Insensitive comments
Comments
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FamilyDoc_Hawk said:Only 100??
I tell people I plan on living to be 120 and get shot to death by a jealous husband while shouting "but, she told me she was single and over 18!"
That does sort of negate when I give my age as 188, though.
The saying, You can choose your friends and not your family" is so true in my life.
My friends and two neighbors and strength I've gained from all this cancer fight has been my
support.
My mom ended up calling during chemo asking how I was, the kids and cutting the conversation off many times at just this. She does not like my daughter and it is all so hurtful.
I stopped calling her and she called friends, cousins and asked my "X" if I was in hospice.
I just haven't felt the same towards her since that comment.
She and her sister don't "get it" or want to.
I have tried to be supportive of their health problems when they have happened but it doesn't get returned... :-( I do assume that they don't know how to handle some of the things I have gone thru either, but still ????
Thank you for letting me vent!
I am up for another fight now and hope my daughter is more suportive.
The ups and downs of cancer and life that keeps moving along is daunting........ugh
Hugs to you!
Barb0 -
We've Got To Stop Enabling The Bad Folks...barbebarb said:Family
The saying, You can choose your friends and not your family" is so true in my life.
My friends and two neighbors and strength I've gained from all this cancer fight has been my
support.
My mom ended up calling during chemo asking how I was, the kids and cutting the conversation off many times at just this. She does not like my daughter and it is all so hurtful.
I stopped calling her and she called friends, cousins and asked my "X" if I was in hospice.
I just haven't felt the same towards her since that comment.
She and her sister don't "get it" or want to.
I have tried to be supportive of their health problems when they have happened but it doesn't get returned... :-( I do assume that they don't know how to handle some of the things I have gone thru either, but still ????
Thank you for letting me vent!
I am up for another fight now and hope my daughter is more suportive.
The ups and downs of cancer and life that keeps moving along is daunting........ugh
Hugs to you!
Barb
Barb, I really get that...
Frankly, I'm just about fed up with all of the "Outs" we give people in our lives...we give them the easy excuse, "They just don't know how to handle things..."
Horse$hit!
They are over 21 and have some kind of a mass sitting between both ear drums...that makes them qualified...and if they are not qualified...then get qualified.
Or say good-bye...
I've found now that I have neither the Time nor the Patience to mess with people that are part of the problem - and not a part of the solution.
I vote with my feet and my car keys...I get mad...and then I get even...until I don't care anymore...and then I just let them go. Who needs those headaches with the limited amount of breath that a cancer patient carries with them.
And I sooooooooooooooooooo hate it when the try to "End Around You" and go behind your back to get the gossip information and cut you out of the equation...there is really nothing that galls me more and makes me see intense red, than that.
If you want to know me, talk to me...don't go behind my back to another person...I'll cut you off at the quick - real quick.
There is just no excuse, period...to make excuses for other folks bad behavior only ENABLES the perpetrator.
They skate...they skate from all of it...they hurt us...we say nothing...it goes unchecked...bitterness, anger and resentment take up residence in our hearts...and we end up on the losing end.....NOT the person who caused us the pain.
I call everybody out now...publically if I can...I shatter the myths and perceptions that they hide behind.
I've got all of my family on my sides shut out again...this time for good...I've had 8-years to confirm what a hypocrisy it has all been...and it makes me feel used and worthless...like I'm not a good enough person to have an open and honest relationship with.
That's one of the reasons I came to the board - and the biggest reason why I stay....Open and Honest communication between people!
I'm tired of lies...I'm tired of the subterfuge...I'm tired of the mis-direction...I'm tired of fakery.
Life is an Echo - we generally get back what we give...
And if others keep taking...stop giving...and stop sharing...that's what I did.
Guess what? My life is still a clusterF even without those additional burdens, masquerading as people that care about you, dragging me down and making me feel less about myself.
"Thanks for letting me vent too!"
~The Lion's Roar0 -
Craig, you've read my mind.Sundanceh said:We've Got To Stop Enabling The Bad Folks...
Barb, I really get that...
Frankly, I'm just about fed up with all of the "Outs" we give people in our lives...we give them the easy excuse, "They just don't know how to handle things..."
Horse$hit!
They are over 21 and have some kind of a mass sitting between both ear drums...that makes them qualified...and if they are not qualified...then get qualified.
Or say good-bye...
I've found now that I have neither the Time nor the Patience to mess with people that are part of the problem - and not a part of the solution.
I vote with my feet and my car keys...I get mad...and then I get even...until I don't care anymore...and then I just let them go. Who needs those headaches with the limited amount of breath that a cancer patient carries with them.
And I sooooooooooooooooooo hate it when the try to "End Around You" and go behind your back to get the gossip information and cut you out of the equation...there is really nothing that galls me more and makes me see intense red, than that.
If you want to know me, talk to me...don't go behind my back to another person...I'll cut you off at the quick - real quick.
There is just no excuse, period...to make excuses for other folks bad behavior only ENABLES the perpetrator.
They skate...they skate from all of it...they hurt us...we say nothing...it goes unchecked...bitterness, anger and resentment take up residence in our hearts...and we end up on the losing end.....NOT the person who caused us the pain.
