From NED to terminal in one evening

sorry
Steve..I am so sorry and don't know what to say. I feel sick to my stomach reading your post. You have fought so hard and are such an inspiration. Its not fair and Im sorry that you and your family got this news. I keep you in my thoughts prayers and heart.

I was so sorry to read your
I was so sorry to read your post. I don't know what to say. I am in awe of the fight you've put up against this disease. You've tried everything. I am so sorry it worked out this way. I hate this disease. I admire your strength and your positive attitude. Enjoy your upcoming time with your family.

Chelsea

geotina said:

Hi Steve:

Never have regrets.  At the time, you did everything you could plus some, and you continue to do so.  So very many times this disease has a mind of its own and despite everything we do, it continues to win.

After I lost my George I went there, did I do this right, did I do that right, did I make the right decisions for him, should I have gone with life support, dialysis, every machine known to man to keep him around a few more days and I said no, and it took me a while to realize  that yes, I did make the right decisions and to quit second guessing myself.   Of course a beloved member of this board did tell me that I played it right, right down the line.  These were horrible decisions for any human being to make for someone they loved above all else but somehow we find the strength to do so.

You have fought your disease with unbelievable strength and courage and will continue to do so.  We don't know what is around the corner, no one does.  I so wish you were not in the spot you are in. 

I wish you continued strength, hope and courage.

Hugs - Tina

Steve

I am so saddened by this latest turn of events. Your bravery & determination represent the cancer survivor to the greatest extent. Never look back as you fight on to the best of your abilities. I'm sure whatever your decision, it will be right for you and your family.

I will be thinking of you and your family and be hoping beyond hope for better news.

Luv,

Wolfen

Oh no Steve...I am so sad to

Oh no Steve...I am so sad to read your post.  Keep fighting while doing what is best for your family.  We are all here to cheer you on. I think the plan to medically retire is a good one...this way you can concentrate on your health needs and your family.

alex

 
Oh dang, I'm so sorry to

 

Oh dang, I'm so sorry to hear this news.  I was hoping that you'd be in remission for a much longer period of time after that last surgery.  But I'm glad that you've decided to retire and spend a lot of good quality time with your family.

All my best,

Cynthia

out of words

but full of emotion. So sad news but I love the way you deal with all this.

Sending a warm hug 

Petra

I'm Sorry to Read This, Steve...

Your story always stays with me....I believe it always will...

We're all sad here - as one's setbacks are a mirrored reflection of the community at large and what me may or may not face as we soldier on.  I know (like everyone) that I really thought that things would be okay, by the way you were describing your life.

I knew what you had done was serious stuff all the way around and that risk of recurrence was certainly a possibility, even with the interventions that were carried out on your behalf by your crack surgical team you assembled.

It seems like only yesterday when you were facing surgery - and then you were off to play football and return to your practice - and now this sudden turn of events.

Regrets?

I think they have a place here - if not here, then where else?

But, I agree that regrets is not the optimal way to think....we don't have the luxury of mapping things out over time; many times we have to make pretty quick decisions - and those decisions can have long lasting effects.

Of course, we can't change what has happened - and we can't bemoan our decisions on which way our treatment paths went - whether we made the decision - or it was made for us. 

Personally, I feel that you did everything that could be done to put yourself in a better position - for yourself and your family.

There can never be regrets for any of that. 

Now sadness.....

Along with being sad, Steve, don't you think that a part of your feelings is a LONGING FOR? 

Another words, you just longed to make the adaptions to your new life and then move through that.  The sadness you feel is the longing for that - which you were striving for?

I'm not the psych - you are.....but that's the best I can come up from a layman's point of view.

Your current plan sounds spot on to me.....extending time is alot of what we do in this journey....and I hope you get all the time you need to do what you want now.  It's about you now.

I'm saddened by your news but strengthened by your resolve.

May everything be as good as it can be - and we'll continue to hope for you.

-Craig

Ah Steve; my heart breaks with this news

I agree with the living with no regrets comments; living each day as best you can; and Healing into Life and Death as Stephen Levine writes. 

I love your words here and they give much meaning to my own life and living it well:

"Feel sad as much as all else-  a month ago I was up ontoprosthesis, working full time, pushing forward with aims and goals and all that has shifted. But shifting isn't the same as giving up- just an adaptation. Strangely I also still don't think I regret choosing the radical amputation- at the time it was right, gave me some good time and I'm pretty sure things wouldn't be much better even with that leg attached. Regrets really have no place here."

I spent last week in Yellowstone, WY in Lamar Valley which in the spring is a smorgasbord of living and dying; prey and predators, all the babies being born and being eaten to feed the just born. As I struggled with my own disablities, I realized that what I loved about being immersed in the natural world, I still had. That just being here still fed my soul. That the changes wrought by cancer were not losses in a deeper sense; nor in that deeper sense had I gained anything before I had cancer. The moment I had was now, and how I responded to that moment was reality - not what I thought about how I was supposed to be doing physically or emotionally etc. There were a lot of tears; I don't quite know what the tears all meant but your use of "adaption" rings true . Adaptation can be a struggle, be painful, and be satisfying and peaceful.

May you be blessed by all around you -family friends, nature... and may you live in grace.

Holding you in my heart, Leslie

G'day Steve
Tough break mate. All through your fight you have accepted the fact that you have cancer and that you can only do what you can do. In your case that has been a great deal. I wish you and your family well for what is to come, my thoughts are with you and them, respectfully, Ron.

Momof2plusteentwins said:

Steve
So hard to read your post, I've read it again and again, just wanting to read something good. I wanted you to be cured for good. You have been through so much and fought too much to get this far. I hope you can get your pain under control and make some great memories with your wife and kids.
Sandy

 
Steve,
I am sad with you.

 

Steve,

I am sad with you. You have fought so hard and went where 'angels fear to tread.'  Your story and your  spirit led us all to hold our collective breath during your unprecedented surgery and recovery. 

 I am also uplifted by your resolve. Be assured of the prayer and best wishes of so many that you will enjoy far more good times and length of years than you can now imagine.  

Strength and peace,

Cathleen Mary