"The REPURPOSING of Our Lives In and Out of the Cancer World” - The Concept That Evolved Into an Ide

Varmint5 said:

On second thought...

Craig,

I re-read my reply and I don't like how it sounds. I think it sounds different from what I was trying to say. I think you need a broader audience for your writing besides just here, like a blog. You are very good and have a lot to say. I hope it keeps coming for us, here, but it is blog or book-worthy. Maybe you already know that. For me, your story is so full of hope and promise. I know it's been a hard one to live. But you are still here after 8 years and that is simply amazing, considering all you've had to conquer during that time. You are fearless. You help me believe that anything is possible.

And I still think you have so much to offer a kid or a child as a mentor or big brother... SO much. Your story just lit up when you spoke of your niece.

Thanks again for sharing your heartfelt and moving story of repurposing.

Sandy

I thought about what you said this weekend...

Somtimes, I can be a lot to swallow on the first chew:)   LOL!

I appreciate your kind and thoughtful comments...I can tell you that you thought about it...and you felt it....I may have caught you on the first day when you were 'blah.'  But, I still got what you were saying...your follow-up was very heartfelt.

And here's where I'm at...you will be able to wholdheartedly connect with this...

After a literal lifetime of 'searching' for my family - and what my definition of what I thought that family was...

The blood family I was born to, no longer exists...but on my wife's side, I have found my new family in the form of LMS, my newphew and his wife.  I found that back in July at the funeral...you might have missed those threads...listed under The Sundance Channel....some good non-cancer stories. 

So, as you can see, I love my new little girl...and my nephew grew up without a dad...and his dad (still living) is not supportive to him...I think his wife needs me now...she's my new Chicky...I can give her a look with my eyes...and she knows what I'm saying and what to do...and vice versa, she can look at me, same thing....too cool! 

And little miss honey pie...she called me over the weekend, Sandy..."Uncle Craig, when are you coming?  I love you." 

The kids, since our emotional visits in that detached garage, have called and told me repeatedly that they want me...they are trying to find a house, they want us to move up there...

Lifes were changed in that garage those nights...in those posts I told you about, are the stories...it was life changing - and life affirming for all of us...my wife missed all of it, because she stayed with her sister...and I stayed with the kids...they hung on me like glue.

And not only do I think they need me...I need them.

And Sandy...they WANT ME. 

My dad turned his back on his family...and after this post, you can see how I'm not going to make the same mistake twice.  I'm giving myself to my family first....after trying so hard to find one...and then whatever doors open for me, I'll be receptive enough to walk through them. 

I appreciate this very introspective post and your very thoughtful comments! 

I'm Repurposed now - to help Repurpose others...

Big hugs!

-Craig

Dxed said:

Craig
 
You’ve always been a

Craig

 

You’ve always been a soothing guiding voice and a great help before having painted this one. As for this one, I am at a loss for the right words, being no painter with words. Tough read though it is, it nevertheless is a soul-searching piece, spirit lifting and clear roadmap for a better life (with/out) this kind of disease . I cannot find a better response across the Arabian sands but to send you the words of Wordsworth’s (words worth?) Solitary Reaper

No Nightingale did ever chaunt

More welcome notes to weary bands

Of travellers in some shady haunt

Among Arabian sands

 

Bless your soul

 

Sander

True to your word...you came back!

I love a person I can count on, someone whose word is their bond...good for you, Brother!

I appreciate you taking your time to read and respond to my thoughts...I got the paint all over me this time...LOL!

Knowing that you see what I was trying to describe...well, that just means everything to me...as connection is everything to me.

Bless you x 2!

-Craig

amcp said:

So thankful for you and your ability to paint with words

I seldom post any more.  Frank passed on 11/15/10 and life has carried on.  I still check randomly to see how the few I remember from those times are doing.  I especially look for you and of course Buzzard.  I am so excited and happy to see you today when I came to the board to check.  You always say what I feel but do not have the ability to express.  You are a gift to anyone and everyone that visits this board.  You strength, courage, understandlng, love, concern, and the ability to give hope are much needed by caregivers and those who are dealing with cancer.  Cancer does teach us valuable lessons and gives us the chance to really live with no pretense.  I pray for you and that your journey be better and brighter each step of the way.  Thanks again  for posting, it made my day.

