New Job, new location, telling people

LaurieC
LaurieC Member Posts: 7
in Breast Cancer #1

Hi guys, I've been mostly a lurker on this board and haven't posted much.  I feel like I could use some support/insight about whether/when/how to discuss my past with people.

I'm a relatively young survivor - 39 years old when I was diagnosed.  I am now about 4 years out and am doing very well.   I changed jobs and moved to a new state about 18 months ago.  I love where I am and my new job.  I have a new oncologist here who is monitoring my progress. 

Here's what I struggle with.  I only have a couple of friends who know about my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.   I really enjoy participating in events to raise $ for cancer research.  It makes me feel like I am doing something positive to give back and not to just dwell on the negative.  I signed up to do a very large scale fundraising event.  It's a big deal, they raised in the millions of dollars last year.  

I want to send a fundraising email to some of the people I work with (I work in a large work environment) to raise $$. But most of these people don't know about my history.  How weird would it be for me to send and email and to let some people I work with know about my past?  How have any of you approached issues like this in the past?  And was it an issue?  I actually don't mind talking about it and it helps me to talk about it, but it is hard for me to bring it up to people who don't know.   

Thanks in advance. Embarassed

Comments

  • McMarty
    McMarty Member Posts: 212 Member
    #2
    Hi LaurieC!  It's nice to

    Hi LaurieC!  It's nice to meet you!  I am so glad you are doing great and enjoying life again.  That fundraiser sounds like quite an undertaking but WAY TO GO!  You know if it were me addressing people I didn't know well, I would introduce the fundraiser and then say something as simple as, '....as a breast cancer survivor myself...." then just let people talk to you in what ever detail they are comfortable with.  I bet there are people out there who will be very glad to have you to talk to but more than that, I bet there are lots of co-workers willing to help.

    Best of luck on your fundraising endeavors!

     

  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #3
    Congratulations! Kudos! and Just Plain Wonderful!

    Congratulation for being in a place you are now in now, with the experience behind you.  You don't need to explain the reason you are raising fund if the cause is a good one.  

    Just make certain that your organization is spending the money on what it states it is.  Not every organization really does spend the fund raising say "for a cure".  Some organizations divert their funds to many non areas of cancer.

    Unless people directly ask you and you are comfortable in telling them, I see no reason to put a personal spin on it.

    I have a niece who choose liver diseases as her choice to run for a marathon.  Doesn't mean she has a liver disease or any of her kin does either.  It was something she was interesting in raising funds while doing something she enjoys.

    My suggestion is keep it your breast cancer to yourself until you find someone you wish to share your experience.  The others only need to know you are raising funds for a wonderful cause.  Hope I make sense.

    Congratulations again,

    Doris

  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #4
    McMarty said:

    Hi LaurieC!  It's nice to

    Hi LaurieC!  It's nice to meet you!  I am so glad you are doing great and enjoying life again.  That fundraiser sounds like quite an undertaking but WAY TO GO!  You know if it were me addressing people I didn't know well, I would introduce the fundraiser and then say something as simple as, '....as a breast cancer survivor myself...." then just let people talk to you in what ever detail they are comfortable with.  I bet there are people out there who will be very glad to have you to talk to but more than that, I bet there are lots of co-workers willing to help.

    Best of luck on your fundraising endeavors!

     

    Welcome, Laurie

    I like McMarty's idea about just saying a simple "As a breast cancer survivor myself..." -- but I also want to say that I don't think you have to "come out" as a cancer survivor to raise money for cancer research.

    If I received an email from a co-worker that they were participating in a fundraiser for breast cancer research, I wouldn't automatically assume she was a breast cancer survivor herself -- I would think maybe her mother or sister or good friend is a survivor.  LOTS of people participate in cancer fundraisers to support those they love.

    So, if you're not comfortable "coming out" as a cancer survivor in an email to co-workers who you don't know that well, I don't think you have to give a reason for your participation -- if folks are interested in why you're participating, they may follow up with an individual email to you, or come by your desk, and it then might be easier to talk about your history one-on-one.  Remember, the "C-word" freaks people out in all kinds of crazy unpredictable ways, so it might be a better idea to only talk in detail with those who ask.

    Just my thoughts?

    Traci

  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #5
    SIROD said:

    Congratulations! Kudos! and Just Plain Wonderful!

    Congratulation for being in a place you are now in now, with the experience behind you.  You don't need to explain the reason you are raising fund if the cause is a good one.  

    Just make certain that your organization is spending the money on what it states it is.  Not every organization really does spend the fund raising say "for a cure".  Some organizations divert their funds to many non areas of cancer.

    Unless people directly ask you and you are comfortable in telling them, I see no reason to put a personal spin on it.

    I have a niece who choose liver diseases as her choice to run for a marathon.  Doesn't mean she has a liver disease or any of her kin does either.  It was something she was interesting in raising funds while doing something she enjoys.

    My suggestion is keep it your breast cancer to yourself until you find someone you wish to share your experience.  The others only need to know you are raising funds for a wonderful cause.  Hope I make sense.

    Congratulations again,

    Doris

    Wow, Doris

    You were posting at the same time I was typing -- clearly, we're thinking along the same lines!  

    Maybe we're long-lost relatives separated at birth!

    Surprised Traci

  • LaurieC
    LaurieC Member Posts: 7
    #6
    TraciInLA said:

    Wow, Doris

    You were posting at the same time I was typing -- clearly, we're thinking along the same lines!  

    Maybe we're long-lost relatives separated at birth!

    Surprised Traci

    LOL!  THanks guys for the

    LOL!  THanks guys for the replies.   Laughing 

    I'm thinking about sending a more personal email to the few who I know better and then a more generic email to others who I don't know as well. 

