Colorectal cancer

Aicirtap
Aicirtap Member Posts: 55
edited April 2013 in Colorectal Cancer #1

Hi everyone,

 

I have been reading a lot here and would very much like to post here now myself.

 

my boyfriend has colorectal cancer stage IV with mets to the liver at initial diagnosis. In the course of his treatments, the mets on the liver shrunk and he has had numerous (difficult) surgeries to remove them and also ablation for little lesions that reappeared. He has kept working full-time all along and has been incredibly strong, Never burdening me with anything. I was always full of hope after a lot of initial thinking about it and the situation before we decided on having a relationship, Did my best to find out about nutrition, treatments  Now we just found out that there are a few small mets in the lung, both lobes. His doctors want to resect them as soon as possible. We will see what happens. 

 

Thank you for "listening" and all the best for you!

 

Comments

  • Aicirtap
    Aicirtap Member Posts: 55
    #2
    Apologies, I just realized

    Embarassed

    Apologies, I just realized that all sections of the discussion board are public and could have just posted in the right section. 

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    #3
    Aicirtap said:

    Apologies, I just realized

    Embarassed

    Apologies, I just realized that all sections of the discussion board are public and could have just posted in the right section. 

    Right place, right time

    You are at the right place. We have many caregivers here who are more than happy to care for you as you care for your boyfriend. 

    I am so sorry for your boyfriend and your sadness. Its normal of course, to be so fearful when so much has already happened. 

    Stressing doesn't hep, but its so hard not to. 

    Come back often and share your worries. We are here for you. 

  • Aicirtap
    Aicirtap Member Posts: 55
    #4
    Trubrit said:

    Right place, right time

    You are at the right place. We have many caregivers here who are more than happy to care for you as you care for your boyfriend. 

    I am so sorry for your boyfriend and your sadness. Its normal of course, to be so fearful when so much has already happened. 

    Stressing doesn't hep, but its so hard not to. 

    Come back often and share your worries. We are here for you. 

    Thank you for words. I am so

    Thank you for words. I am so happy to have found a place where people know or know much better what I am talking about. 

  • karguy
    karguy Member Posts: 1,020 Member
    #5
    Sorry

    Sorry you have to be here.I got dx with colon cancer in 2008,had surgery,and got a colostomy.Last year they found a golfball size tumor on my liver,so then I got a liver resection.So far i,m ok,but I do a ctscan tomorrow.You both should just live your life like you would with out the cancer,you should not let it run your life..The first time i had radiation with chemo,and it sterilized me,just to let you know.My thinking is that you should not be sad,but mad at the cancer for invading your lives.Live your lives while you can,and it's not the end of the world.We have survivers as long as 20 years.Good luck,and we are here when ever you need us.

  • AnnLouise
    AnnLouise Member Posts: 276 Member
    #6
    You have found a good place....

    With caring and supportive people with a wealth of knowledge and experiences. Remember that happiness that you feel and hang on to that....you are being strong  by being there for him. A new diagnosis always throws me off ... I found out I had lung mets in Jan. and it took me awhile to process it. I was sad, afraid and just couldn't get a handle on it until a treatment plan was put in place. Then I got back to myself. I think all your feelings, fears and questions are normal and may work themselves out one at a time. Remember step by step....maybe keep a journal of your feelings? He is lucky to have you...sounds like you love him so much....thinking of you~Ann

     

     

     

     

     

  • Chelsea71
    Chelsea71 Member Posts: 1,169 Member
    #7
    Welcome to the group. I am a
    Welcome to the group. I am a caregiver, as well. My husband of sixteen years was diagnosed with stage four two years ago. I am familiar with all the ups and downs that come along with being in the supportive role of caregiver. I too find it difficult to look into my husbands eyes at times. Living day to day and not focusing on too far down the road is a hard way to live. It is probably a good way to live, but for me it has been an adjustment. Phil posted recently on a different thread. Pointed out that none of us know when we will die or if it will even be cancer related. I found that post to be helpful. There are many wise people here who have been successful for many years in managing their cancer as a chronic disease. Their words of wisdom have helped me a lot. Please stay involved. I find that the support I receive here from other caregivers is what keeps me sane. Understanding the perspective of the patient helps me to some degree understand what my husband may be feeling. Anyhow, it's a wonderful group of people and without them I would have lost my mind by now.

