Funny Bonz III

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced, "The Coopers are having sex!!"

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously calls out,

"How do you know they're having sex?"

"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

   In  Florida , an atheist created a case against Easter and Passover Holy days.  He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Jews and observances of their holy days.  The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days. 
  
   The case was brought before a judge.  After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case dismissed!" 
 

   The lawyer immediately stood and objecting to the ruling saying, 
"Your honor, How can you possibly dismiss this case?  The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. 
  The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays..."   
   The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counselor, is woefully ignorant."   
   The lawyer said," Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists."   
   The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fool's Day. Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'  Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, 
April 1st is his day. 
  
Court is adjourned..."

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!     

garym said:

I should have known...here it is...

                        TODAY'S LESSON IN IRONY

 

The food stamp program is administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture.  They proudly distribute free meals and food stamps to over 46 million people on an annual basis.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, run by the U.S. Department of the Interior asks "PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS."  Their stated reason for this policy being that...

"The animals will grow dependent on the handouts and they will never learn to take care of themselves."

                        This concludes today's lesson

                        Any questions?                      

Its a joke, nothing more...I don't know anyone, myself included, that has a quarrel with helping those in need...I just thought this was cute, but I'm a bit twisted as you know

alice124 said:

Political Humor

Those of us who know and love Gary recognize  his funnies exlude no one, just like Leno and Letterman. We've all been the target of Gary's jokes/humor; he even takes aim at himself. Maybe this one didn't tickle everyone's sense of humor, but--stick around--the next one just might.  We all just need to remember NOT to wear our thin skin in here!

 

 

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft the skin from her body, so the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor found suitable would have to come from his rear end.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied," think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."