Friendship

Susanmorr
Susanmorr Member Posts: 14
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

Why do some people who say they are your friends abandon you when you get cancer   I've had 2 friends do this to me .

Comments

  • TracyLynn72
    TracyLynn72 Member Posts: 839
    #2
    I wish I knew...

     

     

    the answer to that.  Once I was diagnosed, I had two VERY close friends offer to do all sorts of things for my kids while I was in the hospital.  They never contacted them and have kept quite a distance from me.  It's sad but you do learn who your TRUE friends are when you go through something like this. I'm very sorry this has happened to you, and I totally understand how you feel. 

  • George_Baltimore
    George_Baltimore Member Posts: 303
    #3
    TracyLynn72 said:

    I wish I knew...

     

     

    the answer to that.  Once I was diagnosed, I had two VERY close friends offer to do all sorts of things for my kids while I was in the hospital.  They never contacted them and have kept quite a distance from me.  It's sad but you do learn who your TRUE friends are when you go through something like this. I'm very sorry this has happened to you, and I totally understand how you feel. 

    Susan, I hate to say this but

    if they did that, they were never your friends to begin with.  They were merely acquaintances.  You can usely count true friends on one hand.  I am blessed with a handful that never abandoned me or stayed away because they didn't know what to say.  That could be a reason why you feel they abandoned you.  Some people, especially when there is a death involved, just don't know what to say to a person going through a personal catastrophe.  That doesn't mean they don't care though.  They could just be scared too.

  • yensid683
    yensid683 Member Posts: 349
    #4
    Like the question -

    How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop... the world may never know.

    I had all kinds of close friends run for cover, while acquaintances that I had barely met kept up a never ending string of cards, letters, emails, phone calls and sent surprises in the mail.

    I can relate though, a good friend (physician - OB/GYN) discovered that she had metastatic breast cancer.  She let me know and I was at a loss for words, as both of us know the consequences of it having spread to the bones in her right arm.  I found it hard to encourage her, to try to give her hope, and to even think of a response to the news.  I'm some 11 months out of treatment, know all the issues, know how scary it is as a patient.  How do you support someone who knows all the inside information, not just what their MO or RO tells them?

    I suspect that they're still friends, they may have no idea what to say and their silence is as hurtful as anything to you. 

    They may return, they may not, but you'll always have your friends here at CSN

  • HobbsDoggy
    HobbsDoggy Member Posts: 276
    #5
    They Don't Know?

    I think for some people cancer is still a thing they can't deal with.  I can remember when I was young, many many years ago, people with cancer were often considered somehow unclean or socially unacceptable.  I think some people, not saying your friends, that run from cancer paitents as they don't want to even think about the illness.

    Maybe they will come around or maybe not, You might try to just ask them when they got distant so quick.  I had a couple of friends who stopped contacting my and mostly they did not know what to say or do, so I suggested that just be normal or if they have questions they can ask.  I also agree that manybe they were not much of friends in the first place or maybe they are scared.

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