    Chelsea
  • Aicirtap
    Aicirtap Member Posts: 55
    #8
    karguy said:

    Sorry

    Sorry you have to be here.I got dx with colon cancer in 2008,had surgery,and got a colostomy.Last year they found a golfball size tumor on my liver,so then I got a liver resection.So far i,m ok,but I do a ctscan tomorrow.You both should just live your life like you would with out the cancer,you should not let it run your life..The first time i had radiation with chemo,and it sterilized me,just to let you know.My thinking is that you should not be sad,but mad at the cancer for invading your lives.Live your lives while you can,and it's not the end of the world.We have survivers as long as 20 years.Good luck,and we are here when ever you need us.

    It's good to hear such

    It's good to hear such positive attitude! Thank you for sharing! I will keep my fingers crossed for your scan tomorrow! 

     

    we have been living our lives as normal as possible. So far, the illness or rather the treatments have not had a very big impact but he has been off chemo for more than a year now and chemo has so far been the most burdensome. He also has not had big surgeries for more than a year, only ablation which never cost him much time or pain. We have spent a lot of wonderful times this year, traveling, skiing and hiking, talking and enjoying. In some ways it is true what people say - that this journey lets you realize you need to use and enjoy every Day. My personal struggle is a very selfish one and I wish I could just forget about it. I'm in my 30s and always wanted family and I just can't see how this will happen. I believe Im strong enough to be there for him as far as another person can but I often wish I was younger to put that thought aside.  I guess things happen with a purpose - it's just hard to keep focused on that When I see my friends with their families. 

     

    Survivors of 20 years? That's amazing and wonderful! what hope!

  • Aicirtap
    Aicirtap Member Posts: 55
    #9
    AnnLouise said:

    You have found a good place....

    With caring and supportive people with a wealth of knowledge and experiences. Remember that happiness that you feel and hang on to that....you are being strong  by being there for him. A new diagnosis always throws me off ... I found out I had lung mets in Jan. and it took me awhile to process it. I was sad, afraid and just couldn't get a handle on it until a treatment plan was put in place. Then I got back to myself. I think all your feelings, fears and questions are normal and may work themselves out one at a time. Remember step by step....maybe keep a journal of your feelings? He is lucky to have you...sounds like you love him so much....thinking of you~Ann

     

     

     

     

     

    Thank you, Ann. What is your

    Thank you, Ann. What is your treatment plan? I wish you all the best for it!

    i have been thinking of keeping a journal. I talk so much with family and friends who are all being or trying to be really supportive that I keep on putting it aside. But I wrote all of my life and should pick it up again. 

    Yes, I love him very much and just hope that I can be there for him - its not easy to imagine ..

     

  • Aicirtap
    Aicirtap Member Posts: 55
    #10
    Chelsea71 said:

    Welcome to the group. I am a
    Welcome to the group. I am a caregiver, as well. My husband of sixteen years was diagnosed with stage four two years ago. I am familiar with all the ups and downs that come along with being in the supportive role of caregiver. I too find it difficult to look into my husbands eyes at times. Living day to day and not focusing on too far down the road is a hard way to live. It is probably a good way to live, but for me it has been an adjustment. Phil posted recently on a different thread. Pointed out that none of us know when we will die or if it will even be cancer related. I found that post to be helpful. There are many wise people here who have been successful for many years in managing their cancer as a chronic disease. Their words of wisdom have helped me a lot. Please stay involved. I find that the support I receive here from other caregivers is what keeps me sane. Understanding the perspective of the patient helps me to some degree understand what my husband may be feeling. Anyhow, it's a wonderful group of people and without them I would have lost my mind by now.

