Can't Stop Crying

daddysbestgirl
daddysbestgirl Member Posts: 3
in Grief and Bereavement #1

I lost my beloved father 2 weeks after his diagnosis of Pancreatic Cancer. I am devastated.  It has only been 3 days now that I lost him, but I can't stop crying.  We knew he was losing weight and had not felt well, but we had no idea it was cancer.  We were told he had 2 weeks to a month to live and he passed away exactly 2 weeks after we found out.  I took off work and I stayed with him everyday until his last breath.  I am so glad I was there, but it was also such a terrible way to go.  I feel broken now.  I was greiving the whole 2 weeks when I cared for him, but now I am devastated.  He was so sick at the end I prayed he would pass, but when he did I was so hearbroken all I wanted was him back.  The pain and grief I feel now is unbearable.  I miss him so much already.  I miss the man he was.  He was so frail and weak and sick at the end and that is all I can picture him as.  How do you ever get over this kind of pain?  I know I need time and that things will get better someday, but I also know I will never be the same.  This sadness will always be with me.

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    Hello Again

    I wrote something on other your other post, so I won't repeat myself. Just know that there are many here who understand your pain. Crying is not a bad thing. It helps us cope. Even now, three years after my husbands's death, I find myself in tears. Usually it is something small that sets me off, too. When I run across something and a memory comes. We never stop missing them, but we learn to live with the loss as time passes. Fay

  • apajak6
    apajak6 Member Posts: 4
    #3
    I feel for you because I just

    I feel for you because I just lost my mom this month. I cry everyday all the time and it never ends. I wonder myself if I will ever be able to walk in her room without breaking down. Just know there are others here for support. Best of luck with your life.

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
    apajak6 said:

    I feel for you because I just

    I feel for you because I just lost my mom this month. I cry everyday all the time and it never ends. I wonder myself if I will ever be able to walk in her room without breaking down. Just know there are others here for support. Best of luck with your life.

    Sorry

    I just want you to know that I am sorry you lost your mom. There aren't any words that hethat take care of yourself now. Fay

  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #5
    Thinking of You

    Hi

    I too was my Daddy's Girl. I lost my dad to Esophageal Cancer/liver cancer 3 years ago March 9th.

    It is devastating. It does not get better, but it does get easier to accept. Your dad sounds

    a lot like my dad did at the end. That man was not my dad....he was my dad with

    Cancer. He was in pain, he suffered daily, he was not happy, he did not have a quality

    of life. I was blessed the night my dad passed. He looked peaceful. He was now able

    to rest. My dad is now in heaven. We will see our dad's again. Remember God's promise.

    Those of you who believe in me will have eternal life. You must believe. You must have

    Jesus in your heart. Stay strong, stay positive, have faith. Keep in touch.

    Tina in Va

  • Natalie19
    Natalie19 Member Posts: 9
    #6
    Jun 09, 2013 - 11:03 am


    My

    Jun 09, 2013 - 11:03 am


    My mother passed away age 39 on the 13th of feb 2013 at 10.48am 

    she was diagnosed with cervical cancer only a year early .. It was the hardest year of my life but nothing was harder than now after she passed just over 3months ago . 

     

    I am 19 years old I have a brother who just turned 16 on the 3rd of may and my dads not in the picture my parents divorced 9 years awas Memories of my dad are not fond he was cruel to my mother she had a hard life growing up married at 16 had me at 21 . My mother raised my brother and I on her own it was a hard she was my best friend my only friend and I miss her So much I wake up every morning wishing it was a dream I miss her smile her touch her voice she was taken away from me too soon I'm soon to graduate Uni and she won't be there I can't comprehend her death I was a ghost at her funeral Im confused and I miss her so much I'm angry very angry I don't no why I'm angry at god I'm angry at life and everyone around me . I question why and I beg for her back there is not a day that goes by that I don't cry for her nobody understands and that annoys me I left my boyfriend because he dosnt get it I don't no what's wrong with me I feel his comfort isn't enough he tried but I push him away and I'm angry he dosnt try hard enough it's like nobody understands my mothers not with me anymore

     

    All I hear is time heads all wounds in time everything will be alright what people don't understand is that time is the only thing I don't have with my mum anymore and I hate the word time , time with my mum has been taken away from me and I hate life I hate everything for it I just want to hold her hand. 

