How can I help my dad?

BintNed
BintNed Member Posts: 2 Member
edited November 2022 in Surviving Caregivers #1

My mama passed away a little over a month ago. Things are settling down. The fridge is no longer full of food that people brought by. We’ve all gone back to school or work. I worry about my dad. Do you have any advice about what I can do to help him? He’s “okay.” He’s functioning. I just want to know how to brighten his days a little bit. I’d appreciate any suggestions. Thanks.

 

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    Loss

    You are a very sensitive person to be thinking of your dad's grief, while you yourself are grieving, and you are also very wise to inderstand that his grief is different than yours. Your dad needs to grieve in his own time and way. It takes time, lots of time. I have found that in the beginning, after I lost my husband, certain days were harder than others. The month days often hit me hard. That is the day of the month when my husband died. He died on October 20, 2009. Every 20th of the month for about two years were very hard. I can't tell you why, but others here have said that as well. Of course, the holidays are difficult. Birthdays and anniversary days, too. Family gatherings, though I love them, still make me feel my loss more. Often anything you used to do together reminds you of your loss. Getting rid of the other person's stuff can become a problem. Deciding when and how to do this is very personal. Don't push. Just help if you are asked to do so. Right now some things may be a blurr. Concentration may be hard. Contact is important. If you don't live at home, call or visit often. I appreciated talking about my husband, too. Some people may not, but I still remark on things he would have liked or things he would have found funny. I also feel that there is no such thing as closure, or the idea that something will take the  pain of loss away. I do think it mellows in time, but for me the loss will always be there. He was and is part of my life. We raised children together and shared so much. That is what I miss the most, the sharing. Those times when we laughed or cried together. When a look made us smile because we knew what the other person was thinking. Yes, life does go on. We find our way.  Just be there for your dad. Give him lots of hugs. I miss those, too, and appreciate them when I get them from others. Take care of yourself, too. Fay

  • Patrick72
    Patrick72 Member Posts: 14 Member
    #3
    Be there

    Subject says it all. Call him. Invite him over/out to dinner. Depending on how old he is, offer to run errands for him or help around the house. I went through this going on 20 years ago when we lost my mom. The most important thing is that he knows he is not alone in his greif. That being said there may be times when he feels the need to be alone but when he reaches out for support, make sure someone is there for him.

     

    Patrick

     

    PS: My condolences on the loss of your mother.

  • Wangari
    Wangari Member Posts: 19
    #4
    hi,
    2 years ago, i was in the

    hi,

    2 years ago, i was in the exact same position as you. It's really hard to see your dad sad.  During that time, i moved back home for sometime. Like the others have said, be there for him. Let him know that you are there Call him, take him out. It's the little things that make a difference. 

    You cannot fill the void left by your mum, but you can try and make each other happy as a family. We continued doing most of the things that we would do when mum was around. It was hard in teh beginning but now, its a lot easier and it even helps us remember the fun times we had with her. 

    lots of hugs for you and your family.

  • stagg27
    stagg27 Member Posts: 12 Member
    #5

    Check with your Drs office see if they have a social worker. It would be good if they hook him up support group if he does not want that then they have a well check phone call I found a lot of my pts looked forward to and became friends they call every morning have a conversation actually one of them got married. see if one of his friends will take him to the senior centre they have like potluck nights and stuff like that the main thing is try to keep him going out with others. get a Calendar call his friends ask one friend what day in this month that they and dad could go out to lunch together does he go to church? Of course you’re going to stay connected but we need to get him to reach out to others it was difficult for my mum because she was always very quiet and shy my father was the outgoing person in the relationship so I don’t know what your father is like good luck God bless but it’s okay if he’s alone at times to Grieve try and find him a hobby if he doesn’t have one already

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