50 Just Diagnosed Upstate NY looking for emotional support

2013-04-29

Hello ! My name is Lisa. March 22,2013 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Left breast mass almost measuring 5 cm. I have been through all tests and procedures to determine treatment. My last test was a liver biopsy. Results came in on this past Thursday. Positive metastatic liver cancer. I am expecting a call from the Albany Medical Center today or tomorrow to set appointment for treatment to begin and the process. I understand that I will be having a port put in and starting Herceptin before the masectomy. Thats all I know right now. The wait has been terrifying to me and all around me. I don't have anynone I can talk to. Sure I can talk to my s/o and my family but its not enough. I'm not being selfish am I ? I live in the Catskill Mountains and all my family ( mom, sisters, brothers, children, grandchildren etc ) all live in the village I grew up in and it is a 40 minute drive. We only have one vehicle and Raul needs it for work 5 days out of the 7 day week ! I am pretty much stuck here, ALONE, scared and in need of someone, well not just one, but people that are going through the same scenerios that are involved with managing, coping, and living with breast cancer. I sit alone almost 8-11 hours a day. Not much to do here, in town there is only a few places, shopping that is and I have exhausted them all. I can say that I can literally walk through the grocery store, family dollar and general dollar with my eyes closed ! No coffe shop or even a McDonalds where I could even go to just be around people . I do go see my children, family, and my grandchildren 1 to 2 times a week and that makes for a long long day with lots of activity going on every minute and therefore I dont get a minute to take a quick shut eye or just sit with myself ( not that I dont do that enough already ). By the time Raul gets home from work it is around 6-630, then its dinner together and Im so annoyed and frustrated that all I want to do is go to bed. I dont spend much time with him after dinner because I have sat here in the house alone for so many hours that I just want my day to end ! I try to keep myself occupied during the day with crafts, baking, cooking, reading but after a while I get real tired of it. I am almost kind of finding myself not interested in the things that I love already. This cannot happen ! I could write forever on what the H E double tootpicks (hell ) I feel so I am going to stop here with hopes of finding you all out there to help me out with everything and anything ! Thank you for reading a little about ME and please guide me to this site's information. I tried the chat rooms but for some reason there is never anyone there ! I see when I log in how many people are on line but where are they ? It would be nice if I could log and and chat with you all even if its just to say good morning, good evening or goodnight etc...Help !