What's wrong with NOT having reconstruction?

2

Comments

  • carkris
    carkris Member Posts: 4,553 Member
    #22
    Gabe N Abby Mom said:

    Nothing!

    I did chemo first, then bilateral. no reconstruction, then rads.   I'm triple neg inflammatory BC, in my case I was told no reconstruction for a year.  In that year I had a local recurrence and was found to be stage IV with mets to lymph nodes between my lungs.  With all of that, I decided I don;t need or want any more surgery.  So I won't get it done.  I am content with my prosthesis.  Some days I don't wear them, usually if I'm not going anywhere.

    I wonder if your husband and docs are assuming you want reconstruction because of your previous attempt.  They may be doing what they think you want.   Perhaps their real feelings are different, and they aren't saying anything to 'protect' you.

     

    Stick to your guns, take a deep breath, and talk with your husband first.  Then next time a doc brings it up just say you've changed your mind and you no longer want reconstruction.  I'm betting they will all be more supportive than you expect.

     

    Hugs,

    Linda

    I think everyone is

    I think everyone is different, but sometimes i am annoyed by the assumption by docs that we cant deal with being boobless. i think we are sensible and do what is right. I was frequently discouraged from having a propholactic mastectomy , perhpas for the same reasons, by the time i decided on it it was too late.

  • sweetvickid
    sweetvickid Member Posts: 459 Member
    #23
    I was 55 when I had a double mastectomy

    I was 55 when I had a double mastectomy.  Family and hubby and even friends assumed I would do reconstruction. At first I just figured I would do reconstruction.  Then I read up on the process.I wasn't big busted had no droop and hubby bragged that mine looked better than a lot of younger women's.  He was pushing for reconstruction.  So I had him read up on the procedures with videos of the surgeries of what would happen for implants or the flap surgery. Also had him look at pictures of breast that plastic surgeons had done.  He changed his tune.  Informed me that what ever I wanted to do was fine with him.  When I said I had decided not to do it he said he thought that was a good decision.

    That was in 2010.  Got the foobs and very rarely ever wear the things.  I am amazed at the number of people that never notice I don't have boobs.

     

    When I had my mastectomy I made sure the surgeon would not leave extra skin, so my chest is nice and smooth.

  • DebbyM
    DebbyM Member Posts: 3,289 Member
    #24
    Gabe N Abby Mom said:

    Nothing!

    I did chemo first, then bilateral. no reconstruction, then rads.   I'm triple neg inflammatory BC, in my case I was told no reconstruction for a year.  In that year I had a local recurrence and was found to be stage IV with mets to lymph nodes between my lungs.  With all of that, I decided I don;t need or want any more surgery.  So I won't get it done.  I am content with my prosthesis.  Some days I don't wear them, usually if I'm not going anywhere.

    I wonder if your husband and docs are assuming you want reconstruction because of your previous attempt.  They may be doing what they think you want.   Perhaps their real feelings are different, and they aren't saying anything to 'protect' you.

     

    Stick to your guns, take a deep breath, and talk with your husband first.  Then next time a doc brings it up just say you've changed your mind and you no longer want reconstruction.  I'm betting they will all be more supportive than you expect.

     

    Hugs,

    Linda

    You just do whatever if

    You just do whatever if anything that you feel is right for you, just you.  Talk to your husband, sit him down and tell him how you feel and how what he has said has hurt you.  You may get surprised that he is just doing or saying what he thinks he should.  Men can be clueless in this journey so much of the time.

     

    Lots of hugs, Debby

  • Different Ballgame
    Different Ballgame Member Posts: 868
    #25
    Do What You Want

    The most important thing is that you do what you want and not what someone else wants.

    I also had both expanders removed due to infections...left breast 5 weeks after mastectomy and right breast 7 weeks after mastectomy at the age of 65.  In my case, my husband did not want me to have the implants as he did not want me to have another surgery.  I did what I wanted, which was, "I wanted those implants."  My reconstruction was totally completed 3 years after my mastectomies.

    We are all different.  What makes you feel good and secure should guide you to doing what is best for you.

    Lots of Hugs,

    Janelle

     

     

     

     

     

  • Pink Rose
    Pink Rose Member Posts: 493
    #26
    CypressCynthia said:

    Nothing!

    Reconstruction is a strictly individual choice.  When I was first diagnosed, I was just 33 and reconstruction was the right move for me.  However, I will be 60 this year and I am not sure if I would have done it at this age.  Don't let anyone influence you!  Do what is right for YOU.

    I agree with everything

    I agree with everything written that this is your choice and do what is right for you.

     

    Good luck,

     

    Rose

  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #27
    I had lumpectomy in 2008 and

    I had lumpectomy in 2008 and another one same side 4 wks ago..swelling has gone down and much more noticable to me. LIKE you I have had about 15 misc surgeries. I would not consider getting it fixed (if they even do anything for lumpectomies) I feel you should do what makes you and ONLY you happy and comfortable.

     

    Is there a couselor at your cancer center or support group?

     

    I'll check back in to see how you are making out. So sorry the expanders didnt' work out.

