I am sure I am not the only one...but curious

It is odd.
It is odd, but maybe there is a fear. I don't know, really. It's hard to see parents suffer.

Tell Her
Well Denise, I have had as many surgeries as you. I have been hospitalized more times than I want to remember. I have always ask that no one visit me. If possible, I choose an out of town hospital. If not, those who call, I will say upfront, please don't come. This included my grown children. They do call me while I am in the hospital.

I'm in the hospital for a reason and I don't want to play hostess to visitors. I'm sick, I look like hell and I don't want people around. I need to rest. Perhaps I am just different.

If you wanted your daughter to visit, could you not say, "hey, dear daughter, I would like some company, especially you to visit with me while I'm at the hospital".

For me, it's normal behavior. I also hate flowers. I'm sick, I can't get up and water them. Nothing I dislike more than to see a beautiful arrangement of flowers wilt. The nurses, aides and hospital people have their own work that should not include watering your flowers. I have always thought that those who send them, have never been really sick, otherwise they would know it is a burden to take care of them while trying to take care of yourself.

I don't want them at home either for the same reason. However, send them to me while I'm well and can enjoy them.

Some people are not huggers. However, I do believe you should talk to your daughter about how you feel. People can't read minds. Just inform her nicely, your her mom and advice should come naturally.

Doris

My daughter gets furious if
My daughter gets furious if I don't call her...lol. She was really mad when I had a heart attack and didn't call her until the next day. In my defense, everyone at the hospital kept insisting it was probably just esophageal spasm and I wasn't sure what was going on until the next morning when my enzymes jumped. Katherine's mantra is now, "If you are sick enough to call an ambulance, you have to notify your only child." She is funny.

Back to your question, I see what seems to be about 5-10% of folks who have a true aversion or phobia to hospitals. Frankly, I would rather them stay away. I have had fathers in the OR black out about 3 or 4 times over my career (many others have looked woozy but managed to stay seated). It is no fun and can be risky to the patient, because it can tap critical resources at a critical time. It really can be dangerous.

So, my advice (for what it is worth...lol), don't force anyone to visit in the hospital who is not up to the task (for whatever reason). Enlist someone else if you possibly can.

Have you ever asked her why she doesn't come to the hospital? Sometimes, a child (no matter the age) has a hard time dealing with our having cancer. Some are clueless that you need help and you may have to be specific in what you expect--hubbie used to be like this, but now he is a perfect angel. It took a lot of training though ;-).

disneyfan2008 said:

I totally agree I would
I totally agree I would never ask her to come along or visit. I had a very good friend come to the Dr (pre surgery) appt. My hubby and youngest came to the surgeries.

This question was more to see if unusual-I am not hurt..I KNOW THAT IS her and no changing it. OF course I love her no matter what-I just know not mushy gushy!

Denise

Daily vs faraway girls
Hey DS! Merry Christmas!

A few of the reasons (coming from the oldest and most distant (geographically) and emotionally (mom really does like one of our sisters THE BEST, she's her pet and Mom will tell you so (you'd think after 50 some years, I'd be over it, but it still stings...but it is what it is)

You say you watch your older one's kids 6 days a week. So there is some interaction. She probably figures she has the daily check in shift, and the younger one is for the big stuff (don't be surprised if you ask them about this and find out they have talked about it). Also, since your oldest sees you almost daily, she may not notice changes in you that your younger one would.

In my family, there are 3 boys and 4 girls (yeah girls!). The 2 girls that live closest to mom are her "primary" daughters. The 3rd one and myself are the "hospital" daughters...because the hospital is closer to us than Mom's house. If mom has to be in the hospital, it is understood that I will be there. I'm the one who helped her fill out her "five wishes" (basically end-of-life decisions). She said she wanted me to do it cos I have legal experience and have a cool head. OF COURSE I wasn't listed as anyone who could make any decisions, but I have Mom's permission to make sure her wishes are followed. I am the oldest girl, so I do have some "boss 'em around" standing. (Oh, the boys are great at being the drivers. They help out too) And mom cuts me a little slack, she gets how exhausted I am.

It is great that you don't feel offended. You might try asking oldest why this is so, in a very non-confrontational way. and LUCKY YOU, grandkids every day! I know, they're exausting, especially when you don't feel well. But, for me, some days, my grandkids are the only reason I hang around.

desertgirl947 said:

It is odd.
It is odd, but maybe there is a fear. I don't know, really. It's hard to see parents suffer.

People, family members react

People, family members react so differently after hearing someone in their family was diagnosed with cancer.  She may be having a hard time dealing with it Denise.  She may just be scared of losing you.  Have you sat down and talked to her about this?  I think that would be a good idea.  Let her know how you feel.

 

Hugs