Tim6003 Update and a few prayers could be used if you all don't mind

Tim6003
Tim6003 Member Posts: 1,514 Member
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

Hey All.

 

Sure have missed talking to all of you as well as missed keeping up.  I apologize in advance if I have not responded to posts to say I'm thinking about, whispering prayers and what have you.

Some of you may not know, I went to Daytona Beach to check on my mother, the visit was 10 days and upon the first day or two of arrival I knew there was trouble.  I have been keeping up with mom nearly every day since dad died two years ago, I knew she had been struggling with keeping her finances in order due to possible Alzheimers / dementia.  My time down there revealed just how bad it was.

 

Suffice to say mom did agree to come back with me from Daytona to Idaho for six weeks to "get examined" ...but boy is she really hostile to any mention of the big three (Parkinsons, Alzheimer's or dementia) .....mom had made multiple calls to the police dept about "the man in the attic" as well as other things.  He short term memory is absolutely shot.  She should not be driving and she can no loner cook.

The doctors office visit Monday with her newly established primary pulled me aside as we were leaving his office and stated to me "she should not return to Daytona or be left alone" ....we did an MRI today and will most likely see a neurologist soon.

My dad passed of acute Leukemia in May 2011, he was dx in January 2011 ...just two months before he died he apparently drew up Durable Power of Attorney papers that he had mom sign as well as him.  This has turned out to be a godsend as the attorney I spoke to today said with that POA and with a doctors determination that mom is unable to care for herself I could in fact take gaurdianship of her. 

Since my flight down to Daytona on May 25 I have been nonstop with mom (and a flight to Seattle in between for a meeting).  I guess I am going on here....

...bottom line here is if you all don't mind, I would like some prayers for mom and I and my family during this transition.  I don't want to pull the trigger to take gaurdianship, and the last few weeks I have not felt well...probably too getting a little scanxiety for my upcoming scan on June 21.

So again, my apologies if I have not responded to anyone, sent any words of concern or replied to any of your posts ...like I said, I sure do miss talking shop with you all....know I care, just have been running like crazy...

Whispered a group prayer for all my H&N forum friends as I hit post ...sorry this most recent post was more about me and my mom.....but hey, you all are like family.

Thanks guys ...I hope to get back on talking shop soon

John (skiffin) I still can't believe I was only a couple of hours from you and could not get down to see ya!

Tim

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Comments

  • donfoo
    donfoo Member Posts: 1,773 Member
    #2
    Thanks

    Thansk for taking the time for the update, Tim. I know how hard it can be to get even a few minutes of time to focus when on such an intense journey yourself. You did not mention siblings so it seems like you are the sole caregiver responsible for your Mom. If you happen to have siblings, I can only encourage you to reach out to them for the sake of your Mom. 

    I am very glad the strategy of a short visit with Tim is working out. It seems by far the most effective and efficient way to ensure continuity of care during these transitions. Having only my Mother's own experience to draw on with Alz disease, you are likely making decisions, even though they may seem short term, that will likely be longer term solutionss. I am sure you have thought this through and God bless you have had this time away to think things through.

    I know God and faith are strong components of your fiber so He is always there for your comfort and assurance. You will stay strong and be a great caregiver to your Mom, and Idaho with your family seems like a wondeful place.

    The only challenge will be to see how long it takes you to retrain Mom in aminal skinning and meat trmming. LOL

    God bless,

    don

     

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,724 Member
    #3
    Welcome back

    Hey Tim,

    10 days on the road, you must be ready to be home.  I am sorry to hear about your Mom, just do what is right and the best you can (I know you will).

    Good luck with your scan, my appointment (yesterday) came back all clear so we can be clean and cancer free together.

    I’ll say a prayer for you and your Mom.

    Matt

  • wolfen
    wolfen Member Posts: 1,324 Member
    #4
    CivilMatt said:

    Welcome back

    Hey Tim,

    10 days on the road, you must be ready to be home.  I am sorry to hear about your Mom, just do what is right and the best you can (I know you will).

    Good luck with your scan, my appointment (yesterday) came back all clear so we can be clean and cancer free together.