     

    Denise

  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #28
    Different Ballgame said:

    Do What You Want

    The most important thing is that you do what you want and not what someone else wants.

    I also had both expanders removed due to infections...left breast 5 weeks after mastectomy and right breast 7 weeks after mastectomy at the age of 65.  In my case, my husband did not want me to have the implants as he did not want me to have another surgery.  I did what I wanted, which was, "I wanted those implants."  My reconstruction was totally completed 3 years after my mastectomies.

    We are all different.  What makes you feel good and secure should guide you to doing what is best for you.

    Lots of Hugs,

    Janelle

     

     

     

     

     

    Janelle wrote what I say, do

    Janelle wrote what I say, do what YOU want!  All the pink sisters are supporting any decision you make for yourself!

    Hugs, Megan

  • Pink Rose
    Pink Rose Member Posts: 493
    #29
    sweetvickid said:

    I was 55 when I had a double mastectomy

    I was 55 when I had a double mastectomy.  Family and hubby and even friends assumed I would do reconstruction. At first I just figured I would do reconstruction.  Then I read up on the process.I wasn't big busted had no droop and hubby bragged that mine looked better than a lot of younger women's.  He was pushing for reconstruction.  So I had him read up on the procedures with videos of the surgeries of what would happen for implants or the flap surgery. Also had him look at pictures of breast that plastic surgeons had done.  He changed his tune.  Informed me that what ever I wanted to do was fine with him.  When I said I had decided not to do it he said he thought that was a good decision.

    That was in 2010.  Got the foobs and very rarely ever wear the things.  I am amazed at the number of people that never notice I don't have boobs.

     

    When I had my mastectomy I made sure the surgeon would not leave extra skin, so my chest is nice and smooth.

    Everyone has to do what is

    Everyone has to do what is best for them and not think or worry about what someone else has to say.  I am sure you'll do what is right and best just for you. 

    I'm glad you felt you could open up and discuss this with us.  I hope that we've helped you to feel better.

     

    Rose

  • Compromising2
    Compromising2 Member Posts: 16
    #30
    Go with your feelings because

    Go with your feelings because you are the one who is gonna have to go through the procedures. I understand getting through chemo is a job within itself. I did chemo, masectomy and radiation. March will be 1 year anniversary for surgery. I use my prothesis. I'm 49 and thankful to be alive. I don't like have surgery so I don't plan on reconstruction. I may change my mind later but today I say no.  Smile

     

  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #31
    Compromising2 said:

    Go with your feelings because

    Go with your feelings because you are the one who is gonna have to go through the procedures. I understand getting through chemo is a job within itself. I did chemo, masectomy and radiation. March will be 1 year anniversary for surgery. I use my prothesis. I'm 49 and thankful to be alive. I don't like have surgery so I don't plan on reconstruction. I may change my mind later but today I say no.  Smile

     

    I so agree with going with

    I so agree with going with your gut feelings.  You are the one that has to go thru more surgery and if you don't want to, then please do not do it. 

    If you were to change your mind, you could always do it later, much later.

     

    Good luck, Leeza

  • sea60
    sea60 Member Posts: 2,613
    #32
    The RIGHT decision

    is the one YOU make for yourself.

     

    Hugs,

    Sylvia

  • Dottie Bru
    Dottie Bru Member Posts: 1
    #33
    Sdawells said:

    thank you all for your replys.

    Thank you all for your kind words and replys.  It is a choice I can wait on but feeling the pressure doesn"t make it any easier. Yes, I have told myself, NO SURGERY UNLESS IT IS NEEDED TO SAVE MY LIFE.  I guess that at this point I'm feeling so miserable with the side effects of chemo that all I can think of is this just being over.  It is so helpful to have someplace that I can say these things and know that others understand.  I really appreciate all of your advise. Thanks again

    17 yrs ago I had a mastectomy with recontruction of a saline implant on the mastectomy side & a lift on the 'good' side so they matched. Over the yrs, the implant moved as I either lost or gained weight & I needed more surgery----saline implant was removed & replaced & 'good' side was lifted. In July, after a routine mammo, I was diagnosed with invasive lobular cancer--found in the scarline on the 'good' side. Many people tried to talk me into reconstruction----Many except my family, that is. Reconstruction is a BIG deal--no matter what anyone says!!!! After much research & advice, I opted for NO reconstruction. --and I had the implant removed. IAM SO GLAD I DID!!!! The chemo effected my shoulder, knee & foot on the implant side AND I was in a wheel chair most of the time. At one point, the ortho scheduled me for knee surgery, I was in so much pain. But then my foot swelled & I was diagnosed with chemo triggered gout. Chemo also gave me sores in my mouth & on my tongue which NOTHING helped.I KNOW I could never deal with the chemo ----reconstruction & a spouse with Alzheimers!! Yes, the prosthesis are very heavy so I have been wearing 'knitted ****' in all different colors that my friends made me. The directions are online.

  • punkinpie
    punkinpie Member Posts: 18
    #34
    sea60 said:

    The RIGHT decision

    is the one YOU make for yourself.