Anna

You always make my day when I see you!  I hope things are going well in your new life now...I know you told me you remarried...but I know you still yearn for Frank.

I think things are finally going to turn around for me now, Anna...I really do.

If I can find the guts, I may just tell you about something unexpected that happened after this post...from seeds planted a few weeks earlier. 

I don't want to get your hopes up...I may chicken out...but if I decide to throw it to the wind, I hope you see it. 

I try and  talk about Cancer so that we won't just go insane...I try and see as much good...or as much repurpose as I can from such a life-changing event. 

I think these words are so good...I think they help so much...but I've got to believe that, Anna...I can't cure...but I like to try and help heal.

When someone like you loses their loved ones...I always feel that my words just lose their meaning - right there at the end.  I cling to them like you used to...and that of so many others...and then when I see the person fall...I think what was that all about.

And yet had I not reached, I feel your journey would have been more hollow...just the thought that someone sees you and your sorrow...as opposed to never looking inside of the you that makes you Anna, you know what I mean, darlin'?

I treasure you...and you are highly valued in my life...and while we don't walk together everyday anymore...Anna and Frank still walk with me...they are still right there in my heart never to be forgotten...and I'm proud of the time that I walked with you.  Your story of Frank and the Santa Craig cd still bring tears to my eyes...because you told me that lone act made such a difference for you both.

And I guess those things are why I continue to try and get up everyday and embrace the challenges that await me for the day.

Love and big hugs, Anna!

An old friend,

-Craig

Chelsea71 said:

Craig, I've had a very
Craig,

I've had a very stressful and upsetting 24 hrs. I logged on this aft. for the first time today and there was a gift waiting for me. A gift from you. You may as well have wrapped it and placed a big bow on top. It's almost like you thought, "Hmm...when will Chels need this the most".

I read it at the coffee shop at the Ottawa General Hospital. Steve's situation has evolved over the past few days and hours. It's all become quite complicated. I find myself experiencing a wide range of emotions. I'm extremely frightened, worried and sad, but I'm having other thoughts too that make me feel guilty. Defense mechanisms kicking in to help me cope with all that's happening. I'm down here because I need a break from him. He's understandably irritable, he's in pain and it's difficult for me to be with him
right now.

I don't really know what to say. I read your post. I was so engrossed that Ifound myself to be oblivious to the noise and hustle and bustle that
surrounds me. I even forgot to drink my coffee and now it's cold, dammit.
You're very talented. You have a gift. After I had finished reading it, I felt
like I had changed in some way.

Like those above me, I especially appreciated and related to the section
about LMS. Steve and I (no kids of our own) have a LMS, as well. Our niece, Emma and she is my bright spot. She is five and she lights up the room with
her presence. When I feel down in the dumps, I will think of her and realize that no matter what happens, everything will be okay.

Before reading your post, I wanted to leave the hospital, hop in my car and drive far away. I wanted to drive and drive as far away from this life as I could get. Because of your post I now have the motivation, strength and
desire to go back up to the fifth floor and be the best wife and caregiver that
I can be. That is what Steve deserves.

Your post has inspired me to repurpose my own life. I have experienced so much throughout this painful journey and I plan to look for opportunity to help others benefit from what I've learned.


Thank you,

Chels

"Seers of Seers...and... Prognisticators of Progosticators"   

LOL! LOL! LOL!

Dearest Chels,

I've read many posts in my day, but yours hit me square where I live - my heart! 

You talk about 'getting it.'  Well, you sure do! 

Now, here's another story that might make the hair on the back of your neck stand up...but in a good way:)

So, I didn't think I was going to finish the post last Friday...I had a couple of sections left...and then all the editing...I didn't want to rush it, because I thought it might be one of the last pieces I write here and I wanted it to be nice.  I was figuring on about Tuesday or Wednesday of the following week.

But, something was nagging at me to finish it...something told me that folks would have more time and be able to more fully absorb this post on the weekend, rather than during the busy week that we all face...with jobs or without...with cancer...or without. 

So, I worked through my lunch...and then decided to stay late after work to finish the doc up...I was talking to Marie as I was about to finally leave. 

And look what happened!

Here's another funny story...

