 4-years there....

    There's just something about the possibility of #4 unmasking itself that unnerved me....and it's so very hard for me to express what those kind of thoughts and feelings feel like.....1-2-3....4?

    Maybe, I've over-reacted, which is generally not me....I'm general a pretty cool customer.....

    Before my dad passed away.....he called me a "Stud Poker Face."  It was not meant as a compliment, but rather that I hid my emotions so well that nobody, nor he, could every get a good reading on what I was thinking or feeling....unless I wanted them to.

    It is a trait that was learned and has been very useful in many situations in my life

    But, with everyone here, I can drop the pretense, and just talk about what I need to discuss.....

    I spend my entire workweek in silence....the guys have not spoken to me in 16-months up here, not one word.  They are doing a freeze-out to try and drive me out of here.....they have tried many times before, even with the help of the management team up here......they know I've got cancer. 

    They know I'm mentally tough and won't crack...but keeping up appearances and putting on a stone-face wears you down year after year.  I spend most of my time alone with my thoughts.....and I just needed to get some of that anxiety off my chest. 

    I didn't mean to upset anybody...I just couldn't keep it inside....guess I just needed to talk...and write....

    Thank you, Liz....and am so glad that you are doing so well! 

    Thanks for making the journey over here:)

    Hey, at least we're going to be published.....that was a good thing that rose from the rubble.

  • thingy45
    thingy45 Member Posts: 632 Member
    #95
    WOW

    Hi Craig,

     

    You for sure know how to get a ladies attention. WOW. I go away for a few days,knowing Big Billy will  be published, all happy and smiles for my Texas brother and then  THIS.

    Man..... what can I say. What ever it will be, they got it early, we will all be here for you fighting and cheering you on. We know you can do , whatever is requested of you.

    I know, because we so need you here with us and for us.

    I wish I was in Texas, might be next year I have friends in the state and will be visiting close to Houston. When I make it I deffinately will look you up and get and give a BIG Hug.

    Love you Craig , Marjan

  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #96
    thingy45 said:

    WOW

    Hi Craig,

     

    You for sure know how to get a ladies attention. WOW. I go away for a few days,knowing Big Billy will  be published, all happy and smiles for my Texas brother and then  THIS.

    Man..... what can I say. What ever it will be, they got it early, we will all be here for you fighting and cheering you on. We know you can do , whatever is requested of you.

    I know, because we so need you here with us and for us.

    I wish I was in Texas, might be next year I have friends in the state and will be visiting close to Houston. When I make it I deffinately will look you up and get and give a BIG Hug.

    Love you Craig , Marjan

    Awww

    sorry keeping u and your family in my prayers

     

    love 

    michelle

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #97
    thingy45 said:

    WOW

    Hi Craig,

     

    You for sure know how to get a ladies attention. WOW. I go away for a few days,knowing Big Billy will  be published, all happy and smiles for my Texas brother and then  THIS.

    Man..... what can I say. What ever it will be, they got it early, we will all be here for you fighting and cheering you on. We know you can do , whatever is requested of you.

    I know, because we so need you here with us and for us.

    I wish I was in Texas, might be next year I have friends in the state and will be visiting close to Houston. When I make it I deffinately will look you up and get and give a BIG Hug.

    Love you Craig , Marjan

    I Should Have Stayed With the Big Billy Story...

    I never know when to quit:)

    Houston is 260 miles south from me down I-45:)

    I'm sorry, Marjan...

    I've struggled most of my nearly 52-years....and just when it was time to break the good news about the publishing deal, this came up......

    You know how much work goes into just submissions, much less getting selected.  It felt really good there for a couple of days.....but after a couple of years.....I should have gotten more than a couple of days.

    Things don't always work out like we want them too.....and still I'm pi$$ed....

    I just want the whole thing to be over with....nine years, I'm tired of it....I want to move on like so many of you have...

    That's all...

