Good news but...........

Clovergirl said:

choices indeed
So much of what you say is how I feel. Sometimes quality is better than quantity. At the moment I have no idea what I will choose to do but I am going to pray hard on it!

Yes, for many people quality of life is more important than quantity. These are very personal and individual choices and you should be guided by whatever resources you feel serve you best, whether your logic, your gut, your religion, your tarot cards or something else.  These are your decisions to make and ideally, you hope that whatever you choose, those who love you will support you through them.  Both my parents died of lung cancer. My father had 18 months of chemo and suffered terribly throughout.  My mother chose not to treat hers and died two years after she was diagnosed, having had two good quality years in which she visited with friends and loved ones and had a bright and optimistic outlook.  This situation (ours) isn't quite the same, of course. This cancer is highly curable in its early stages but the longterm consequences of the treatment are potentially quality of life issues and no one can predict which group you'll fall into, those with minimal problems or those with substantial ones. This is my particualr dilemma.  I love life and I hope to live it a while longer but would I want a life of constant pain or frequent bowel issues?  Personally, I wouldn't.  But that's my choice and everyone chooses his or her own path. There are even more subtle questions.  I go to Spain and hike in the mountains, alone, in very remote and isolated areas. In a few years time, doing that will be very risky.  Should I fall and break a hip, I'd be in a pretty bad situation, there's no one around, there's no cell phone coverge and that's a situation in which I don't want to be.  Part of the beauty of doing what I like to do, is the autonomy and indenendant way in which I do it.  Now, the inability to do that any more isn't a deal breaker for me in terms of choosing or rejecting treatment, but simply illustrates how the issues aren't all straightforward but are often quite nuanced. Secondary cancers, longterm pain, bowel issues, hip fractures.  These are all post treatment possibilities but no one knows which scenario one will find onself in until one does.  That's the rub.

Clovergirl said:

LaCh
LaCh I really appreciate your thoughts.... but enough about me. How are you doing??? how are you managing with treatment?

Well, let's see. I have exquisite pain whenI go to the bathroom for which there are no words in any language that I'm aware of, I'm creeping toward a 7 hemoglobin which is the point at which you get transfused (according to my gastroenterologist), climbing the 5 flights of stairs to my apartment is a hugh challenge and instead of walking briskly from the street level to my house, I have to stop on every landing, walking more than a block in the city is exhausting, I have a painful neuropathy in my knee from the 5FU.  So all in all I feel like sh*t.  BUT...  I feel mentally strong and see this situation the same way that I saw it at the outset, as an opportunity, a vehicle for change in some personal ways for which I've fallen somewhet short in the past. My attitude is that everyone gets something.  Live long enough and that's a guarantee. What isn't a guarantee is how you respond to it and that will define you more than the disease will.  I've set my sights on a goal and haven't lost sight of it, so while I don't like the situation, I see it as a huge opportunity for me for some very positive things.  In short, physically it's very difficult and I still have 16 radiation treatments and one round of chemo to go; I'm not even halfway done.   But mentally, I'm doing well.  As for the doubts I have about what I'm doing?   Yes, I have grave doubts and have come close to pulling the plug on the entire thing more than once. I can live with pain during treatment.  I'm not sure I want to live a long, cancer free life with major quality of life issues, and what defines "major" or "minor" is a personal matter. 

I agree, get a second opinion.  My father and sister died of cancer and neither chose treatment.  They both died in less than a year.  I looked at how my dying will effect my family, especially the young grandchildren I am raising.  My situation is different, I am stage four so side effects from treatment wasn't a consideration.  I choose the aggressive approach.  I had a liver resection, even though the one spot on my liver appeared to be dead from the chemo because Drs said removal will increase my survivial rate 20-30%.  The tumor board also considered taking out my lympth nodes which can cause major side effects and could leave a person unable to walk much.  I am a very active widow who must climb 3 flights of stairs to reach home, so being unable to use my legs much would have effected EVERYTHING, I would have had to sell my home, horses etc.  How would I be able to care for my young grandchildren alone?  I decide  I was going to do whatever they said.  They ruled against it and decided to have a wait and see approach.  I accepted that, although sometimes I wonder if I should have demanded they be removed and deal with the side effects.  It's a hard choice to make.  For me, it was who and why am I fighting this was the decision maker, not so much the side effects. 

I have not been on the board for too long and haven't logged in to recently due to the holidays  and kids off from school and others home from college as well as work etc. but welcome ! The people on this board have been a wealth of info for me as well as a great sounding board and most importantly a huge emotional support system, so you are in a good place. I am sorry to hear of your situation, I actually have a very similar situation to yours, my problems started back in 2009, I have been dealing with tumnors, pre-cancer, squamous cell carcinomas which have resulted in numerous surgeries, I am monitered very closely and have had several recurrences, I switched doctors and hospitals in 2011 hoping to stop the recurrences but I am right back in the OR again this week, I am scheduled for another surgery this Fri. in which I will spend a few days in the hospital and 4-6 weeks recovering at home. My case has been reviewed by the tumor boards in both hospitals and in my case they are holding off on the chemo-radiation due to the side effects at this point being it is still pre-invasive. I just turned 50 and it has been a rough couple of years, my last surgery was a year ago and quite extensive, it included not only removing the growth with wide excisions but also flaps and plastic surgery, a week in the hospital and six weeks of not being allowed to sit. I don't know if they are considering surgery in your case  but I can fill you in on what to expect on recovery if you wanted the info.. Keep us posted, wishing you the best.