a year ago

mr steve
mr steve Member Posts: 285
in Grief and Bereavement #1

I lost my wife a year ago, went on a date and it feels like I have cheated on her. Does the hurt ever end?

Comments

  • VivianLee5689
    VivianLee5689 Member Posts: 546
    #2
    Sorry

    I don't know what the future holds.  I lost my husband on April 4.  He told me before he died to find love again that he wanted that for me since I am only 42, but I can't imagine someone else.

  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #3
    Hi Steve:

    Sorry I don't have much to offer.  I lost my husband of a 42 years in October, 2012 after a 3 1/2 year battle with colon cancer.  Perhaps this is one of the steps you go through in trying to move on.  You feel guilty in finding some enjoyment in life and finding a new you.   I caught myself laughing at some silly TV show the other night then felt so very guilty for laughing and started crying.  Life alone is so very lonely, eating alone, sleeping alone, cooking for one, etc. is so very hard.

    If you have reached the point of wanting to get out and get life moving again you should do just that.  Wanting to have some companship to share a movie with, have a nice meal with, is very normal human behavior and human need.  I hope that at some time in the future I will be able to do that.  Please don't feel guilty for being alive while your love is not.  It does not mean that you don't still love your wife, that love has just moved to a different part of your heart, she will always be there. I know, easier said then done. 

    Anyway, wishing you the best as you move forward. 

    Tina

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #4
    Question

    In answer to your question - No, I don't think the hurt ever ends. I lost my husband in 2009. The hurt is still there. It has mellowed and I can accept that it will always be there in some form. His life and death are a part of who I am. I'm not looking for someone else, but if someone happens to find me, I'm ok with that. Companionship and sharing is what I miss the most. Dating is a little scary, but I don't think you should feel guilty about it. We miss those we lost  because they were wonderful people and they loved us. I don't think they would want us to be alone for the rest of our lives if we found love and companionship with another. Life here goes on. The guilt feelings acknowledge your love and loss. I'm guessing that is pretty normal. You will find a way past them. Fay

  • mr steve
    mr steve Member Posts: 285
    #5
    grandmafay said:

    Question

    In answer to your question - No, I don't think the hurt ever ends. I lost my husband in 2009. The hurt is still there. It has mellowed and I can accept that it will always be there in some form. His life and death are a part of who I am. I'm not looking for someone else, but if someone happens to find me, I'm ok with that. Companionship and sharing is what I miss the most. Dating is a little scary, but I don't think you should feel guilty about it. We miss those we lost  because they were wonderful people and they loved us. I don't think they would want us to be alone for the rest of our lives if we found love and companionship with another. Life here goes on. The guilt feelings acknowledge your love and loss. I'm guessing that is pretty normal. You will find a way past them. Fay

    Thanks

    My wife told me she wanted me to go on. I have and I will. I have learned to live with the pain. At times I feel short changed and never thought that death would do us part. I miss that girl so much.

  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #6
    mr steve said:

    Thanks

    My wife told me she wanted me to go on. I have and I will. I have learned to live with the pain. At times I feel short changed and never thought that death would do us part. I miss that girl so much.

    aww

    I know the feeling

     

    michelle

     

  • VivianLee5689
    VivianLee5689 Member Posts: 546
    #7
    angelsbaby said:

    aww

    I know the feeling

     

    michelle

     

    Thanks Fay

    I am so glad you put in your input Fay.  This loss is so great and it almost feels insurmountable.  I know my spouse wants me to find someone to love me and care for me, but I am almost afraid when it is time that I will be afraid to let myself love.  I sure didn't think a healthy 47 year old would die of cancer.  Now I can't trust anyone will live.  I don't know how I will get over that.

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