     

    Hugs,

    Sylvia

    Implants

    My surgeon brought up implants, but also advised that radiation therapy might damage the implant and it may have to be replaced...My radiation oncologist advesed me not to get reconstruction due to the fact that a reoccurance would be harder to catch..That was enough for me. I can't imagine trying to stretch out the skin in my radiated area let alone more surgery there. I can only imagine how long it would take to heal. So, I haven't had reconstruction, and I'm ok with it. I would definately do whatever you feel comfortable with. . 

  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398 Member
    #35
    Does not make us ugly

    I would like to say not having breasts has men looking me in my eyes and not the chest like they normally did when I did have them.  That being said, 16 years ago double mastectomy at age 36 and I do not regret not having reconstructive surgery and much like a model I saw on Oprah I feel more like a woman today than I did before.  I refused reconstruction since having so many problems through all treatments including surgery.  I resigned myself to the treatments but decided that I had suffered enough and willing to do go for more surgery.

    Thankfully I didn't have reconstruction at time of my raging staph infection after Chemo #2 not sure I would still be here had I done so.

    It is a personal decision that you and only you can make and have to live with not anyone else...

    Take good care of yourself.

    Tara

  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398 Member
    #36
    Does not make us ugly

    I would like to say not having breasts has men looking me in my eyes and not the chest like they normally did when I did have them.  That being said, 16 years ago double mastectomy at age 36 and I do not regret not having reconstructive surgery and much like a model I saw on Oprah I feel more like a woman today than I did before.  I refused reconstruction since having so many problems through all treatments including surgery.  I resigned myself to the treatments but decided that I had suffered enough and not willing to do go for more surgery.

    Thankfully I didn't have reconstruction at time of my raging staph infection after Chemo #2 not sure I would still be here had I done so.

    It is a personal decision that you and only you can make and have to live with not anyone else...

    Take good care of yourself.

    Tara

  • icuucme2
    icuucme2 Member Posts: 2
    #37
    Agree with you

    I agree with you, if you don't want to do don't. When I first found out I had breast cancer and at the time was told it was a small lump and I could have a mastectomy or conserve my breast, I chose to conserve. I was amazed at the women who told me how vain I was. Then when I did have to have a mastectomy and I chose at the time not to have anything done reconstruction until after my treatment was done. I was told that I was vain again and shouldn't have reconstruction surgery. 18 months after my mastectomy and 14 months of treatment I had reconstruction surgery and love it. In May I will have my next surgery and 3 months after that my last one. :) However, it is my choice to do so I respect your choice as well. Don't feel bad about not having it done, but also don't let fear dictate what you do and don't do.

    Lynne

  • icuucme2
    icuucme2 Member Posts: 2
    #38
    Agree with you

    I agree with you, if you don't want to do don't. When I first found out I had breast cancer and at the time was told it was a small lump and I could have a mastectomy or conserve my breast, I chose to conserve. I was amazed at the women who told me how vain I was. Then when I did have to have a mastectomy and I chose at the time not to have anything done reconstruction until after my treatment was done. I was told that I was vain again and shouldn't have reconstruction surgery. 18 months after my mastectomy and 14 months of treatment I had reconstruction surgery and love it. In May I will have my next surgery and 3 months after that my last one. :) However, it is my choice to do so I respect your choice as well. Don't feel bad about not having it done, but also don't let fear dictate what you do and don't do.

    Lynne

  • Marcia527
    Marcia527 Member Posts: 2,729
    #39
    It's up to you.

    I did not have reconstruction. I was just tired of treatment and wanted to get finished. I was told I could always get it done later. The problem with this is if I'd had it done then my health insurance  would have paid. Now with no insurance we'd have to pay. I am not sure I'd have it done anyway. At my age who's looking? 

    Decide what would make you happy. Only you know your circumstances.

     

  • muffingranma
    muffingranma Member Posts: 107
    #40
    I have had a mastectomy. I am

    I have had a mastectomy. I am not even considering having reconstruction surgery. Glad that was my discision because my cancer is back already after having a mastectomy Nov. 5th 2012. I will have surgery again in two weeks. If no one wants to see my battle scars they can look away, it won't bother me.It is what you feel comfortable with. I am still being drained after he took the drains out the last of Nov. Best of lucki with what ever you decide.

  • littleangel65
    littleangel65 Member Posts: 46
    #41
    Good for you

    I had my right breast removed last year, and at that time, I thought, oh YES, I am getting reconstruction, but now that time has passed, and I am still going strong, I am not so sure I want to have reconstruction, the only thing that is truly bothering me, is this flab on my side, it gets in the way, when I do put a bra on and my prosithis, but other than that, my husband accepts me for me, not for weather or not I have all my parts. lol

    And the more I think about the pros and cons of reconstruction, the more I ask myself, does that reconstruction stuff hide things that need to be addressed, as far as cancer coming back to a specific area? 

    All that matters, is what makes you feel the most comfortable, you know your body better than anyone.

    Don't worry about what other people think, they aren't the ones having to make that decision.

    Take Care

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