DEJAVU

I've been out of town all this week so haven't been able to keep up with CSN as much as I'd like to--but when I was able to read your post, it really hit home for me.  Thinking back almost exactly four years to when I got dx'd and treated, I went into that with a lot of brave naitivity.  I was going to kick the beast's **** and come out smilin'.  Well, I am very fortunate to be a survivor, but the 4-year battle has taken a toll in many ways.  So far, I've made it but I ain't smilin' as much as I thought I'd be.  While I'm showing no signs of a recurrence, there is a lingering fear of that happening, and knowing that I'd have to face all that sh*t again.  In some ways, not really knowing what I was in for in Round 1 now sounds better than going into a Round 2 knowing what the last four years has been like.

Bottom line, I can understand your fear, but also agree with everyone who has encouraged you to gear up for another round, if that's what's in the cards for you.  As I've told myself and many others over the last four years...surviving cancer sure beats the alternative!

Mike