Update on Larry

Christine135 said:

Hang in

It is hard to watch the ones we love not follow directions when they are well it is even more frustrating when they are sick. The only suggestion I can give you is to let him deal with this in his way even though you may not agree with it.  When my husband has his moments and I am his target, I say nothing but let him vent. I find the more I try to push him to do what I want him to do the more he rebels like a teenager. I have come to not take his words or actions personally as I know he is fighting not only the cancer but he is fighting the fact he will never be cured, that chemo is just a hope of having more time with us but that his quality of life is going down. Being his wife and caregiver, I am the closest person he has to lash out at and I have come to accept this is part of the territory of feeling like crap all the time but feeling the need to be normal. When he falls all you can do is sit with him and help as I do my husband when he over does it but I say nothing to him. I just sit and wait for him to want to move and then I help him up. I too am finishing projects but I have come to not dwell on them..they will get done when I get to them so I no longer stress over things. 

Mike said the same things as Larry has said..I should be getting better but reality is he isn't and that is hard as a man to face he will be leaving his family behind someday. Giving up is hard for men to do..it is not in their DNA to give up or admit they have been defeated. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. That is all one can do given the circumstances we are facing and I know all too well how hard this is on you. It kills me to see the man I love and admire in so much pain and that he will lose this battle but I have to also be realistic. All I can do is just love my husband no matter what his mood and let him do what he needs to do in order to deal with the cards he has been handed.

Prayers with you and Larry always and stay in touch. God bless you both.

Christine 

Must be something in the air. My husband made me buy him a doughnut today. He had to finish it in the bathroom. I use to feel bad for him but when you make poor choices about what your eating then I have no sympathy for you. I am praying for a clean scan for Larry, please keep us updated. 

callerid said:

Scan

No one really tells you the emotional side of all this. Although my husband couldn't have the surgery, I always sensed those who could were so optimistic about the outcome...never realizing the hard work and emotional toil it takes on the patient (and the caretaker.)

Try to remember there have been many success stories. 

Take care Laura. I hope you are finding time to do something just for yourself that doesn't pertain to the illness.

 

 

Hello ladies and cargivers, the other job..

I am fairly new to this site, more active on CC, however I can relate, my husband was diagnosed with stage iv EC in Dec 2011, We have been cancer warriors for well over a year and it's exhausting.. up one road down another. He's off today for chemo/ radiation.. one more treatment plan, if that fail we can do another round of chemo. I am not sure he'll want to keep fighting. He is getting increasingly frail, still strong willed , though.. continues to eat not all the good foods .

As a caregiver, there are many days , I just want to cry.. but know that the journey is not over and I have to keep up my strengh plus stay positive, although EC has very poor outcomes.. we all have to be realistic.. this is a bad type of cancer and the suffering and GI struggle, I wouldnlt wish on a dog... never my husband of 33 years.. yes we have been married a long time and it's so hard to see him this way as we were preparing for retirement and fun things, travel, etc. .Cancer has changed it all, and I realize you're singing the same tune, I won't go on, could a , should a , doesn't make sense at this point.

Best ,

Be the light to the world, as Pope John Paul11 said... we are the salt of the earth.

I, too, know exactly what you mean as I struggle daily to keep my husband on a healthy routine including diet, exercise and sleep.  Patients go through six psychological stages:  shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  I have read that human beings cannot skip any of these stages.  As caregivers, we just have to let our loved ones go through them at our own pace.  We are going through them, too.  But, we linger or move on from the stages at a different pace, and I've read that it is not uncommon to revert back to a previous stages many times in the process. 

As others have said, this is so, so very hard.  We have to give our loved ones the support, nursing and love they need, at the same time dealing with their rejection.  Their denial, answer, bargaining and depression is what we deal with on a daily basis, hour by hour.  Write us often, Laura.  We are with you in spirit and thought.

after reading everyones posts im sitting here in tears.My husband was diagnosed in March of this year.stage 4 a few small spots on hip and a small spot on rib.We have done the chemo and radiation and are on a few weeks break from it all.Im trying to just enjoy this time.He has set up the pool and tried to golf but ended injuring his muscle in his shouldar blade area.He knows he's very weak and is trying to build up his strength with protein .I still work and cant be here all day Im gone from 9-3.I tell him to make sure he eats and hes does pretty well.He is able to get alot more down than before so he feels pretty good about that.We have had no tubes or anything I just ground everything up so he could eat it.He did tire of milkshakes though after 4 weeks of them:) The last 2 weeks of chemo were hard and food started to taste bad.some food still does and coffee tastes terrible to him.hes trying tea these days.We have been told no surgery cuz of it mestasizing.I just want to know if there is hope at all I know it wont be cured but will it all be gloom and doom like I read here.Its been very hard alot of pain since he has no voice either.I havent seen anyone talk about that! just wish there was someone who would say his voice might come back.thanks for listening . Nancy wife of richard.

I read the replies to this post and my heart goes out to each of you. I was on the other side of the fence. I was the one who was sick, Stage III EC Iver-Lewis etc. I'm not proud to say it, but I too was the difficult patient. I didn't choose to be but that is what I became. I wish that I could describe the frustration of being a strong, active, hard working man, caring for your family, enjoying life and suddenly hitting the wall. The mental struggle of having to ask someone to help you get up, or to walk more than 25 feet at a time and the feeling of unworthiness that comes with this type thing can not be explained. Add to that the issue of everyone and your body, telling you all the things that you can't do. It is incredibly mentally and emotionally devastating. In defiance perhaps, we at times do act and react in an "I'll show you" manner and mentality. Understand we are not fighting you, we are not mad at you, our frustration is not with you. We are fighting this disease, we are fighting our body. we are fighting the reality that we don't know what lies ahead, and yes we are resisting the reality that we may not be here to experience all of the dreams and life moments that we always thought we would see, whether it was to walk your daughter down the aisle or to travel in your retirement we are processing the factthat this dream may not happen We Thank God for our caregivers. We don't know your struggles in that role, but know that we love you, that we need you, and we need your strength. Be patient with us, and when you need to, take break from it, get away from it if only for a couple of hours. You have that luxury ,we do not. I have survived 14 years after my diagnosis. My life was forever altered when I got sick all those years ago, but I am bblessed everyday to have a woman in my life who continues to tolerate all of the effects that this disease still has on our lives. She never complains, she never lectures, and she has never 1 time made me feel guilty about the effects that this disease has had on our lives. Again the role of caregiver is undoubtedly a thankless, diffucult, and frustrating role, in our mind we know that, and we are soooo grateful for you,but i our heart we are sad,and frustrated and humbled that we need you so desparately.