question about internal pain

I have not been treated with radiation, only surgeries but have had internal pain and it turned out to be a fisture, I have had this twice, the first time I needed a surgical repair, the second time it seemed to heal on it's own, ask your doctoor if you may possibly have a fisture ?

I am thinking of you this morning as you go for your next to last treatment.  I hoping you had a restful weekend and are ready to seize the next 2 days, then let the healing begin!

LaCh said:

mp327

Thank you MP,

The weekends are more of a psychological break rather than a physical one, since the days off are just as hellish as the days on treatment. This weekend was no different and one exquisitely painfuil moment just bleeds into the next. That said, tomorrow is the last treatment, for which I'm VERY happy.  I don't expect to feel any change in the pain for a while since I've already had several three-day weekends away from treatment without any letup in the pain, but still, simply knowing that I'm done will be a huge mental boost.  The tech looked at the stuff oozing from the burns (now 2nd degree) and said that it's normal goop from the skin beaking down, not infection so I've rescheduled my appt with the gastroenterologist from tomorrow to Friday (she was going to look at the burns).  I have nothing left, not a drop of energy, strength, nothing, I can't walk anywhere, not even the few blocks to her office and tomorrow's weather will make catching a cab difficult, if not impossible. The one bright spot during the weekend was a massage that I got at the Sloan Kettering Intergrative Center.  It was an enormous help in easing the pain which now permeates every cell of my body and every moment in the day (I'm not experiencing anything different from anyone else who visits this website, which isn't lost on me).  If the massages weren't so expensive, I'd do it more often, as the benefits, although short-lived, are just huge.  I couldn't even speak when I arrived and was able to smile when I left.  So this time tomorrow, and I'm done, done, done done, DONE.

You are correct--finishing treatment does not allow the physical pain to immediately vanish, but it is certainly good for emotional healing.  Just knowing you are done will will be very uplifting, as it was for me.  The massage sounds wonderful and a good bit of advice for others to try if they have the means.  One more day--I am very happy for you.

LaCh said:

mp327

Thank you MP,

The weekends are more of a psychological break rather than a physical one, since the days off are just as hellish as the days on treatment. This weekend was no different and one exquisitely painfuil moment just bleeds into the next. That said, tomorrow is the last treatment, for which I'm VERY happy.  I don't expect to feel any change in the pain for a while since I've already had several three-day weekends away from treatment without any letup in the pain, but still, simply knowing that I'm done will be a huge mental boost.  The tech looked at the stuff oozing from the burns (now 2nd degree) and said that it's normal goop from the skin beaking down, not infection so I've rescheduled my appt with the gastroenterologist from tomorrow to Friday (she was going to look at the burns).  I have nothing left, not a drop of energy, strength, nothing, I can't walk anywhere, not even the few blocks to her office and tomorrow's weather will make catching a cab difficult, if not impossible. The one bright spot during the weekend was a massage that I got at the Sloan Kettering Intergrative Center.  It was an enormous help in easing the pain which now permeates every cell of my body and every moment in the day (I'm not experiencing anything different from anyone else who visits this website, which isn't lost on me).  If the massages weren't so expensive, I'd do it more often, as the benefits, although short-lived, are just huge.  I couldn't even speak when I arrived and was able to smile when I left.  So this time tomorrow, and I'm done, done, done done, DONE.

Hi there!  I have tried to post several times but for some reason it won't let me submit, but will try again.  I finished treatment last Friday & just so pleased I can stay at home & indulge in relaxingbecause I have no appetite nor energy.  This too will pass & looking forward to getting a bit of me back. You sem to have had a rough journey & I will be so pleased for you completing treatment.  Like everyone tells me, be kind to yourself.  We will get there

Liz x

pializ said:

LaCh

Hi there!  I have tried to post several times but for some reason it won't let me submit, but will try again.  I finished treatment last Friday & just so pleased I can stay at home & indulge in relaxingbecause I have no appetite nor energy.  This too will pass & looking forward to getting a bit of me back. You sem to have had a rough journey & I will be so pleased for you completing treatment.  Like everyone tells me, be kind to yourself.  We will get there

Liz x

Congratulations on finishing your treatment!  I am so happy for you and hope that your recovery will be quick.  As time passes, you will notice little improvements--each to be appreciated and celebrated!  Soon things will be so much better, so just hang in there and take good care of yourself.

LaCh said:

pializ

Pializ,

Yes, this website is often difficult to post to., difficult to log onto and difficult to navigate.  Although I have an appetite, I'm eating only eggs, bread, ice pops, water (three liters a day) and chicken broth, simply because going to the bathroom after eating anything else is painful to the point of desiring a quick death from a heart attack. I share your feeling of no energy; simply getting into a cab, going to treatment, getting back in a cab and coming home exhausts me for the rest of the day.  Talking on the phone is exhausting, walking more than a block is exhausting, pretty much everything is either exhausting or painful or both, so I'm looking forward to not having to go and do anything (and for me, "anything" only means treatment).  Wednesday is already looking sweet.  Congrats on finishing your treatments.  I'm right behind you.

LaCh: You are a strong person; I could never have done what you have done by myself. I remember feeling exactly as you do right now, exhausted, too exhausted even to talk, no appetite, horrible burn pains. So glad you only have one more treatment. I'm glad you found something to help you - the massage. ANYTHING that makes you feel better will help.  I've been reading your posts; of course there is nothing any of us can do to make it easier; just know that my thoughts are with you and I'm glad you're almost done with the treatments.

LaCh said:

mp327 Thanks!

DoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneDone

DONE!

Now I have to get the burn infection under control, the pain, the bowel issues, the entire package of benefits....  but I am freaking ¡DONE!

I sincerely thank all who gave their generous words of support and for theior constancy.  As for doing this alone....  there really wasn't anything anyone could have done for me anyway. This is a solitary thing, no matter how much someone might want to lighten the burden and to have someone here with me would have been an added layer of stress. I'm a solitary person by nature and solitude is comfortable (and sought after) for me; I love my lifestyle and wouldn't trade it for anything.  As for "getting it done" alone, you just do what needs to be done, whatever "it" is at the moment.  I don't even think about it, really.  In any case, despite the pain which is still off the charts, despite the infection that seems to have developed (antibiotics on the way), despite the bowel issues that must resolve for me to regain a good quality of life, despite all the unknowns that will only be revealed in time, I am happy today.

Congrats on completing treatment! Whew! Let the healing begin!