Are there any "hopeful" signs (or non-symptoms) when we recurr? and other random things to discuss

Hi Ladies,

AS I posted the other day, I am just about crazy with fear and dread of next week's scans.  Yes I did recurr after about seven months.  But even though I'm stage 3c clear cell, I still achieved remission.  Can I again?  I have absolutely no symptoms as I had when I was diagnosed in May '11.  I have had no more ascities.  I will never forget how that or the bloating felt.  I guess I'm trying to convince myself that it is possible to out live those ever present grim statistics.  I actually feel great with the exception of about a week after a doxil treatment.  Even that is not something to completely knocks me down.  My only blood count issues has been low platelet counts, but even that hasn't been too bad.  They were 74 about 10 days after my last treatment and it was 91 or 92 at time of the treatment.

And how much does attitude play a part?  Personally, I think it does make a difference.  WHat about stress?  After losing my husband in '10 it's been an emotional roller coaster ride.  I now have my teaching license.  I have not worked outside the home full time in about 26 or 27 years.  I''m not sure I can handle the stress of teaching today.  Also, I'm afraid to give up my disability income, while I know I could always go back on it if necessary.  I do enjoy subbing for an art company contracted to provide art instruction for grades k-5 in our county schools.  It's basically no stress at all. 

I don't know. I suppose I'm just rambling.  I love the ladies on this board.  I know you always understand.   I know I have so much to be thankful for.  And I really am trying to enjoy my life, but I'm so sick and tird of this constant fear and worry.

Thanks,

Calra