A question concerning couples and cancer

fishmanpa said:

Good Question

Hi Chantal,

I don't recall seeing a thread concerning intimacy on the boards. It's a good question and I for one am not offended in the least. On the contrary, I'm curious as to other's experiences. I have to believe everyone is different concerning intimacy while undergoing treatments. No different than how we cope with the side effects of the treatment itself.

Marcia and I posed that question to the Team when we met. They were pretty up front (and right) that any sexual intimacy we would have would be short lived once treatment kicked in. Dealing with the everyday treatments, appointments, all the drugs and tests were overwhelming. We stayed at Hope Lodge in Baltimore so it was a foreign environment to boot. Not exactly the time or place for romance I assure you! ~lol~

Once the side effects of the rads and chemo kicked in (thrush, nausea, fatigue, sleeping in a recliner due to mucous etc.), any inkling of intimacy beyond a cuddle, holding hands etc. went out the window. Mouth pain and lack of saliva makes it  nearly impossible to get a kiss beyond a peck on the cheek or lips. 

We just try to make time to talk (and NOT about cancer!), hold hands, cuddle up and watch a movie etc. I don't know what the long term effects will be. It's a good question to bring up at my next appointment.

"T"

I'm sure everyone is different with the intimacy part. You have an opportunity with your relationship to come out on the other side of tx feeling closer to each other than you ever thought possible. When you walk hand in hand through this journey, you will have a stronger affection and appreciation for each other and life in general.

Candi 

can't be asked here....so rest easy .  My Onc told us that we had to be careful sharing bodily fluids during chemo....that the chemo I was getting I could pass on to my husband.  At first we were like "well, damn!".  However once treatment progressed, our relationship progressed with it....like someone else mentioned, we got closer than we've ever been.  We talked more about real things, where we were, and where we're going.  We planned doing the things we want to do, our bucket list really....

During treatment, sleep, rest, trying to get enough calories and hydration.....constant Dr. appointments take up almost all spare time....there's the general malaise also.  Nobody feels frisky during treatment.

p

Threelittlebirds said:

hum

Thanks for all your replies.

 

The reason I am asking is my partner left me in December, in the midst of all the cancer tests dues to the lytic lesion found on my bone.  After many years together, he just left and told me via a text that it was over.  I thought we had a great relationship, we never argued and to me, life was great...but I guess he just got so scared or maybe he was just too callous.

 Like I have stated in a previous post, all results from that came back negative.

I have been seeing a wonderful for 3 weeks who knows about the possibility of oral cancer and will come to my ENT appointment with me.  Of course, I don't want to drag him through that if that is the case but he says if something is wrong, he wants to be by my side.  I don't want to rob him of anything so soon in this.  I have known this man for 16 years, he has been one of my best friends since then.  There is also the other (selfish) side of me that does not want to go through this alone if it's the case, but I was upfront with him and he still says he'll be by my side.

 

Maybe I am getting way ahead of myself and should probably wait to get results before I let my mind go there.

I still can't get over how wonderful you all are.  

 

I don't feel you're jumping the gun regardless of your personal situation. It's a valid question. I'm seeing, even with the small number of responses, that the side effects of treatment pretty much thwart our desires. 

In retrospect we did the right thing... I had a "bucket list" of foods I wanted to eat before treatment began. I'm really glad I did that as I haven't had anything solid or semi solid pass my lips in several weeks. We also took advantage of an "exercise" program that kept the blood flowing until the treatment took over  

So yeah... I would say, get your "yayas" out while you can. It may be a little while before that train pulls into the station again ~

"T"

Come to mind....

Search for a few post of Homer's.... He goes quite indepth on the subject.

But that being said... I can attest at least on my part, most of the time, you are more in the heat of battle versus passion. Sex is good yes, but the intimacy, the true love and caring..., that will defnitely shine through.

You are in this together...

And like mentioned, this is a pretty open crowd, nothing off limits so far has been asked...

Like I say...

Hell, I've been poked, probed, scoped, zapped, radiated, x-rayed, radioactive crap injected in me, cut, metal stuck in my chest for two years, examined, blood sucked from me, poison injected into me... A few of those times wearing a stupid gown with the back open and fully exposing my azz to the world...

There's no modesty when it comes to cancer treatment...

So if you can get through all of that, a few questions aren't going to offend me, LOL...

But then again, I am the Abi-Normal one in the crowd here...

John

Frankly, with all the hospital visits and treatments, you can only concentrate on the fight in hand, but if you feel up to sex (no pun intended) go for it!

Talking about bucket lists, my dream is of a piece of fresh out of the oven French baguette with butter.

Skiffin16 said:

French Baguette

Something that I think is even better, but pretty darn close...

Slice some fresh Asiago Cheese and stick it on thick slices of the bread, then stick it under the broiler until brown and crusty...mmmmm

JG

sounds good but I can't  put it through the mixer