Emotional timeline

Whitneyburk
Whitneyburk Member Posts: 4
in Breast Cancer #1

Hello everyone,

  I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in March and had a double masectomy in April and am dealing with the metastasis and therapies now. I'm a 37 year old mother of 2 and have been dealing with the fear, anger, helplessness, frusrtation and pain. I think I've been taking it all in stride considering the circumstances, the one thing I'm having trouble dealing with is that my very first thought every morning upon waking is "crap, I have cancer" and my last thought every night before I fall asleep is "crap, I have cancer". When does that end? When does it stop being all consuming? I understand this is part of my life now but that's all I'm willing to give...this is part of my life, not my life. When do I get to feel that way? Is there something I can do to expidite this? Is it some epiphany that I will come to realize or does it just take time? Any thoughts?

Sincerely,

Whitney

Comments

  • hope4thebest
    hope4thebest Member Posts: 108
    #2
    somedays are better than others,

    Dear Whitney,

    Your words echo the shock that comes with cancer, afterall we cannot see it, it is truly unbelieveable.  I cannot say much because every woman is different.  I had a double mastectomy 2 years back, and it is a revolution in your life.  Going to bed and starting your day are very important moments.  Maybe put something special that you can see before bed?  Or I used a small lavendar pillow to help distract.  The scent of smell is powerful.  

    Before I go to bed, I try to name 5 things that day that happened for which I am grateful.  I think for me, at least, the small things helped alot.  I am not extremely religious, but trusting and keeping faith in your life purpose is important.  We can do things one day at a time, and try to do what keeps you comfortable.

    A support group may help you identify with your situation, depending on how you feel.  

    Hope that this helps, 

    ANnie

  • McMarty
    McMarty Member Posts: 212 Member
    #3
    Hi Whitney,  I am so sorry to

    Hi Whitney,  I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.  I was diagnosed with Stage IV in 2009 and I had, and still have the same thoughts.  I too hate the way it kind of 'takes over' who you are and what you do.  For me, the more I accomplished OUTSIDE of cancer the more the thoughts faded.  I think it started with just the reality that for everyone really, EVERYDAY is a gift.  I do make the most of the time I get to spend with people I love, I rest when I have to and recover when I have to. 

    There have been a lot of painful days but there have been WAY MORE great days!! 

    I think the major breakthrough for me came when I began doing what I love.  I do alot of volunteer work at my son's junior high choir and I do BIG STUFF.  I did a Hillbilly Gala fundraiser in October, I am the videographer, I design the t-shirts, co-ordinate field trips and competitions.  I do it for me!  I LOVE IT and it is a beautiful distraction!! I sign up knowing I may not make it through but I always do!  At first I was amazed that they let me work.  That people liked me even with no hair.  That they would risk being my friend even knowing they would lose me. 

    I hope this helps you.  I don't think you have to live with those thoughts long.  Claim some of each day just for you and they will take a back seat to the things you love!

    Marty

  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #4
    Hi Whitney
    Once the shock wears off of being stage iv we feel our reality of a situation that we cant control. wanted to read your bio, but there wasnt one. I always look at Doris and Cypress Cynthia. This has not been easy but they have gone in to hit remissions and have been here for years with stage iv and have been able to work through most of this. My pronosis was 3 - 6 months. No remission for me but hope with treatent that I will be healthy to participate in Dr Weissmans trial throuh Stanford when FDA approves for trial on immune vaccine.

    Also found that meditation before sleeps makes mornings easier. If I wake up funky I will resfart the alarm for an hour and then wake up pretending like it is a new day...
    Not perfect but it works sometimes. Honestly, when I wake up I still say oh sh*t, I have cancer again and this tme it really sucks.

    Hus '
    Carol
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #5
    Diary helped me...at first

    Diary helped me...at first when I got two of them as gifts-I thought kind of goofy and silly. IN HIND sight I see it was helpful.

     

    JUST a thought...

     

    thinking of you..

    Denise

  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #6
    I wish I had something

    I wish I had something profound or inspiring to say.  What I get from all these hours talking with each other is that we all handle (those of us who get there) handle stageIV differently.   I'm sure you know what I mean, look how assorted kids will handle a tumble on a bike.  You will soon come to your answer...maybe you already have.  "Crap, I hate cancer.'