     

    I break down everytime I think about her being diagnosed I hate remembering what cancer did to her and the way she changed and  she deteriorated I hate how cancer got her so sick ! And how she was in so much pain ! 

     

    The hardest thing I remember was her last few weeks she stopped talking and responding to us .. Her eyes rolled semi back with yellow pupils her breathing got heavy and slow and she just laid there looking at the ceiling from being 39 year old energetic healthy friend to me doing everything together I'm angry I took her for granted I'm angry at myself I'm angry at cancer I'm angry at myself for being a spoilt teenage growing up and not appreciating my mother as much as I should've I am angry at myself for not doing of saying the things I should've . The hardest was knowing she could hear us but not being able to respond you could see it in her face how frustrated she was that she couldn't respond to us before she couldn't move she used to throw her hands up and sigh because she couldn't talk anymore than eventually she just stopped moving and was only breathing it was hard watching the nurses move her around for her comfort with tears steaming down her face because she was in so much pain I am so angry and can't stop crying I don't no why this is happening to me and I hate how nobody understands me I love her I miss her and I wish she never got cancer why did she have to get cancer she never deserved it ! 

     

     

    I often wonder where she is I question everything I want to no she's ok and she's happy and cancer free 

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #7
    Natalie19 said:

    Jun 09, 2013 - 11:03 am


    My


    Jun 09, 2013 - 11:03 am


    My mother passed away age 39 on the 13th of feb 2013 at 10.48am 

    she was diagnosed with cervical cancer only a year early .. It was the hardest year of my life but nothing was harder than now after she passed just over 3months ago . 

     

    I am 19 years old I have a brother who just turned 16 on the 3rd of may and my dads not in the picture my parents divorced 9 years awas Memories of my dad are not fond he was cruel to my mother she had a hard life growing up married at 16 had me at 21 . My mother raised my brother and I on her own it was a hard she was my best friend my only friend and I miss her So much I wake up every morning wishing it was a dream I miss her smile her touch her voice she was taken away from me too soon I'm soon to graduate Uni and she won't be there I can't comprehend her death I was a ghost at her funeral Im confused and I miss her so much I'm angry very angry I don't no why I'm angry at god I'm angry at life and everyone around me . I question why and I beg for her back there is not a day that goes by that I don't cry for her nobody understands and that annoys me I left my boyfriend because he dosnt get it I don't no what's wrong with me I feel his comfort isn't enough he tried but I push him away and I'm angry he dosnt try hard enough it's like nobody understands my mothers not with me anymore

     

    All I hear is time heads all wounds in time everything will be alright what people don't understand is that time is the only thing I don't have with my mum anymore and I hate the word time , time with my mum has been taken away from me and I hate life I hate everything for it I just want to hold her hand. 

     

    I break down everytime I think about her being diagnosed I hate remembering what cancer did to her and the way she changed and  she deteriorated I hate how cancer got her so sick ! And how she was in so much pain ! 

     

    The hardest thing I remember was her last few weeks she stopped talking and responding to us .. Her eyes rolled semi back with yellow pupils her breathing got heavy and slow and she just laid there looking at the ceiling from being 39 year old energetic healthy friend to me doing everything together I'm angry I took her for granted I'm angry at myself I'm angry at cancer I'm angry at myself for being a spoilt teenage growing up and not appreciating my mother as much as I should've I am angry at myself for not doing of saying the things I should've . The hardest was knowing she could hear us but not being able to respond you could see it in her face how frustrated she was that she couldn't respond to us before she couldn't move she used to throw her hands up and sigh because she couldn't talk anymore than eventually she just stopped moving and was only breathing it was hard watching the nurses move her around for her comfort with tears steaming down her face because she was in so much pain I am so angry and can't stop crying I don't no why this is happening to me and I hate how nobody understands me I love her I miss her and I wish she never got cancer why did she have to get cancer she never deserved it ! 

     

     

    I often wonder where she is I question everything I want to no she's ok and she's happy and cancer free 

    Sorry

    I am so sorry that you lost you mother. anger is a part of the grief process. I know that doesn't help you feel better, but maybe knowing you are not alone in your feelings might. Have you look into grief counselinyou hospice, whether your mom had it or not, can  help you find that or even a grief group. Time does help, but it doesn't totally heal. It does help us move forward and, hopefully, begin remembering the many good memories you made with your mother. Watching a loved one die is very difficult. N you will always have your mother in your heart, though. Take care of yourself. Fay

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