Wouldn't You Know It!

I hear your pain. Unfortunately, I'm also under the weather. I found this old board floating by and grabed onto it. I hope you can find something to grap onto. Rick.

Wolfen,

Sorry about your condition.  Hopefully it will be very short lived and you will be feeling better at this time tomorrow.  Get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids and all that other stuff you know so well.

Also, sorry about your Hubby’s woe, I just so much want him to have a good day.

Prayer warrior in Oregon,

Matt

Wolfen,

Ouch! What a rude thank you that mother nature has bestowed on you... she is a bit insensitive at times.

I too hope you are feeling wonderful today, and that it was one of those quick bugs that just passes throiugh.

So nice to hear your husband is going to come home tomorrow, and being as weak and ill as he's been lately, I can understand his apprehension with everyone. My dad was the same way when he got ill. I remember when I was recovering 9 years ago, it seems as if the entire world was spinning by me, people were like little tornados of activity, making decisions, whirling around me, and I didn't trust everyone either. They had stopped asking me questions.. and hey, I was the sick one! Once he gets home into your loving care - I imagine that part might calm down a bit, he'll be relieved.

I hope you can both get a little rest though. So glad your family is going to be helping you.

Big Hugs for a speedy recovery for you,

Kari

I felt the same way as your husband for some time.  Found it very hard to trust and to be open.  Got much better as I improved.  Every set back brings out negative feelings.  I don't want them and always regret it as soon as I get feeling better.  Just can't help it sometimes.

debbiejeanne said:

wolfen, sorry to hear ur

wolfen, sorry to hear ur sick.  get as much rest as u can today so u'll be rested when hubby comes home tomorrow.  drink lots of oj and try to eat something too.  take care and know that u and hubby r n my prayers.

God bless,

dj

I hope to hear that you are better very quickly.  Being sick is no fun and I know it's not convenient right now to say the least.  I hope your husband starts feeling more himself and less suspicious.

wolfen, how r u feeling today?  i hope u r over the bug and feeling urself again.  praying that ur hubby is do'n well enuf 2 come home today.  please let us know.

God bless,

dj

A friend of mine just gave up his fight and acted like your husband.  He did not want to try so got mad and child like if anyone press him to keep trying.  It was very hard to see, but his wife and the family tried not to jude, but it was almost impossible.  Not saying that is what is happening in your situation beacuase I don't know.  Just sharing what happened to me friend.

I admit to times when I think, even 4 + moths after treatment, that I wished I didn't make it becuase most days or at leat many I still feel bad.  Hope for future improvement keeps me going.

wolfen said:

Thank You, Hobbs

Maybe that is what I am doing. Judging his actions when I shouldn't be. Even as a caregiver and extremely close to him, I am still not walking in his shoes, nor living in his head. Before cancer, even with his other illnesses, he was still able to do most things he had done all his life. Each day since this journey began, a little more wind has been taken from his sails and the ship falters badly. I am almost in tears as I write this. Maybe I expect too much. He is frightened. I am frightened. I see so many wonderful stories of survival, each with their own set of sacrifices and bumps in the road, but feeling sorry for myself, I see only unsurmountable boulders in our path. I've always tried to exhibit the "you can do this" attitude with him, when, in reality, maybe he can't do it. Wishing doesn't always make it so.

In any event, I will be getting better as soon as I see the doc today & I'm going to put on my hopeful face and march to the hospital and bring him home. At least he'll be with those who love him and maybe he'll find it in his heart to frogive me for judging him.

Luv,

Wolfen

wolfen, there is no forgiveness needed.  you are human and its very hard being a caregiver.  you've done nothing wrong.  and feeling sorry for yourself or overwhelmed sometimes is also normal.  you're allowed to do that.  don't beat yourself up, u r a great caregiver and ur husband knows that.  this is a tough road u and ur husband are traveling but u will get thru it.  i hope it will b better once ur husband is home.  take care and be nice to urself.

God bless,

dj

I know how hard this can be.  As caregiver to my husband sometimes it is like fighting with someone I don't know at all.  Have you and your husband sat down and discussed what he wants to do?  what his wishes are and how he wants to proceed?  