    Chelsea

    Thank you Chelsea,
     
    i also

    Thank you Chelsea,

     

    i also read your profile. You must be very strong :-) yes, it's true - a car accident may happen any day. But it's not in your head all the time. 

    talking about the perspective of the patient:I never hear anyone make reference to a psychologist. How do you guys cope with diagnosis? What helps you? How can your spouses help you?

     

    best,

    patricia 

  • Semira
    Semira Member Posts: 381 Member
    #11
    Welcome to this journey

    nobody want's to join. Glad you found this board, because you will find so much support and wisdom here, both from survivors and from caregivers.

    I am caregiver to husband with stage IV coloncancer (mets to liver) who was diagnosed and had surgery in nov 2011. After 6 months of chemo and the reversal of his ileostomy in June 2012 we now do the "wait-and-see" game. Next checks are in 3 weeks...
    After my husband was diagnosed I spent a lot of time looking for a helpful board but had to come all the way tho here (we are from Germany) to find the perfect place.

    A welcome from Cologne, Germany

    Petra

  • Chelsea71
    Chelsea71 Member Posts: 1,169 Member
    #12
    Aicirtap said:

    Thank you Chelsea,
     
    i also

    Thank you Chelsea,

     

    i also read your profile. You must be very strong :-) yes, it's true - a car accident may happen any day. But it's not in your head all the time. 

    talking about the perspective of the patient:I never hear anyone make reference to a psychologist. How do you guys cope with diagnosis? What helps you? How can your spouses help you?

     

    best,

    patricia 

    Hi Patricia.
    Nope, I'm not an
    Hi Patricia.

    Nope, I'm not an exceptionally strong person. Someone recently asked me, "How you keep going on?". I was talking about possible surgery at the time. We have to keep moving forward. This is not the way Steve and I want to be living. There's just no choice. Surgery, chemo, surgery, chemo, surgery....... It's not ideal, but it beats the alternative. Steve's attitude makes the situation easier on both of us. If he was down in the dumps, feeling sorry for himself etc... It would all be much harder. We have figured out that we just have to make the best of it and go along for the ride. Hope that we make the right decisions along the way. We have never been particularly religious. I do envy people who are. I think it would be helpful to think, God has a plan, or, this has happened for a reason. I see how others draw strength form their belief. I just can't get into it.

    As for a psychologist, I recently posted a thread about that subject. Steve had a recent complication and it involved a very difficult two week hospital stay. During this time it dawned on me that we may benefit from talking to a professional. (separate counseling). A lot of people here have found it to be very helpful. I haven't found anyone yet. Haven't put a lot of time into it though. I am worried about finding the right counsellor. I don't want to get involved with the wrong person. Want to focus on living with cancer, not preparing for the end of life etc.

    Good luck

    Chelsea
  • AnnLouise
    AnnLouise Member Posts: 276 Member
    #13
    Aicirtap said:

    Thank you, Ann. What is your

    Thank you, Ann. What is your treatment plan? I wish you all the best for it!

    i have been thinking of keeping a journal. I talk so much with family and friends who are all being or trying to be really supportive that I keep on putting it aside. But I wrote all of my life and should pick it up again. 

    Yes, I love him very much and just hope that I can be there for him - its not easy to imagine ..

     

    SBRT radiation....

    I had 5 radiation treatments on one met in the lung and finished 2 weeka ago. They couldn't do RFA because it was on a blood vessel. They are watching a few little mets in the other lung.... If they grow they will zap them also. I was diagnosed in Nov. 2011 and had colon surgery, chemo, liver resection, recurrence of lîver mets, SIRT, chemo and SBRT. I am married with 5 children and 3 grandchildren. in the last 18 months I have experienced so much, both positive and negative. I have seen my junior in HS win his football state championship, 2 children graduated from college, 3 boys got new jobs, my daughter took her LSAT test and is looking at law schools. Sorry for the rambling but just want you to have hope, maybe remission, marriage, children, but for sure enjoy what you have now. It gets hard sometimes to look in their eyes, but I try to think that I am there for them now and be the best wife, mom, grandma, daughter, sister and friend that I can be.  Sending positive thoughts for strength and good results on the liver mets...~ Ann

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