Kent Cass ~ Gone Blog

Not sure if you realize it or not... But apparently our long time brother has posted a Gone Message on his blog...

While I can understand, I really hate to see Kent go. He is one of the best, one that makes this site what it is...one that always reminds us to BELIEVE.

Has been interesting, and did me a lotta good thinking maybe I helped a person or two going thru H&N tx. Thinking it's time to be gone, now, and so it is.

Issues from my youth have been brought to the surface of recent, and the man I was at 14-16 is kinda taking over. That man is Butkus, Jr., and he's a cold and tough old coot...Woke up on a hospital bed around 10:AM on the morning of 11/18/68 to discover I'd been gone from the world since a car accident just before 6AM on the morning of 11/2/68. In the Freeport hospital from 11/2-12/23/68, when I got transferred to Rush-Presbyterian-St.Luke's in Chicago. Turned 14 years-old on 11/26/68 in the Freeport hospital. The mis-diagnosis of my throat injury and 5 Ops in Freeport were followed by another 3 in Chicago before I got to go home, and over the next two years would have to go back to St.Luke's for 1 or 2 Ops every two months- total of 23 Ops that left me with a 75% air passage at the larynx, and a lotta scars. In late December of 1970, Dr. Stanton A. Friedberg finally released me from his care, and life went on. "Now, life on my terms..."

Being "gone" for some 16 days and 4-hours, about all I've ever known about the accident is what I was told when I got back on the 18th of November. My Mom hit a small cement bridge with our 1963 Mercury Comet, my throat slammed against the dash, and my head slammed against the windshield. Dad told me he found my glasses on the engine, so my noggin' mighta cracked the windshield. Scars would suggest it by the glass cuts around my left eye and ear, the 4.2" scar on my forehead that still exists, and the two larger scars on the left side of my skull that were re-stitched so that the hair would grow back good. "Numerous concussions" was among the injury list. With so much going on, and my seeming to be mentally okay, the head injuries were never explored by the small town hospital in Freeport, Il., or any place else.

Always had trouble, socially, especially in crowds. Literally could not talk for around 16-months, the voice I was left with is one of a half-paralyzed voice box- the paralyzed half protrudes slightly into my windpipe. Always figured that was just the issue, but as I've grown older...

Alexithymia might be in play, and always has been. A lot is known, now, that wasn't back in 1968. Traumatic Brain Injury is regarded as "Severe", now, after loss of consciousness for 24-hours. Folks- I was gone for 16 days and 4-hours. My Dad, the only surviving family member I have, is of no help when I recently asked him- "Kent, all I can say is you had massive head injuries," is what he said. And so, I just keep taking-on one day at a time, on my terms, as I have since Doc released me.

I wish I could explain a lot of it to you, but I wish for a lotta things: I wish my High School Sweetheart hadn't died in her 1972 car accident, or that I hadn't been a drunken mess when Kimberly and I were together for those couple years, or that my current love interest, a blonde who works in the office where I work, wasn't married; or, that the scans and medical expertise existed back in 1968 to see there might be a problem for the long haul, and that I am not somewhat angry about that as the 58 year-old man I now am, and who is "not a people person," and whose body really has been on Operating tables 34 different times in those years. As I made like I was **** Butkus Jr. back from 11/68-12/70 when going thru those 23 Ops and 3 seperate events where I stared death in the face, and I would ask myself, "How would Butkus deal with this," the anger and "life on my terms" mindset has been back for some time, now, and looks like it's here to stay. 

I thank you all for the help you've been to me, and this venue that has allowed me to express myself as the man I really am over these past couple years. "Believe," which I've often written at the end of my posts, is to mean for you to Believe- 1) in yourself and your ability to make it thru the tx okay; 2) and that the Lord is with you on your tx journey; and 3) that your C med team will eliminate the C from your body. So, to all...

Believe

kcass

Please give Kent a shout out and let him know how much he is appreciated and bid him your best...

John