My Mom died I don't know what to do..

Voulgaris123
Voulgaris123 Member Posts: 1
in Anal Cancer #1

its only been a year. A year since I last saw was mom .

I was 16 a freshman in Highschool. you could say my family was already dysfunctional but that would be a understatement my life was already a roller coster before ... well before it happrned. you see My life was predetermined for me she set up everything for me  i i did swimming, I did dance I played soccer. We didn't have money for a lot of the other things I did along with all of those things but she would do anything sacrifice anything to get me where I needed to go where I wanted to be. It was February 5th when that all changed. at first I didn't know what to think . I didn't even want  to think so I didn't the day my mom died you know what I did . I went out and I got drunk . And the next weekend I did it again and again and it felt great. Made me forget forget that evertime I was home she wasn't there  when my mom died it was my dad me and my little sister who wAs 13. My dad gave up on me the first month of summer I ran wild I did what I wanted whenever I wanted to . I hung out with the wrong crowd I did things I should have never done .... I try'd kill myself . I left home house jumped many times I  would go in depth but that would take forever . Basically what I want to know is I'm here sitting here alone I'm always alone... And I'm wondering am I always gonna feel like this like noone loves me like I'm worthless that nothing is going for me that im a...  fallure a junky As my dad says . Am I ever going to be able to get past this hole in my chest. Because if I'm not then I can't be here anymore I need to be with her Iif am going to feel like this my hole liFe. I can't take much more any longer.. 

Comments

  • Marynb
    Marynb Member Posts: 1,118
    #2
    Voulgaris
    Dear child, you are grieving and all of your actions the past year have been your way of coping with feelings of profound loss. By writing this, you have made a new start. You recognize that it is time to make some changes. It is time for you to start fresh, move forward, live well.

    Your mother loved you and would not want you to be so unhappy. I am a Mom with one child who I raised alone. I will most likely be leaving her behind. I can say for sure that your Mom would want you to remember everything she taught you, all the love she gave you. Love is all that I will leave behind for my daughter. Love is what your Mom left you with. Can you use that Love to go forward in life and have a rich and wonderful life? You will honor your Mom by living well. Take the best of all that she gave you and remember her everytime you smile, or feel love, or accomplish something that you never thought you could. You are her child. She is in you, and your children will have you in them. That is life. Keep the love she gave you in your heart and be proud of who you are. Your Mom would want it that way.
  • Lorikat
    Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
    #3
    Marynb said:

    Voulgaris
    Dear child, you are grieving and all of your actions the past year have been your way of coping with feelings of profound loss. By writing this, you have made a new start. You recognize that it is time to make some changes. It is time for you to start fresh, move forward, live well.

    Your mother loved you and would not want you to be so unhappy. I am a Mom with one child who I raised alone. I will most likely be leaving her behind. I can say for sure that your Mom would want you to remember everything she taught you, all the love she gave you. Love is all that I will leave behind for my daughter. Love is what your Mom left you with. Can you use that Love to go forward in life and have a rich and wonderful life? You will honor your Mom by living well. Take the best of all that she gave you and remember her everytime you smile, or feel love, or accomplish something that you never thought you could. You are her child. She is in you, and your children will have you in them. That is life. Keep the love she gave you in your heart and be proud of who you are. Your Mom would want it that way.

    Mary..

    That was awesome...  for all of us who have lost our parents, no matter our age.  Thank You

     

  • sandysp
    sandysp Member Posts: 868 Member
    #4
    Talk to her

    Your heart sounds like it is breaking.

    I believe it helps to talk with them. I lost my daughter when she was 20 and my Mom this last year. It is like having parts of myself dead sometimes. I like and was encouraged to believe by my priest, that the "veil" that separates is actually very thin and they feel our attentiveness not matter where they are in time or space. Whether it is them, or the part of myself that is missing I am talking to, I cannot say, but it does help me to have mental conversations with my mother, father and daughter on the other side.

    Hope this helps.

    Alcohol is a depressant. I do much better functioning without it. For me it magnifies everything and has little long term effect numbing sorrow. I thought it was a help but now that I have gone many years without drinking, I find life is much less sad. I also became a vegan and believe that is good for mood also.

