Is it just me?

Hi!

I was also a  stage 1/grade 1 and had my hysterectomy on 1/28/13. I already was in menopause and had my kids so I did not have to suffer thru that part of the decision-making process and sense of loss you did. I would have made the same choice you did, though, as I would not want to live with anymore 'what-if's then we already have to once being diagnosed.

I hear what you are saying about the attitude you are dealing with from your husband. My was very supportive so I have to wonder if this is just your husband's way of dealing with something so scary? Brush it under the rug? Pretend it is gone? Because I think the feelings you are experiencing are true for most of u and our close family memberss...will it come back, will it be worse this time, will I lose my job, my hair, my house, my way of life? When I go to bed at night I have to turn off these thoughts when they appear and focus on being thankful and positive. Many of the women on this board who have had many recurrences or more serious diagnoses talk about staying in the moment, and I try to do that.

Although my husband & kids were very supportive and open to discussing my feelings and theirs I have found that co-workers and extended family don't seem to want to acknowledge I had cancer. Kinda weird, but understandable as it does still strike fear in most people.

Good luck though and keep coming back for support!

Kathy

txtrisha55 said:

Not alone.

I think most of the women on this site and on the Ovarian site can state they have been there with those same feelings and some may still have them.  I know that I was not expecting a cancer DX when it came back in 2011. I looked it up on the Internet, saw the results of the cancer I had, MMM which has a 50/50 chance of living 5 years but usually last less.  I stated crying.  Then I kinda kicked myself in the butt,said get control, you do not know enought yet, this is old information and it is not you.  I am almost two years out from surgery and treatment.  So far so good.  I feel a lot of the stuff I was feeling is the unknown and I still have moments of whtat if it comes back and waiting for the other shoe to drop but then I start living my life and not worrying about it.  I tell my family and friends all the time, we all have to die sometime, they hate that but it is the truth.  I have also told them that I will fight till I have no breath left. 

I am sorry that you personally will not be able to have your own children. Had you not caught it, your life, could have been worst.  You are not selfish for wanting kids and have every right to be sad about that opportunity has been removed.  But do not focus on that as it will just keep you down. 

I do know that it is hard to do but I think trying to find a positive attitude about a situation can help.  Just think you will never have to worry about wearing white again for fear of starting your period. When I went back to work, I was wearing white pants and another lady said how can you wear white pants aren't you afraid.  I said no, have a hystoretomy and then you do not have to worry about it any more. 

This site is and has been a blessing as all the ladies are here to help by listening, to your fears.  Come here and vent, cry, let your fears be know, your joys, your good news and even the bad.  We are all here to help support and share.  Praying for you. trish

 

You are fortunate that it was caught at an early stage and low grade.  This is a very very good thing.  And it's a good thing that women can live without a uterus so this cancer has a great chance of being removed in total.  I, too had Stage 1a, Grade 1 endometrial cancer and am forever thankful it was diagnosed and surgery was performed when it was.  As you're aware, it is very unlikely that this cancer will recur.  But it could and that is why our highly educated, trained, and experienced physicians continue to follow us after surgery.  Anyone who thinks these folks don't have anything better to do than follow-up exams on us, should think again.  I bet every single one of our gyn oncologists, over the course of his/her career will experience that rare woman with a recurrence of a cancer that "they thought they got it all". 

I'm so sorry for your loss of ability to have a child and the sadness this brings to you along with the discomfort of instant menopause.  But you did have "real" cancer and because it was confined to your uterus, surgery probably did get it all and you will go on to live a full life.  Had you not had surgery, it would have continued to grow and eventually travel to distant organs and do all the awful things that cancer likes to do. 

It has been 2 years and 8 months since my surgery and the more time that passes, the less often I think about this cancer.  I honestly do not worry about it any more and I won't unless I have symptoms and I'm not looking for any.   I will continue to follow my doctor's advice and have regular follow ups (now only every 6 months) because I believe their  protocol is there for a reason.  I hope you reach this state of being more relaxed about the diagnosis soon.  It took me until my 2-year check, but I got there.  Try not to let those who don't understand your fears get to you.  Come here.  We understand. 