    I’ll say a prayer for you and your Mom.

    Matt

    No Apologies Necessary, Tim

    My heart goes out to you & your family as you try to peacefully take care of your mother & her affairs. I faced a similar situation with my mother when she had a stroke at age 90. She was an independent little fireball(I mean that in a nice way), but was forced to give up her home, car & independence.

    No one is ever fully prepared to become their parent's "parent". I know it must be difficult for both of you, especially if she is mostly cognizant at this time. I was somewhat fortunate in that my mother didn't really understand what had happened to her. There was no anger in her, just confusion as to why she couldn't go home & there was no way to communicate with her.  It was heartbreaking, nonetheless.

    Just try to keep things on an even keel the best you can. Try not to let the stress get to you(silly suggestion, I know).

    I will be thinking of you.

    Luv,

    Wolfen

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    #5
    Tim

    So sorry to hear about your Mom.  Believe me I know how hard it is to deal with a parent.  Thankfully my mother still had her mind but during her last 3 years of life, it got to a point we couldn't leave her alone.  I had her for most of that time, or I should say my husband took care of her since I was still working but she did live with us.  At that time we didn't have my husband's cancer to deal with.  The extra stress for you is hard.  I do have siblings but at that time only one lived closed and she would take Mom on the week-ends or when we wanted to go out of town.  So that was a blessing. 

    Please take care of yourself and know that you and your family have our thoughts and prayers.

    Sharon

  • NoDuck
    NoDuck Member Posts: 134
    #6
    Prayers For You

    And your family.  Recently dealt with my 80 year old mom who needed back surgery. Lortabs and dementia plus steroids that made her talk nonstop created some new family history stories -- not sure how many are accurate but they were entertaining.

    Dealing with aging parents is tough. We are used to them taking care of us, no matter how old we are. It is doubly hard that the dementia or Alzheimer's makes the parent a less than willing patient.  Remember, it is not her being unreasonable and mean-spirited, it's the disease.

    Hang in there.

    Deb

     

  • yensid683
    yensid683 Member Posts: 349
    #7
    Of course

    Prayers, good thoughts and positive energy for you, her and the family.

    My father in law suffered from vascular dementia for a number of years and finally passed away earlier this year.  It is very hard to watch a loved one fade away like this and even more frustrating for your mother.

    It's never easy

    Peter

  • rachel12yrsuv
    rachel12yrsuv Member Posts: 435
    #8
    Tim,
    dont apologize, life is

    Tim,

    dont apologize, life is full of ups and downs and busy cycles.  Your doing what any good son would do, taking care of Mom!  I will pray for all of you!

     

    God Bless stay strong, no worties scan will be clean!

    Rachel

  • fishmanpa
    fishmanpa Member Posts: 1,227 Member
    #9
    For Sure!

    Tim,

    I had a gut feeling something was amiss. Sorry to hear of the challenges your family is facing but at the same time it's a blessing you're there for your Mom. Nothing is more frustrating than being unable to help or be there for a loved one as many caretakers can attest to while we undergo treatment. 


    Positive thoughts and prayers to you, your Mom and your family in this challenging time. 

    "T"

  • luv4lacrosse
    luv4lacrosse Member Posts: 1,410 Member
    #10
    Prayers and support

    Prayers and encouragement is on the way my friend. Sounds like you have allot on your plate, but thou are strong and will persevere. Your scan date is also my birthday so I hope some B Day mojo rubs off on your scan. My next scan is June 20 so I will either get a great gift or it will be a long day.

    Stay strong

    Best

    Mike

  • MarineE5
    MarineE5 Member Posts: 1,034 Member
    #11
    Tim

    Prayers Outbound for You, Your Mom and the rest of your family.

     

  • TracyLynn72
    TracyLynn72 Member Posts: 839
    #12
    Prayers

    for your entire family!! 

  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
    #13
    luv4lacrosse said:

    Prayers and support

    Prayers and encouragement is on the way my friend. Sounds like you have allot on your plate, but thou are strong and will persevere. Your scan date is also my birthday so I hope some B Day mojo rubs off on your scan. My next scan is June 20 so I will either get a great gift or it will be a long day.