When my husband was first diagnosed in June 2010 with laryngeal cancer, Stage 3 but no spread, due to size of tumor, we talked about it.  Doctors were very optimistic since there was no cancer anywhere else.  He went thru the radiation and chemo without to much problems but did say he wouldn't go thru chemo again.  The side effects were horrible he said.  This is a man who always and I mean always did what he wanted to do without any problems.  Well when we found out the radiation and chemo didn't work he agreed to the surgery.  He came thru the surgery with flying colors and his surgeon kept telling us he was the posterman for this procedure.  Fast forward when he decided to have a TEP inserted.  Tumor was found at the cervical of his esophagus so no surgery only radiation and chemo.  He looked at me and I told him it was his decision and that I was only along for the ride.  He decided to go ahead with the radiation and chemo, which wasn't too bad.

NED in Sept/October 2012 but in January of this year we found out that the cancer has reoccurred and was larger than the first time but that it had spread to his right lung.  Now during all this time he had no problem other than swallowing which after a laryngectomy is very common.  He did tell me that he wouldn't do any further treatment regardless.  We did see the oncologist and he only recommended chemo which he told us wouldn't cure only prolong just like our H&N specialist told us.  Surgery was ruled out due to the spread to the lung.  Radiation was also out due to him already having the maximum in his neck area (70 rounds) over less than 2 years.  He has been adamant about no further treatment and while I don't agree with him, I abide by his wishes and so do our sons.  

It hurts to see him not able to do what he loves like working in the yard and building birdhouses.  Oh yes he tries and does a little at a time and then comes in and rests.  He doesn't complain about anything but I can see the pain he is suffering with.  Yes he has pain medication but I feel it should be stronger but he says no he's okay.  I have worried myself sick over him and his not eating and relying on his feeding tube until I just don't say anything anymore because it does no good and we end up being mad at each other.

After reading many posts on this site and another, I am grateful that he hasn't had the problems that some have had and I am grateful for each day I have him regardless of how hard he makes it and how mad he gets or I get.  We have been married for almost 51 years and together 2 years before that so it is hard and I realize will get harder as time goes on.  The doctors don't say how long but I am letting him do as he wants, not what I want as hard as it is.  I realize this is long and hope I didn't say anything to offend you.  Bringing him home is the best you can do for him and it is what he wants.  A promise I have made to my husband is that he will stay home.  During all of this be sure you take care of yourself too.

Wishing the best to you and your husband and family -- Sharon

wolfen said:

Thank You, Hobbs

Maybe that is what I am doing. Judging his actions when I shouldn't be. Even as a caregiver and extremely close to him, I am still not walking in his shoes, nor living in his head. Before cancer, even with his other illnesses, he was still able to do most things he had done all his life. Each day since this journey began, a little more wind has been taken from his sails and the ship falters badly. I am almost in tears as I write this. Maybe I expect too much. He is frightened. I am frightened. I see so many wonderful stories of survival, each with their own set of sacrifices and bumps in the road, but feeling sorry for myself, I see only unsurmountable boulders in our path. I've always tried to exhibit the "you can do this" attitude with him, when, in reality, maybe he can't do it. Wishing doesn't always make it so.

In any event, I will be getting better as soon as I see the doc today & I'm going to put on my hopeful face and march to the hospital and bring him home. At least he'll be with those who love him and maybe he'll find it in his heart to frogive me for judging him.

Luv,

Wolfen

Wolfen,

My dear dear dear Wolfen, your job is to look and judge.. if you hadn't, he would have never gotten the help he needed when he was so sick with infection. It's part of the job. Being tired yourself and achy and worn out from handling this on your shoulders for so long.. no wonder it over lapped to the part where you might not have needed to.. it happens, it comes with the job. So don't beat yourself up over it.. you are my hero.. Just wish you felt better.

I know we only see glimpses... but I wonder if he just isn't terrified.. someone said "long term care", and maybe he thinks he's being tricked.. that will just about send any man nuts.. I have a feeling once he gets home, and sees that it's OK... Your husband will come back to you - he's just hiding.. when he can't exactly crawl under a bed to do so. Just my guess..

Meanwhile, treat him the same as you would have. And ignore the unwanted behavior.. no reaction, no gain for him. Might say I did that more than once in the last six months

Hugs and encouragement,

Kari