Suzanne

I think that we all worry about the "what if".

I am so very sorry for the great loss of your dream of having children.

I was dx stage 1C grade 2 in 2007.  I was not offered chemo and the cancer recurred with mets to liver and abdomen within 8 months. 

I seriously urge you to get second opinion re: treatment.

Best, Connie

daisy366 said:

BSP
I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I can relate to many things you said - especially about feeling ALONE. Cancer sure is scary & no one knows unless they've heard the words, "you have cancer".

My husband is prostate cancer survivor so he knows & is supportive. Your husband doesn't get it & many people just don't know how to deal with these type of things.

I agree with what has already been said about finding support here & in you local community. I plan to go to women's support group next week-my first in 4.5 years! I encourage you to be mindful of any changes in your body & report to your doctor but please try NOT to live in fear. This will not help you at all. Make the most of every day.

Lots of hugs, Mary Ann

So, so good to see your posting again!!  I've really missed you and happy you're doing better and gaining strength.  

Great to read you're going to a women's support group as I feel my group which I was in for 3 years gave me strength to endure.  As well, learned from others and realized I'm not the only one fighting this crazy cancer battle.  I attended my group sessions once per week for 2 hrs. at a place called, CANCER SUPPORT COMMUNITY...as know they're in many locals around the US.  These gals are still close to me and if I have a "cancer panic" I contact them and feel so much better.  

Hugs,

Jan

dld said:

Is it Just Me?

Hello there -- I am so sorry to hear about your situation... I am awaiting surgery to determine the stage of my uterine cancer, but I just wanted to share some of my thoughts regarding children.  I am in my 50's and have two children in their 20's; however, this diagnosis has made me wish that I never had children -- although I love them more than anything!  I worry so much that I will leave them sooner than I should, and I know that they will be devastated.  Of course, my husband feels that he will be devastated, but he is better equipped to deal with that than they are.  You made the right decision.  I wish you well with your recovery.  This situation is new to me (just diagnosed this week), but I will be back to seek support and try to help others.  It is so hard to deal with this -- family, co-workers, etc.  I know what you mean.  

All the best to you

...one of the most devastating things about cancer is trying to protect the ones you love. I am not afraid of the future for myself, only for my loved ones.

On the other hand, this is a good reason to start in on some of the different therapies out there. While it's recommended that you consult with your doctor/oncologist before starting or continuing any supplements, vitamins etc. while being treated, there are very few dietary restrictions.  

So, if you don't have the book "Anticancer: A New Way of Life" by David Servan-Schreiber, I suggest that you get it and start incorporating as many of the dietary changes recommended in it that you can.  

HellieC said:

I echo everything these ladies have said

Yes, you've had cancer.  It is a life changing diagnosis.  But it was caught early and is therefore unlikely to come back.  But it could (mine did) and so it is right to be vigilant and not just to brush it aside as a "passing" thing.  As Suzanne says - our wonderful doctors follow us up for a reason.  They don't just do it for something to pass the time! 

You have been through so much and have the added pain of not being able to have a family.  This is a huge life changing event which will take some time to learn to accommodate.  You need time to recover and time to grieve for what will not be.  Your fears and sadness are real.  We all understand them, so we're here for you whenever you need us.

Helen

Helen

I am new to this site.  I was reading the comments and came accross yours.  Like you my cancer reocurred within 2 years of diagnosis.  The firs time I was diagnosed I had a complete hysterectomy followed by 3 month exams.  It was during an exam that they saw a spot on my vaginal apex.  The doctor did a tissue biopsy and called my two days later.  It was cancer.  I went thru the usual tests and doctor visits.  Final diagnosis was spot on my vaginal apex and spot on lymph node.  I had 40 radiation treatments 35 external and 5 internal.  It was after my last internal that I got sick--vomiting and diarrhea.  Long story short I finished my last treatment July 2013 and in Oct 203 started experiencing loose bowels and'gurling' tummy.  I take immodium only when necessary and also take probiotic culturelle.  My question to you is do you have any aftereffects of radiation therapy and how do you manage it.  I feel so alone--I am hoping you can help.  Thank you so much and God Bless