I got tickled when you said you were "Engrossed" with reading...I know just what you mean...the exact feeling...my wife had a friend in out of town and they were out for the evening...I was still strung pretty high from writing that post...and just needed to read it a couple of more times and read the responses that had come in.

I had the movie Donnie Brasco playing in the background, sort of as "white noise."  But, I was so engrossed, that I muted the volume so I could concentrate...

Time must have just flown by...they returned home and I still had my head buried in the crt screen...my wife goes "What's That?"  And I turned around and there on tv was one of those "After Dark" specials with a couple of folks on there just "wearin' it out."  If you know what I mean?  LOL! LOL! LOL!

20 years ago would I have missed that?  LOL!  That's how engrossed I was - I totally get that. I'm sorry your coffee went cold...but I was on fire, right? LOL!

Let's look at what happened...

"Chelsea71" was checking out...and I mean in a big way...the whole essence of who and what you are was runnin'.  I've seen it in my wife, I know what it looks like...and I know what it sounds like too.  And so, we had some type of intervention that morning in the coffee shop...when I was joking around me about being the Skipper and heading you safely back towards shore...I hinted that you would be changed and different leaving - than you were when you arrived.

You solidified that feeling in me...if only one gets it, then mission accomplished...we can't save everyone...but I've got my hand out to the ones that want to try with me.   

And look at you!  Now, you want to 'pay it forward' too...it's clear to me that you got every single word I wrote...I'm just so proud of you!

The GIFT was in our exchange...that's where the magic took place, Chels:) 

And to an even larger extent....both of our healing...or at least the path towards healing...

And we did that together...wasn't it great?

Repurpose was a principle that we put into action - and it yielded the results of what I thought it could do if we adopted that belief.  It has universal applications to everything in our lives. 

"We bypassed FDA approval - we skipped the Clinical Trials - and moved straight to Human Trials - we injected the Repurpose vaccine - and we experienced 100% positive response to that treatment. "

Chels, does it really get any better than this?

I showed your reply to the Lord...and I was wiping the tears out of my eyes, I told him, "See, a real difference has been made here...look what my Chels wrote..."

I've been in discussions with Him on why if I can help...why can't I help with the book deal or something? 

Until, they call my number, I still want to stay here and try and help as many as I can.

You filled me up with so much Hope, Chels!  I write for you guys - I bleed for you guys!  I just love it when a real difference has been made.

Pay It Forward, Darlin's...I'm counting on you:)

And listen, strangely, I somehow feel like Steve is going to get better...at least much better than where he has been....some of that pain is going to go away...some normalcy will return...give him my love and tell him Hi for me. 

I'm glad to be with you at this point in your life - thank you for allowing me in to get to know you:)

-Craig

Kathleen808 said:

Craig

Craig,

You're a gem, a brilliant wonderful gem.  Thank you for sharing your words, so filled with deep thought and insight.  I love how you describe your time with LMS!  Oh how very precious to see the world throught the wonderful eyes of a child.  I also love your description of your barn.  When **** and I moved into our house we built a lava rock wall around our carport and made it part of the backyard.  We now call it our lanai and have two tables, a tiki bar, our washer and dryer a couch, coffee table and two chairs, lots of flowers..... you get the picture.. it's all what you do with it.

Thank you for sharing.  I too have learned so much from all of you.

 

Take care my friend.

 

Aloha,

Kathleen

I'm so glad to see you again!!!

I'm glad you got to read this post and enjoyed it.  Many of the sections have resonated differently with so many people, it's been interesting to see what touches one from another...

I'll never have the view that you have...but the view I'll have in the barn now, will get me where I need to go...I've got imagination...and I've spun webs with it for many years to keep me grounded and strong in this world.

"What you make it" as you say...yes indeed.

LMS is my little girl now...only I haven't told the parents, LOL!

It was such a rush, Kathleen...such an innocent and trusting soul...I thought how could I let her down.  She trusts me...and it took a few days to 'earn' that trust...but what a payoff!  I soooo understand now...and so glad that those unresolved feelings have been mitigated now.

I can now enjoy mine...yours...everybody's...thank goodness!

If my spirit ever gets to the Islands, I'll call you and ****....that way, you'll know I'm there and not to answer the door! LOL!

I've been not too many places in my life...that's our dream trip...and if I get there, I will indeed look you and **** up....

Big hugs!

-c