    Good luck,

    Sandy

  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    #5
    Hey Girl,

    I have a daughter same age as you and I have bad cancer. So I wonder a lot how is she gonna be when I get really sick or die.

    This is what I have been teaching her:

    Every single day we have to make choices. These choices make up our day, days make up our weeks, weeks make up our years and years make up our life. So how your life is gonna be is up to the little choices you make every day. You can choose to go to school or hang out with the wrong crowd. You can choose to pick up the bottle or you can choose to pick up a glass of juice. You can choose to make your life hard by concentrating on what you lost in your mom or you can choose to cherrish all the good stuff you guys did together.

    You know what is right and you know what is wrong. Choose the good every time you can. Start with physical changes: take care of yourself, dress a little better, keep your hair and nails nice, keep your room clean and neat and train yourself to think about the good things in life: search for them, find them, stop and appreciate them. You don't have to worry about the bad stuff, it will always find you. you just have to deal with that.

    Let me know if you need anything else and all the best for you. Laz

  • Marynb
    Marynb Member Posts: 1,118
    #6
    sandysp said:

    Talk to her

    Your heart sounds like it is breaking.

    I believe it helps to talk with them. I lost my daughter when she was 20 and my Mom this last year. It is like having parts of myself dead sometimes. I like and was encouraged to believe by my priest, that the "veil" that separates is actually very thin and they feel our attentiveness not matter where they are in time or space. Whether it is them, or the part of myself that is missing I am talking to, I cannot say, but it does help me to have mental conversations with my mother, father and daughter on the other side.

    Hope this helps.

    Alcohol is a depressant. I do much better functioning without it. For me it magnifies everything and has little long term effect numbing sorrow. I thought it was a help but now that I have gone many years without drinking, I find life is much less sad. I also became a vegan and believe that is good for mood also.

    Good luck,

    Sandy

    Sandy
    God bless you! You have endured so much. I just cannot imagine such a loss. I do believe there is a thin veil too. I speak with my Mom and my best friend all the time.
  • Marynb
    Marynb Member Posts: 1,118
    #7
    lp1964 said:

    Hey Girl,

    I have a daughter same age as you and I have bad cancer. So I wonder a lot how is she gonna be when I get really sick or die.

    This is what I have been teaching her:

    Every single day we have to make choices. These choices make up our day, days make up our weeks, weeks make up our years and years make up our life. So how your life is gonna be is up to the little choices you make every day. You can choose to go to school or hang out with the wrong crowd. You can choose to pick up the bottle or you can choose to pick up a glass of juice. You can choose to make your life hard by concentrating on what you lost in your mom or you can choose to cherrish all the good stuff you guys did together.

    You know what is right and you know what is wrong. Choose the good every time you can. Start with physical changes: take care of yourself, dress a little better, keep your hair and nails nice, keep your room clean and neat and train yourself to think about the good things in life: search for them, find them, stop and appreciate them. You don't have to worry about the bad stuff, it will always find you. you just have to deal with that.

    Let me know if you need anything else and all the best for you. Laz

    Lp
    That is good advice for all of us. I too have a daughter the same age. I like the way you put this. Thanks!
  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #8
    You need to do a few things

    You need to do a few things for yourself to help yourself, one recognize that you are worth life.  There are a few things that can help you.  Go to school and tell them you need a bereavement group.  This group can help you get the anger out.  Next scream.  I know it sounds funny but really just scream until you can't scream anymore.  Cry your eyes out, let it go until you can't anymore.  Go to a counselor and tell her you are depressed and you need help to get to a doctor and get antidepressants.  Those will help you greatly.  You can take low doses and use them only temporarily.  They put happy hormones in your body so you are able to function.  They don't completely get rid of your feelings, just make them a little easier to deal with and lastly you need to talk your friends about what you're feeling, talk to relatives, talk to teachers, talk to strangers on the suicide hotline.  Talk to anyone who will listen anytime you need it.  Come on here and ask for help!  You are worth life.  You really are!  It will get better as you get older, I promise.

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