    Hugs,

    Linda

     

  • JJDS
    JJDS Member Posts: 258
    #7
    McMarty said:

    Hi Whitney,  I am so sorry to

    Hi Whitney,  I am so sorry to hear you are going through this.  I was diagnosed with Stage IV in 2009 and I had, and still have the same thoughts.  I too hate the way it kind of 'takes over' who you are and what you do.  For me, the more I accomplished OUTSIDE of cancer the more the thoughts faded.  I think it started with just the reality that for everyone really, EVERYDAY is a gift.  I do make the most of the time I get to spend with people I love, I rest when I have to and recover when I have to. 

    There have been a lot of painful days but there have been WAY MORE great days!! 

    I think the major breakthrough for me came when I began doing what I love.  I do alot of volunteer work at my son's junior high choir and I do BIG STUFF.  I did a Hillbilly Gala fundraiser in October, I am the videographer, I design the t-shirts, co-ordinate field trips and competitions.  I do it for me!  I LOVE IT and it is a beautiful distraction!! I sign up knowing I may not make it through but I always do!  At first I was amazed that they let me work.  That people liked me even with no hair.  That they would risk being my friend even knowing they would lose me. 

    I hope this helps you.  I don't think you have to live with those thoughts long.  Claim some of each day just for you and they will take a back seat to the things you love!

    Marty

    Sending hugs and lots of

    Sending hugs and lots of prayers.

  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #8
    Gabe N Abby Mom said:

    I wish I had something

    I wish I had something profound or inspiring to say.  What I get from all these hours talking with each other is that we all handle (those of us who get there) handle stageIV differently.   I'm sure you know what I mean, look how assorted kids will handle a tumble on a bike.  You will soon come to your answer...maybe you already have.  "Crap, I hate cancer.'

    Hugs,

    Linda

     

    Hi Whitney I hope you are still coming back and reading

    It is not easy to find courage to go on with your life after stage IV diagnosis. I understand you have young children, so they will help you to carry on. Please know we are here for you and of course cancer is sucks, you can also read our stories on personal pages, just click on image and you will get there.

    Hugs

    New Flower

  • LoveBabyJesus
    LoveBabyJesus Member Posts: 1,679 Member
    #9
    Familiar.

    Hi Whitney -- I understand what you're going through because I too felt the same way in 2011, when I was dx at the age of 32. There is a process that comes in a form of a roller coaster, with cancer. Once you are dx, it is shocking and the fear is huge, because you don't know what will happen next. Then when you finally process it, it stays in your head for some time. You wake up and go to bed thinking about it. I am sure you have a plan set now for your treatments, so you probably feel sightly better. I think things will improve for you soon, it is too soon not to think about it. Give it some time. Some take weeks and others take months (like me) to feel mentally more stable. It wasn't until 2012 when I started to feel like this was part of my life and not my life.

    Because you are continuing to receive treatments, it makes it difficult not to think about it often. This is the period when you think of it the most, because it is in your face. Please give yourself some time to heal, recover, mentally and physically. Most importantly, never leave faith - keep it no matter what you see and no matter what you hear. Keep walking no matter how dark your path may be. You are NOT alone.

    I took ativan to help me cope with anxiety, but only took it as needed, and mostly for nausea. Perhaps you can ask your Dr. to advise.

    I suggest you connect more with nature and doing the things you love or always wanted to do. Have you considered talking to other young people too? I am now 35. Does your hospital offer this or therapy?

    We are here for you. Hang tight and BELIEVE you will be OK.

    Please keep us posted on your recover. We care.

     

    XOXO

  • Whitneyburk
    Whitneyburk Member Posts: 4
    #10
    Diet (soy has estrogen?)

    First off, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the words of encouragement, the thoughts and ideas to help me cope and genuine care and concern given to me in response to my last question. I'm still working on navigating my way through this site so I will set up a bio when I figure out how. Anyway does anyone have any helpful info or know a good website for diet while fighting breast cancer? I found the John Hopkins breast cancer diet online and was following it but it has soybeans listed as a cancer fighting food but then I heard that soy has lots of estrogen and my cancer is estrogen receptor posative. Do I need to cut soy from my diet as well? If I just start "exploring" the internet for info I fall into that too much information trap then my head starts to spin with negative thoughts and I just don't need to do that to myself. I was hoping someone might have a site that has a detailed list of things to eat and things to avoid. Recipes and/or meal ideas would be a total bonus as well.

    Thanks! Whitney

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