effects of cancer live on

Hi to all here on the boards, I have been MIA, trying to live life as my doc encouraged. June 25th, I will undergo another surgery on my right leg, the one that had the first metastatic tumor. They are confident there is no cancer, but I have a non union fracture that has not healed since last year, a result of the radiation to the femur after first surgery. Last year I had to have a rod put in leg because I had so much pain they feared I would break leg where plate was put on. Big surprise during surgery , it was broken already, I had been walking on a broken leg from February to May...fast forward to present time, one year later, still fractured, so now I go in for a bone graft and new plate and new rod in leg. I so hope it works this time, I am wearing down physically and mentally from all of this. Yet I know I have it better than some of the ladies here and I feel guilty that I am so unappreciative for what I do have. I guess its all part of the cycle, once you have cancer, you never really get away from it. I just pray that my next scan is still clear of disease!

At present I am living on pain meds round the clock until surgery, the pain keeps me from doing even the most basic thing, yet I still push myself to do what I can. I have always said that cancer would not define me, and it doesn't, but the effects of having cancer, and for me it has been 4 times in 4 years, I feel I just can't distance myself from it. Today I will have a short pity party for myself, take a short nap and wake up and do something positive. Sometimes a person just has to purge out the feelings so they don't swallow you up. Thanks for a listening ear.

May each of you fighting the battle have the assurance that there are others that feel for what you are going through...we all can get through it with the support of each other. Say a pray, whisper a wish and speak a word of hope to someone today...it really matters.