Loneliness

Three things sum up what my loneliness is:

I hate eating alone.  Doesn't matter what I eat, it Never tastes good, nothing does.

I hate the total silence.

I HATE not hearing her say...."I need a hug" and grab me with her arms wrapped tightly around my ribs and gently lay her head in the middle of my chest.  A long quiet sigh and then she would speak softly  "I love listening to your heartbeat, it always says Blub blu."  When she looked up after no response I'd look @ her and say " I don't blub blu, I adore you and worship the ground you walk on".

A coupla smooches and it was back to what she was doing when she had her hugattack.

It's been almost a year and a half since the light of my life dimmed and burned out.  She had one fault, she couldn't walk on water.  If not for that one failing she would have been Perfect.  I say that with a light heart, but in this mind's eye she Was perfect.

Every night ended with the same dialogue:

Me: " Night night , I love you".

She:  "how much?"

Me:  "a bushel 'n a peck"

She:  "With a hug 'round the neck?"

Me:  yep, but with bushels and pecks of hugs too

I need a hug. 

VV

Hatshepsut said:

Loneliness

 

I'm new to this section of the CS board. I lost my husband of forty-two years three years ago to colon cancer. The colon cancer board was, for the most part, a great comfort to me and a great source of information.

 

I've come here today because I'm still struggling with the loneliness and loss. At three years, I am past the raw emotion of the initial loss but can't seem to get past the more-powerful sense of being alone and vulnerable. 

 

I would appreciate hearing how others cope with being alone and hope to find a friendly and welcoming place to "talk" about the struggles that come with surviving a spouse's terminal cancer.

 

Hatshepsut

 

 

A familiar name. We have much in common. We both lost our husbands of 42 years to colon cancer. My loss was about three and a half years ago. I still feel that loss, but my grief has mellowed. My life will never be the same, and I still miss his smile, off beat sense of humor, and companionship. I am blessed with wonderful family and friends. They help me cope. On those bad days like holidays, birthdays, etc. they offer me love. They also accept that those days happen and don't try to jolly me out of them. I still hate coming home to a,house that feels empty even with my dogs and cat. I'd rather not travel alone, but I have. I don't have any words of wisdom. I just continue to make memories with my grandchildren. I try to make each day count because cancer taught me that time is precious. And I do the best I can. Take care, Fay

One day at a time  is my motto and thank goodness for my grandkids who keep me pretty busy , but i wont lie i miss angel like crazy but not so sad anymore.

take care angelsbaby- michelle

angelsbaby said:

4 years next month

One day at a time  is my motto and thank goodness for my grandkids who keep me pretty busy , but i wont lie i miss angel like crazy but not so sad anymore.

 

take care angelsbaby- michelle

Hi Michelle:

I, too, remember you.  I'm glad to read that you are doing better and staying busy.

One day at a time is a good motto.

I agree with you and Fay that having family and social contacts is important and I'm glad you have many in your life to keep you busy. While I've always been something of a loner, I let cancer isolate us from friends. I suspect that happens to a lot of people. We didn't have children and I don't have other family. So, it has been tough for me to connect/reconnect with friends. 

Hatshepsut

geotina said:

Hello Friends:

I recognize several names here from the Colon Cancer Board.  After 3 1/2 years I lost my husband George on 10/29/12 to colon cancer.  I am trying to find a new normal but gosh, it is hard.  Like everyone has already said, the lonliness is so very overwhelming.  Once the funeral was over, family and friends go back to their daily lives, you realize, you are truly alone.  I have been trying to figure out how to move on, if just a little, but have not come up with any answers.  I have heard a few what I call "stupid" comments but they were made by nice people so maybe I just took them wrong or they just said it wrong.  Stuff like, "I bet you are glad to be done with all that cancer stuff".   I  just shrug and say nothing.  In my heart I just want to yell "No, I'll take that cancer stuff over death any day".  I'm sure most of you have experienced something similar.  I keep looking at George's "stuff" clothes and the like but I think maybe it is just too early so I have packed up nothing.  His dresser and closet is still full.  I keep thinking maybe tomorrow but tomorrow never seems to come. 

Well thats about it.  I look forwared to attending this site more often.

Take care all - Tina

Hello Tina. I remember you, too, from the colon cancer board. I am sorry you lost George and I certainly can relate to your struggle to find a new normal. 

I've just come back to this board. I was on the Cancer Care board for a time. They only provide support for a limited time, though. When I timed out there, several people in a similar situation established a Yahoo board. Unfortunately, that board had only a handful of members and, as people healed and dropped out, the board became pretty inactive. I'm a slow healer and I still need a place where I can have regular communication with people who, like me, are are still struggling to cope, and so I came back here.  I still need to talk about loss-related stuff but also I just need to talk.  I'm hoping that this board will be that place but I would appreciate knowing if anyone has found other bereavement sites that work for them.

Incidentally, I dealt with Dixon's clothes a few months after his death. I braced myself for a really difficult few days and just did it, filling bag after bag with clothes and shedding a whole lot of tears. For what it is worth, I didn't regret donating his clothes to charities and I felt that some of my emotional burden was relieved by confronting that issue. Like you, I'm sure, I have many important items in my home that remind me of Dixon and our loving time together. The clothes weren't an important remembrance and it was better to let them go.

About the people who make unthinking remarks....I had those, too.   I am farther along the road from Dixon's death than you are from George's death. (Dixon died in May 2010.) I would give anything to have him back in my life if he was healthy enough to enjoy his life. I have come to realize, though, that I wouldn't want to have him back if he had to suffer as terribly as he did at the end of his illness. That was a hard realization for me to come to  but I am at peace with that.

Hatshepsut

david54 said:

Loneliness

I hear you-I really do. I lost my wife of 32 years to a 3 year battle of terminal colon cancer. I could not stand the lonliness. I compared it to driving at 100 mph and all of a sudden slowing down to 10. It was very difficult coming home to a large home and being alone, I got a cat, he was a nice companion but not replacement for a spouse!!

4 months after the death of my wife I could take it no longer so yes I did the unimaginable, I went on an "on-line" dating service. My new wife and I have been married since July. She is a wonderful, amazing woman! It's not easy, I still miss Esther (my first wife) but I am so blessed to have a partner again.

I am not telling you to go out and get married! What I am suggesting is that its okay to be interested in male companionship, it does not make your previous marriage "bad" in my opinion, it makes you human and I believe, a healthy person. Flush the guilt down the drain and make some friends and take your time, it's okay!

to al  ladies and gents I think we r doing pretty good  take care

michelle