Need some reassurance - HELP

is only natural.  How much time we have is the big question in all of our minds.  Unfortunately no one and I mean no one can answer that.  I don't know how many times I asked my surgeon if he thought the cancer would come back.  Of course the odds are not good.

I recurred after 18 months and have been been living with a tumor while the doctors try different drugs.  It has been 10 months and I have not had any symptoms just the increasing CA 125.  I feel great physically but mentally and emotionally it has taken a toll. 

I remind myself everyday that I feel good and I don't want to taint this time with worry about the future.  That is not always easy to do.  I feel like I am in limbo right now.  I feel good but know I have cancer growing inside me.

I will have a petscan on Tuesday after the latest drug failed to bring down my numbers.  Then we will decide the next course of action.   

I also do not want to be a downer but the best thing you can do is live in the moment.  I myself can't always do this but most of the time I can put the cancer on the back burner and enjoy myself.  I refuse to let cancer conquer my spirit.

Even if I hadn't recurred, I am sure I would still be worrying about the prospect of recurrence.  It's kind of a no win situation but we have to take our lives into our own hands and make the best of it.  I love to hear stories of long-term survivors but that really does not change my situation.  We have to deal with the reality and move forward. 

Please try to jump back into your life.  This is precious time when you feel well. 

Karen  

Alexandra said:

Dear Pam

You and I are in the same boat, I am a few months ahead of you. Diagnosed with stage 3C, at 44 years old, absolutely healthy otherwise. My debulking was optimal, actually the doctor found no trace of cancer when she opened me up. 4 rounds of chemo prior to surgery destroyed all tumors, mets and ascites. CA125 went from 1083 to 6. NED for now.

The prognosis my ONC gave me (she wrote it down) was 5-6 years overall median survival. Which means that 50% of women with my stats will be dead before the 5 year mark and 50% will be alive. Where we fall on that bell curve is up to God and dumb luck. The longer the PFS is (progression-free survival - length of time before the first recurrence) the better your overall chances are. Some people try to improve PFS with special diet, Metformin, vitamins, low-dose chemo, estrogen blockers, trials, etc. I always hear stories about someone who survived late stage ovarian cancer for 20+ years because she (fill in the blank) refused chemo or drank flaxseed oil or stopped eating carbs or had B17 or DCA injections or coffee enemas or prayed her heart out. It's not that I don't believe those stories, I think of them as more of a heart-warming motivational tool than a scientific fact. If you think that something is helping - the placebo effect or power of suggestion is quite powerful.

I prefer not to get my hopes up, because I don't want to be crushed when my CA125 goes back up. My first 3-months' check is in April and I don't think about it at all. Whatever happens - I will deal with it then.

I was delaying visiting my mom (she lives in Israel) for many years. Then cancer happened. On Thursday I decided that I am the one running my life, not my husband, not the CA125, not the fear of the impending doom. 10 minutes later I ordered plane ticket from expedia, hopped on the plane on Friday, rented a car, and 14 hours later surprised my mom by showing up at her door. My mom was super happy to see me. He is 67, legally blind and a breast cancer survivor. Now I am typing this at the hotel overlooking the Mediterranean sea. It's awesome and beats Canadian snow hands down. I went running on the boardwalk this morning and a tanned local guy tried to pick me up despite my wig and taped up tummy tuck scars. Made my day.

I am sorry if that is not the "pick-me-up" you need. Don't worry about things you can't control. Live your life one day at a time, look fabulous and feel better!

 

This is so awesome.  I am thrilled you made the trip.  I think that is a great way to live when you are feeling well!   Have a fabulous time!.  I love the Mediterranean and it sounds like it is great medicine for you right now!   Enjoy your time with family and friends! 

MJensen said:

Hi,

I agree with others on the board.  None of us have that crystal ball.  We all know the stats for our particular type of cancer.  We can all hope, pray, change our diet, try homeopathic maintenance and you will have to decide what is best for you.   My DR as always said attitude has a lot to do with it.....so hopefully you can think positive and decide how you want to proceed once you finish treatment.  I know people who have survived with little change to the way they were living....ad I know another person that tried everything and she had the drive and will....she was having her first grand baby.  She was able to meet her grand daughter but the disease won in a couple of months.  So you never know.  We all hope that you will be a long term survivor ad your DR is telling you your chances are great!   I think that is what you hang on too and move forward in survivor mode. If you get a recurrence then you will deal with it. A lot of women live along time with cancer and they just keep knocking it down to keep it at bay so they can keep enjoying life. 

It is scary for all of us.....but we keep up the fight while we still have quality of life.  Sounds like you are a fighter and want to win the battle.  So fight, stay positive and look forward to all the things you want to do when you are through with treatment.  I think I remember you wanting to book a cruise.   Planning a vacation is always good medicine!     Sending you love, light and positive energy!   Cyber Hugs!   Michee

I have been done with chemo since the end of June and there still is not a day that goes by that I don't think about the cancer, how long I have or when it will come back.  Every ache or pain I get I worry it is back but the next day it is gone.  I drove myself crazy in the beginning and as time has worn on It is easier to enjoy the days and not have cancer in the forefront of my thoughts.  It took me a few months though.  Every morning when I look in the mirror while brushing my teeth I tell myself - I have cancer ~ cancer does NOT have me.

BTW I sent you an email the other day and it got saying undeliverable.  I copy and pasted it so I wanted to make sure it is typed right.  Let me know.

Keep your chin up.

Eileen

Hang in there... i too was nervous about my three month check...more so than what i wanted to admit. Fortunately, my CA125 was a 6 just as it was when I finished chemo!!! So believe you too will be in remission and stable. Kim