At wits end... What wit?

have a pity party.  Being a caregiver is no easy job and especially when we are caregivers to our husbands.  And yes cancer sucks and it changes personalities too.  My husband is just as stubborn about going into the hospital or even to the doctors anymore.  And I am told I don't understand well no I don't understand everything he has been thru and is going thru but he doesn't understand what this horrible disease does to the caregiver too. 

If he needs fluids than he should be in the ER.  When they become dehydrated their bodies really react.  My husband became very dehydrated the first time he had chemo but the oncologist gave him fluids daily in the office and it helped.  The second time he had chemo, he made sure he drank enough water to not have a problem.  Guess he was lucky also because he never had terrible nausea either time.  The medication they gave him helped.

Sharon

Is there any type of home health care in your area? They could then come and give your husband fluids etc. Does he still have his port, if he had one? My port stayed acessed for most of my post treatment. My oncology team ordered home health visits for me after treatment. After he recovers he will see how lucky he is to have you. I know I was with my wife. Keep a positive attitude and things will get better. Wishes & Prayers

Dave

wolfen said:

The Free Gift

This is not meant to be funny.

Unfortunately, you've just received another "free gift" that cancer provides. "The Emotional Yo-Yo"  In reality, your husband probably doesn't even realize that he snapped at you. Cancer, as well as any serious illness, can tend to bring out the worst in someone. Your concern is seen as nagging. Your suggestions are heard as orders. When all you're trying to do is help.

At times, you wonder if there is still a "you" in there someplace. You'll learn to just tune out these episodes. It may take a gentle reminder that you're not a dishrag.

My hubby thinks I am Mrs. Polyanna with blinders on. I think he's Mr. Doom & Gloom. Neither of us walks in the others shoes and never will. So, I just try to to hit a happy medium. I've been "nagging" for more than 40 years now, and will continue to do so.

And guys, don't be offended by this one. I think it may be harder for men to accept suggestions from spouses. We really have your best interests at heart and aren't trying to "control" you. We just simply love you.

So, if this type of thing hapens again, just remember it's the temporary down drop of that yo-yo and it will come back up soon.

Luv,

Wolfen

I understand why you feel down.  It's hard trying to do everything, keep everything going and be married to someone who doesn't appear much like the man you love.  Don't get me wrong I love David but it is hard when you are seen as the bad guy or ignored.  It's a lonely place to be.  As far as home health they are great; however, I give David his IV fluids and antibiotics myself.  They have trained me and trust I can tell when he is getting dehydrated.  It is great to have one less thing to worry about.  Keep doing what you are doing, when this is over your hubby will be so thankful that you took such good care of him.

NJShore said:

My admiration...

Mike,

i so admire your wife, and her good critical thinking skills! A friend of mine described our roles very well this am, she said I was thinking strategically. And that my husband thinks tacticly. I am looking at the original goals and planning to meet all the needs, while he is working on today. Unfortunately, yesterday he wanted sleep more than get help, and I need to keep my confidence level up to protect his long term interest.

thank you for sharing your story.. It helps!

Kari

come to our rescue.  I know I have not played fair with Diane many times during my treatments over the last 11 months, many times I just was mad at my situation and the doggone cancer and what it was doing to me, us everthing going south.  So often when I wanted to hold her the tightest and let her know how precious she is to me I would lash out, fuss over suggestions or just be a Butt.  This was not consistent, but it did not matter anytime I lashed out to someone who was having as hard or harder time than I was , was just unacceptable.  I would not have made it this far without her and I assure you I have told her  that, and aplogized for my many outburst.  All that said keep up the good work you are doing, you love him and visa versa, all this will pass.  If nothing else get the biggest NERF BAT you can get and knock him around a bit.  Diane considered that but I had to send her back to the store for the NERF BAT, the wooden one she had was hidden by the kids.  Thank you Kids. LOL

and whiskey, etc.  I'm not recommending you drink, but such a situation could certainly drive one to do so.  Instead, try to make sure you are getting enough emotional support somewhere (good nutrition, antidepressants, counselor, whatever).  Easier said than done - I was not a good example of doing any of that.

Dehydration and nausea can also cause constipation - which (in its worst form) makes it very hard to keep anything down, as the digestive system refuses to take anything else in until the blockage is removed.  Something to discuss with the doctor, if you haven't already (and yet another thing for your husband to bite your head off about, but tough).  Our doctor told us about someone who had gone weeks. . . just didn't want to admit it.

In-office or outpatient IV rehydration really helps.  We were doing it 2-3x a week and it made a huge difference.

I have said many times that I think the role of caregiver is much harder than being the patient and I was the patient. I would rather have the beast myself then have my husband have it. He was very good to me thru out all of it and I couldn't have done it without him. There is probably a good chance your husband won't even really remember how he acted towards you but I am sure he didn't mean it. Most of my summer is just a blur, just the same things day after day. It will get better, hang in there.

hwt said:

Kari

When I was dehydrated, I went  daily to the chemo lab for a week and got fluids without being admitted. It is ever so important for you to schedule some "me time" each and every week. I know when my sisters took my husband up to the casino a couple of hours it was a bright spot for me as the patient. We all feel anger over our situation and I'm certain your husband is appreciative of all you do. I know I snapped at my husband and sister more than once and certainly did not mean it. Unfortunately, it just happens.

Dehydration can do crazy things to us. When I was sick and vomiting for a few days I became very dehydrated and spent 3 days in the hospital. Honestly had I known I was heading that way I would have gone sooner for fluids and probably wouldn't have had to stay even one night. After that my oncologist had me go to "short stay" 3 times a week for hydration. My oncologist in in the hospital so I would just head upstairs after radiation and get comfy in a bed for a few hours and get my fluids. Then I could go home and I honestly would feel so much better after being hydrated. Maybe your DR can RX that for him. Vivian also had a great suggestion of seeing if you could get home health care to come in and do it. When my son was sick he had a PICC line for over a year and we had home health care for a while and then like Vivian, I took over and did it all myself. Its easy to do and he could be in his own comfy bed or chair. Either way he needs to stay as hydrated as possible. You get too dehydrated and it does some serious nasty damage! Now I know what I know I tell people "you don't want to die while trying to live do you?"

In other words, you have to do your part too Mr. Patient!!!

Oh and before I forget, you are free to a pity party anytime you wish! I promise you tho, your hubby probably won't even remember lashing out at you.

Take good care of you! 

Billie