    Sometimes it's hard that I don't really have anyone here I can talk to about it, but I've definitely made the mistake of sharing too much too soon and weirding people out.  It's so variable the way people respond to the "C" word.  

  • LaurieC
    LaurieC Member Posts: 7
    #7
    TraciInLA said:

    Wow, Doris

    You were posting at the same time I was typing -- clearly, we're thinking along the same lines!  

    Maybe we're long-lost relatives separated at birth!

    Surprised Traci

    LOL!  THanks guys for the

    Oops, double post... Tongue Out  

  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #8
    LaurieC said:

    LOL!  THanks guys for the

    LOL!  THanks guys for the replies.   Laughing 

    I'm thinking about sending a more personal email to the few who I know better and then a more generic email to others who I don't know as well. 

    Sometimes it's hard that I don't really have anyone here I can talk to about it, but I've definitely made the mistake of sharing too much too soon and weirding people out.  It's so variable the way people respond to the "C" word.  

    Two ways to look at this,

    One is do it as just raising monies for research.... 

    Or giving a little history.  If you do this, you may be opening the door for others to volunteer to help who are also survivors or have friends or family who are.  But you are putting yourself out there.  Even telling a few, usually does not stay a few one may say something to his/her good friend in confidence, and before lone it is through the office, then it is up to you how much more you want to disclose... 

    You are right, you will get some mixed reviews regardless of how many you tell and we can't always know how people respond.  Either way good luck on your fundraiser.

     

  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #9
    LaurieC said:

    LOL!  THanks guys for the

    Oops, double post... Tongue Out  

    Feeling alone at work

    Laurie, your post got me thinking about my experience:

    I'm the entire HR department in a small office of 40 people.  When I was going through treatment 4 years ago, NOBODY in my office wanted to hear NOTHING about cancer or how treatment was going or how I was doing.  I mean, I'm there to work, not to whine, and I certainly didn't want to burden anyone with gory details, but to feel like I couldn't talk about it at all made me feel like a leper.  

    A few months ago, we hired someone who happens to be a survivor of non-Hodgkin lymphoma.  We recently got to talking about cancer treatment and comparing notes -- even though her treatment was 15 years ago, and very different from mine, there were still times when we finished each other's sentences when talking about dealing with friends and family members, and all the absurdity of having cancer.

    Maybe your fundraising efforts at work will uncover a kindred spirit for you, too.

    Traci

  • LaurieC
    LaurieC Member Posts: 7
    #10
    TraciInLA said:

    Feeling alone at work

    Laurie, your post got me thinking about my experience:

    I'm the entire HR department in a small office of 40 people.  When I was going through treatment 4 years ago, NOBODY in my office wanted to hear NOTHING about cancer or how treatment was going or how I was doing.  I mean, I'm there to work, not to whine, and I certainly didn't want to burden anyone with gory details, but to feel like I couldn't talk about it at all made me feel like a leper.  

    A few months ago, we hired someone who happens to be a survivor of non-Hodgkin lymphoma.  We recently got to talking about cancer treatment and comparing notes -- even though her treatment was 15 years ago, and very different from mine, there were still times when we finished each other's sentences when talking about dealing with friends and family members, and all the absurdity of having cancer.

    Maybe your fundraising efforts at work will uncover a kindred spirit for you, too.

    Traci

    Traci, that's kind of how I

    Traci, that's kind of how I feel. I don't really feel like I can talk about it at all, and it feels very isolating.  I don't need everyone to know, but I wish it wasn't such a weird thing for people to hear about.   I don't really have any support locally.  I have told a couple of close friends, and it went fine, but I still don't feel like I have anyone who understands and who I can confide in. 

    I would love it if I made a connection with other survivors as well.  

  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #11
    LaurieC said:

    Traci, that's kind of how I

    Traci, that's kind of how I feel. I don't really feel like I can talk about it at all, and it feels very isolating.  I don't need everyone to know, but I wish it wasn't such a weird thing for people to hear about.   I don't really have any support locally.  I have told a couple of close friends, and it went fine, but I still don't feel like I have anyone who understands and who I can confide in. 

    I would love it if I made a connection with other survivors as well.  

    So much new in your life - please consider us your support

    Laurie, you have so much new in your life -- new state, new home, new job, new oncologist -- I would think it would be difficult to not have any support locally, even 4 years out, and even though you're doing so well.

    Please consider hanging out with us more often for support -- we're here anytime!  

    Doris is pretty wild and crazy Surprised, but the rest of us are quiet, polite, demure ladies and gentlemen at all times...Innocent

    ...NOT!

    Laughing Traci

  • LaurieC
    LaurieC Member Posts: 7
    #12
    TraciInLA said:

    So much new in your life - please consider us your support

    Laurie, you have so much new in your life -- new state, new home, new job, new oncologist -- I would think it would be difficult to not have any support locally, even 4 years out, and even though you're doing so well.

    Please consider hanging out with us more often for support -- we're here anytime!  

    Doris is pretty wild and crazy Surprised, but the rest of us are quiet, polite, demure ladies and gentlemen at all times...Innocent

    ...NOT!

    Laughing Traci

    Thanks, you guys are great.  

    Thanks, you guys are great. Laughing  And I know you don't know me yet, but I'm not demure, either, LOL!!

  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #13
    TraciInLA said:

    Wow, Doris

    You were posting at the same time I was typing -- clearly, we're thinking along the same lines!  

    Maybe we're long-lost relatives separated at birth!

    Surprised Traci

    For TraciInLA Have 27 First Cousins....

    I come from a huge family, one can never tell or it could be "great minds think alike".

    More than likely plain old common sense.  Wink

    Doris

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #14
    NO need to tell your past if

    NO need to tell your past if you are not comfortable. Many people participate in fundraisers , who are not survirors. I say do what you are comfortable with.

     

    Denise

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