I call everybody out now...publically if I can...I shatter the myths and perceptions that they hide behind.
I've got all of my family on my sides shut out again...this time for good...I've had 8-years to confirm what a hypocrisy it has all been...and it makes me feel used and worthless...like I'm not a good enough person to have an open and honest relationship with.
That's one of the reasons I came to the board - and the biggest reason why I stay....Open and Honest communication between people!
I'm tired of lies...I'm tired of the subterfuge...I'm tired of the mis-direction...I'm tired of fakery.
Life is an Echo - we generally get back what we give...
And if others keep taking...stop giving...and stop sharing...that's what I did.
Guess what? My life is still a clusterF even without those additional burdens, masquerading as people that care about you, dragging me down and making me feel less about myself.
"Thanks for letting me vent too!"
~The Lion's Roar
Craig, you've read my mind. I was going to say the exact same thing....word for word. No joke.
Right on about ENABLING folks!!!!!!!!!!
My poor SIL "can't deal" with pitching in with any light care-giving for even aging parents. In fact, I heard another person from the community say that about her, and I thought......geeez......she's pulled one over on EVERYONE.
I told the person....."well she just needs to suck it up, it's hard on EACH and everyone of us to see a loved one declining in health".
We don't retreat into our selfish little "me" world. We do the RIGHT thing. What does she think we are on this earth to do???????????
Just another vent on "family", too.0 -
One more ventjanie1 said:Craig, you've read my mind.
Craig, you've read my mind. I was going to say the exact same thing....word for word. No joke.
Right on about ENABLING folks!!!!!!!!!!
My poor SIL "can't deal" with pitching in with any light care-giving for even aging parents. In fact, I heard another person from the community say that about her, and I thought......geeez......she's pulled one over on EVERYONE.
I told the person....."well she just needs to suck it up, it's hard on EACH and everyone of us to see a loved one declining in health".
We don't retreat into our selfish little "me" world. We do the RIGHT thing. What does she think we are on this earth to do???????????
Just another vent on "family", too.
What is wrong with some of these idiot family members???
My mom came in for my second surgery and she and her sister complained about how they
didn't like hospitals, they were dirty....then my mom complained how she didn't like to walk kitty corner to the hotel at night...now that I think off it she didn't even come when a Dr. Was there. One day she just
kept reading the paper over and over until I yelled, "Cant you even speak to me?" I am not making this up.
Of course she cant deal with me having cancer nor be supportive of her only two grandkids.
Craig, I am with you about how we make excuses for cowards who can't even try to understand an illness or are clueless?
There's the reoccuring I'm busy, too.....I could go on and on.
I felt badly about refusing her empty phone calls but thru counseling I realized what I allowed her to do to this to me. ENABLING!!
Like any of us need this crap when dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of cancer.
Hear a roar from the a Chicago suburb!!!!
Thank you for letting me share this ugly part of my life :-( relatives!!!0 -
Hey Doc, My neighbor told me
Hey Doc, My neighbor told me that "I should be greatful that I get any time at all because any of us could get hit by a bus tomorrow." Yes but the chance of getting hit by a bus is slim and I definitely do have cancer. Of course, his odds of getting hit would go up greatly if we were both standing at the curb and a bus went by=) I haven't talked to him since.0 -
Just don't get it.
I think allot of people that have lived with health just don't get how hard it is. The fears, the stress and then the side effects. Some are just plain scared to say anything, and others say too much.
My worst was when I was first diagnosed, a chap from church, his first words were "Well, you know thats the second highest cancer to die of?" I was gobsmacked! I politely told him 'Yes, I was quite aware of that fact'. He's a lovely man, just some people don't know how to handle us.
Don't dwell on these people and their words. Look at all the support you are getting and the beauties around you. Leave the bad behind, work on getting well.
I LOVE your avatar.
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So sorry
When my husband was home about one day from his surgery before we even knew what stage he was yet his brother came over and told him about this friend that had colon cancer. He started to go on and on about how sick he was, and how hard it was then when I asked how he was he said oh he died. I couldn't believe it I wanted to choke him and my poor husband was so scared.
People are just stupid either sometimes or all of time, and I am sorry that they have upset you.
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TrubritTrubrit said:Just don't get it.
I think allot of people that have lived with health just don't get how hard it is. The fears, the stress and then the side effects. Some are just plain scared to say anything, and others say too much.
My worst was when I was first diagnosed, a chap from church, his first words were "Well, you know thats the second highest cancer to die of?" I was gobsmacked! I politely told him 'Yes, I was quite aware of that fact'. He's a lovely man, just some people don't know how to handle us.
Don't dwell on these people and their words. Look at all the support you are getting and the beauties around you. Leave the bad behind, work on getting well.
I LOVE your avatar.
As far as the "chap from church" goes, I would have enjoying asking him "Do you know what hurts really badly?" then I would have kicked him in his nuts!
just saying...0 -
Just rise above
There is no cure for dumb idiots. Just rise above it.
Do not put yourself in the company of those people anymore. Aviod as best you can.
I have eliminated some "people" from my life that were toxic before cancer and toxic after cancer.
You are a better, stronger person!
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