    Stay strong

    Best

    Mike

    on my mind...

    Thanks for posting, both you and Billie have been on my mind of late. My sister and I just had a conversation as to how much more difficult it would be if there weren't 7 children to help with our 87 year old Mom. I know how difficult this must be for you.  We came close to losing my Mom last October as the doctor said she would not see morning and I recall my youngest sister crying and saying she wasn't ready to say good-bye. I told her "this time with Mom is a gift."  Mom bounced back and no matter what comes of the future, I will always be thankful for that time we had to share our feelings with Mom, it truly was a gift. Just last week, my brother told my Mom "our 1st priority is that you are safe and second that you are happy, and we really hope you can be both." I know you are a man of great faith. I pray for God to give you the strength to make the difficult decisions that may lay ahead for your Mom's care and well-being. I also whisper a pray, as you have so kindly done for so many, that your scan is good.

    God Bless,

    Candi 

  • Laralyn
    Laralyn Member Posts: 532
    #14
    You've got one from me!

    It's great that you're taking care of your mom, and I think you'll feel better knowing she's safe. Great to hear from you--and I'm sure the scan will be all clear. :-)

  • CherieLW
    CherieLW Member Posts: 472
    #15
    Prayers for you and your

    Prayers for you and your mom.  Hope things get less stressful and your mother improves! 

  • Grandmax4
    Grandmax4 Member Posts: 723
    #16
    Prayers for you and yours

    Tim, I'm very sorry to read about your Mom..I feel demincia/altzheimers is one of the most devastating diseases out there. It robs your loved one of their life, their memories,their souls~~~as for their kin, to watch your dear one, especially parents, fade into another world is almost unbearable.

    Tim, you're a kind, Christian man and I know you'll do the best you can for your mama~~my prayers are with you and your family as you begin this sad journey.

    Best wishes and God's blessings on you as you take your scan..I just know in my heart it will be okay.

    Love

     

  • Duggie88
    Duggie88 Member Posts: 760 Member
    #17
    Tim

    Back in order in due time.

    Thoughts and prayers

          Jeff

  • hawk711
    hawk711 Member Posts: 566
    #18
    Parents get older for us all......

    Sorry to hear of the troubles with your mother.  Always tough to deal with, no matter how old we are, they are still our parents.  Selling my moms home this month, (hopefully) and she is in a small secure apt now with assistance if needed. 

    Prayers coming your way that this all works out for you and your mom.  Go get the NED report on the 21st !!

    Steve

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #19
    You Got Mine...

    As well as your mother, Jennifer, Kohle, Georgia, Raylan, Jace, and West......phew, I think that I got them all...., LOL.

     

    No problem on the get together, there's always time.... I just might have to come visit you sometime, LOL...

    Stay in touch though, get done what you need to and get your family, and thoughts back to to some normaility...(abi-normal that is...).

     

    ~John

  • Joel4
    Joel4 Member Posts: 263 Member
    #20
    hawk711 said:

    Parents get older for us all......

    Sorry to hear of the troubles with your mother.  Always tough to deal with, no matter how old we are, they are still our parents.  Selling my moms home this month, (hopefully) and she is in a small secure apt now with assistance if needed. 

    Prayers coming your way that this all works out for you and your mom.  Go get the NED report on the 21st !!

    Steve

    Prayers

    Praying for your situation.  Your mother undoubtedly has a great advocate in you.  i will pray that you have the strength to take on these new challenges while going through "scanxiety".  The challenges we face are often great but our God is greater.

  • Ingrid K
    Ingrid K Member Posts: 813
    #21
    You and Mom

    Hi Tim:

    It sounds like you did the right thing bringing Mom back home with you.

    I am going thru the same thing here with my Mom...luckily she lives only 4 doors away, but it still a very hard thing to deal with.  I can't imagine doing it from across the country.

    Wishing you all the best.

    Stay strong.

    Ingrid

    p.s. (I sent you a private message on Facebook the other day as well. Maybe we can help each other)

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