Hello Again

sin9775
sin9775 Member Posts: 199 Member
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

Hi All.  I appreciate everyone who responded to my first post a while back.  My brother will not start his treatment until next Monday (May 27).  He went to have his tube in but there was a bit of miscommunication on his need for a driver, so now that is scheduled for this Friday.

I have been faithfully reading posts, and I must say that my emotions keep going back and forth from happiness that this cancer most likely will not take my brother, to total dispair knowing what he will surely have to endure.  My heart simply breaks for him and for each and every one of you.  I just want to cry.  In fact, I have cried often reading your posts.  I try so hard not to get down, as after all, this is not happening to me.  I am glad that I have this site to ramble about on, because it stops me from crying to my brother.  I know I have to be strong and upbeat for him.  It is just so hard, and it hasn't even begun yet!!!  I am so afraid and I know he and his wife are too.

I am amazed by all of you here.  While I do get sad hearing about all of the pain and suffering you all have had to endure, your wisdom and strength has already lifted me up and I am sure it will continue to do so.  I sit, at times with my mouth wide open, reading what you all have endured and continue to endure.  I am not quite sure where the strength comes from, but I pray my brother will find that same strength and endurance that you all have found.

Thank you for being here.

~Shawn~

Comments

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,724 Member
    #2
    Hello to you too

    Shawn,

    That is funny; many of us sit with our mouths wide open too. Most likely for different reasons, but at least you have the look.

    I don’t know where you stand with feeding him information, but we are here to help him and you.

    The facts are cancer is bad and this site tells it like it is (warts and all), but we are all semi-ordinary people with things to say about this challenge (good, bad, funny, scary and tearful).

    Welcome aboard,

    Matt

  • jcortney
    jcortney Member Posts: 503
    #3
    Well

    Matt, maybe you are "semi-normal" but I am now proud to now be abi-normal Cool

     

    Seriously Shawn, we are quite a few that have gone in and come out the other side.  A bit battered and bruised perhaps, but for the most part successful in beating the beast; some forever and some for a time.  I hope you can convince your brother to spend some time here on the site.  I was lucky, I found this place when I first started treatment last October and without Matt and the other "old timers" (sorry Phran, couldn't help it) I know what I went through would have been many times harder.

    Which ever the case, the folks here will be available to you and/or you brother for whatever help we can.

    Best of luck to him.

    Joe

  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #4
    It's Just A Flesh Wound...

    LOL, Monty Python and the Holy Grail..

    It's simple why and how we do it....survival... You do what you have to do to survive...

    Your brother will make it through, it's tough but doable...

    How he comes out the other end is hard to say..., but more than likely, he'll be in an elite group of warriors..., Known as the Clan of the Abi-Normal...

    Best ~ John

  • phrannie51
    phrannie51 Member Posts: 4,716
    #5
    I'll tell ya this...

    a year ago when I first came to this site and read posts, I was totally scared to death....that is until I started talking to the people who had completed treatment.  I got a feeling if they could do it, then so could I.  The thing about suffering through this is the same as suffering through anything else in life....you forget the nasty details once you're out of the tunnel, and returning to life.  I can remember feeling like crap, can remember bleeding mouth sores, remember being nauseated, remember being so damn hungry for real food I thought I would die for a cheeseburger.  But I don't remember how the suffering felt...kind of like having a baby...you remember it hurt, but the true memory of the pain fades.

    Your brother will surprise himself on how strong he is....truly.  I surely surprised myself.  

    p

    PS....another thing...I think it's harder on those who care for and love us than it is for us the patients....don't cry for us, we're till on the good side of the dirt.

  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
    #6
    phrannie51 said:

    I'll tell ya this...

    a year ago when I first came to this site and read posts, I was totally scared to death....that is until I started talking to the people who had completed treatment.  I got a feeling if they could do it, then so could I.  The thing about suffering through this is the same as suffering through anything else in life....you forget the nasty details once you're out of the tunnel, and returning to life.  I can remember feeling like crap, can remember bleeding mouth sores, remember being nauseated, remember being so damn hungry for real food I thought I would die for a cheeseburger.  But I don't remember how the suffering felt...kind of like having a baby...you remember it hurt, but the true memory of the pain fades.

    Your brother will surprise himself on how strong he is....truly.  I surely surprised myself.  

    p

    PS....another thing...I think it's harder on those who care for and love us than it is for us the patients....don't cry for us, we're till on the good side of the dirt.

    Shawn

    Glad you found the great people on this site. Tons of good insight. I couldn't agree more with Phrannie that I think it is much harder on the caregivers than the patient. I had a 19 hour surgery, 4 days induced coma and 2 week hospital stay, I recall walking in the hospital the morning of and not much of anything else until 2 days before I went home. During rads & chemo, I also slept a great deal of the time. A year post tx, I recall the horrible sores on my lips, several bouts of thrush and how tired I was. My loved ones cried many tears for me while I was really just too tired to think much. My love of family was what got me through and gave me my reason to fight. Your brother is lucky to have you.

    God bless,

    Candi

    1 year no evidence of disease

  • Mikemetz
    Mikemetz Member Posts: 465 Member
    #7
    No "Sad Eyes"

    In many ways it's true that this is harder on the caregiver/s and other loved ones than the patient.  As for me, I always knew exactly how I felt, but knew that my wife worried that things were worse than what she was seeing.  So, make a deal with your brother that he will always tell you and others what's going on.  Your part of the deal is to not show "Sad Eyes" to him.  "Sad Eyes" was the title of a short essay written by Don Rymer, who did not survive has battle with cancer.  Don's idea of Sad Eyes came from well-intended people who meet up with cancer patients and in trying to express sympathy and support make things very awkward--and the patient has to do the counseling, not the other way around.  I know that Don's essay is out there, so try Googling it.  My suggestion would be to have your brother, his wife, and anyone else who will come in regular contact with him read it.

    One of the best weapons in the fight against cancer is humor, which takes extra strength to give and receive in times like these.  But, it can work wonders, and keeps the Sad Eyes in check.

    Come to this discussion board often--other than your brother's medical team and caregivers, it could be your best resource.

    Mike

     

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