    Just hopeful that we'll see where the trouble is stemming from....and will remain guarded that a surgical intervention can be done....and that chemicals are not involved this tiime around.

    I'm not going to make it anymore with a chemo battle, unless it were short-lived, 6-months tops.

    I'll be peeing through a straw after that.....my kidneys were extremely compromised by Irinotecan...

    It seems with every recurrence, you can just about take away 2-years of hard work right off the top....a year in the fight if you're lucky enough to have it come to a close....and another year to recover. 

    I'm having a hard time staring at the possible 4th time....I'm just being honest with you....multiple recurrences shatter the illusions that we hide behind....

    I'll get it together, or at least I'll stop talking about it....

    Take care and thanks for posting - I know you've got plenty of challenges as well....wish we all didn't have such a hard line to tow.

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #98
    angelsbaby said:

    Awww

    sorry keeping u and your family in my prayers

     

    love 

    michelle

    Thanks Michelle

    And I wanted to add that I was sorry to read your post about your brother's passing...

    It's nice that you still come here and visit with old friends....

    I hope for clear skies for you from here on in:)

  • thingy45
    thingy45 Member Posts: 632 Member
    #99
    Sundanceh said:

    I Should Have Stayed With the Big Billy Story...

    I never know when to quit:)

    Houston is 260 miles south from me down I-45:)

    I'm sorry, Marjan...

    I've struggled most of my nearly 52-years....and just when it was time to break the good news about the publishing deal, this came up......

    You know how much work goes into just submissions, much less getting selected.  It felt really good there for a couple of days.....but after a couple of years.....I should have gotten more than a couple of days.

    Things don't always work out like we want them too.....and still I'm pi$$ed....

    I just want the whole thing to be over with....nine years, I'm tired of it....I want to move on like so many of you have...

    That's all...

    Just hopeful that we'll see where the trouble is stemming from....and will remain guarded that a surgical intervention can be done....and that chemicals are not involved this tiime around.

    I'm not going to make it anymore with a chemo battle, unless it were short-lived, 6-months tops.

    I'll be peeing through a straw after that.....my kidneys were extremely compromised by Irinotecan...

    It seems with every recurrence, you can just about take away 2-years of hard work right off the top....a year in the fight if you're lucky enough to have it come to a close....and another year to recover. 

    I'm having a hard time staring at the possible 4th time....I'm just being honest with you....multiple recurrences shatter the illusions that we hide behind....

    I'll get it together, or at least I'll stop talking about it....

    Take care and thanks for posting - I know you've got plenty of challenges as well....wish we all didn't have such a hard line to tow.

    Distance no problem

    Craig, don't care how far your are, IF I get to Texas...... I get to the Lion, by car by train or crawling.

    You have no choice in the matter friend. I understand you frame of mined, I wish  I could send you some of my  health, however I was just diagnosed with a major hernia so...... Back to surgery for me to have it fixed, minor compard to what others here on the board are facing.

     

    Craig you and Kim are in my thoughts and prayers,

    Marjan

  • thxmiker
    thxmiker Member Posts: 1,278 Member
    #100
    We all need to celebrate

    We all need to celebrate every day we can look down at the flowers instead of up at them.    

     

    This was told to me from a friend Jim, whom was 81 and enduring his forth battle with cancer. Ironicaly, we had a similar career path and the same cancer.  We need to live in the positive, and Fight the good Fight!  (Another one stolen from Jim.)

     

    Best Always,  mike 

  • fatbob2010
    fatbob2010 Member Posts: 467 Member
    #101
    Celebrate

    You and Kim haave made it this far and should celebrate that accomplishment.  None of us know's what the future holds.

    I suggest that you worry about tomorrow only after it gets here.  Try and avoid the pre event anxiety caused by a trip through castle "What If."  The castle "What If" is dark and dank with nary a good smell to be found.

    Celebrate the accomplishment and fight on should it need be tomorrow.

    Art

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