struggling to stay positive

larry5
larry5 Member Posts: 10
in Esophageal Cancer #1
I have been watching this site and reading all the posts for about 2 1/2 years now. I have only posted a few times, but feel I need to start doing it more, due to needing support from others that are going through the same thing,.
My husband was diagnosed 01/2010 with Stage III EC, we went through chemo, radiation, surgery, respitory failure, coma for 8 days, and have had 24 throat stretchings.
Finally after 2 years started to build back his muscles and weight, and has been feeling pretty good until..... 10/04/2012 the dreaded words " We think your cancer is back".

Apparently they found spots in both lungs during his April CAT scan, but wanted to watch them to see if they would grow, so the Oct. CAT scan showed that they have grown and that there are more. After a week of waiting we were told that the spots would be too hard to biopsy, 90% sure they are cancer, but not sure if it is EC metosis or lungs cancer, so we will need to wait for them to grow larger. I requested a PET scan just for a peace of mind that it is not anywhere else, and if it is then maybe we could get it biopsied to start treatment. The doctor said he is confident it is not anywhere else and him and the surgeon believe that waiting for the spots to grow is the only option.
We go in tomorrow to see if they have grown, but in the mean time we had a throat stretching on Wed. 11/21/2012 and they found an anamotisis stricture on the little esophagas that he has left, and did 4 biopsies. The gastroligist said not to worry, EC cancer rarely comes back in the esophagas.
I have tried hard to be positive and strong for him and our children, but am having a very hard time now. Our last of five children has left for college, this is time for him and I. He has worked so hard to support our family and be a good father and husband, he has given us all everything we have asked for and needed. It is just not fair!!!!! He is my best friend and even though I am suppose to not think this way, I can't help it. I am so afraid to go tomorrow to get news that it has spread and there isn't anything they can do.

Sorry to be so depressing,I just needed to vent and get things out.

Comments

  • Amjosmom
    Amjosmom Member Posts: 212
    #2
    Don't apologize...
    Everyone has their times of despair... it's hard to watch your best friend go through this, but no matter what the results are, don't give up hope! Do you have a Facebook account? Many of us gather there for support, too. It's helpful to vent. We're here to listen.
  • paul61
    paul61 Member Posts: 1,392 Member
    #3
    Waiting for the results can be the worst part
    I know that waiting for the results of testing can be a painful experience. Part of you wants to hope for the best, and part of you wants to prepare for the worst. I know that, from having heard the words "you have cancer"; that nothing can prepare you for that moment. I am sure that nothing can prepare any of us from hearing the words "your cancer is back". But, I feel that every moment we spend focused on the worst outcome, is a moment lost to cancer.

    I know going tomorrow will be difficult, but please focus on the fact that you will be together and your husband has the benefit of having someone he trusts and loves close to him. I know whenever I go for results, having my wife next to me really helps deal with the anxiety.

    I will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping the news will be positive.

    Best Regards,

    Paul Adams
    McCormick, South Carolina

    DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
    12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
    2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
    Three year survivor

    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
  • Macca_Loz
    Macca_Loz Member Posts: 21
    #4
    hang in there
    i agree it is hard to stay positive but hope is all we have sometimes. i feel for you and your family. my husband is having a rescan tomorrow also, he was diagnosed EC Stage IV with liver mets in 08/2012 and has undergone chemo and radio, rescan is to see if treatment is having any effect but like you too I am finding it hard to stay positive. I am in Australia and find this site very helpful to read other people's encouragement and sometimes it helps to boost my positivity. Best of luck to you and husband tomorrow. My prayers are with you both. Lorraine from Oz
  • larry5
    larry5 Member Posts: 10
    #5
    Macca_Loz said:

    hang in there
    i agree it is hard to stay positive but hope is all we have sometimes. i feel for you and your family. my husband is having a rescan tomorrow also, he was diagnosed EC Stage IV with liver mets in 08/2012 and has undergone chemo and radio, rescan is to see if treatment is having any effect but like you too I am finding it hard to stay positive. I am in Australia and find this site very helpful to read other people's encouragement and sometimes it helps to boost my positivity. Best of luck to you and husband tomorrow. My prayers are with you both. Lorraine from Oz

    Thank you
    Thank you Amjosmom, Paul, and Lorraine for your responses and encouragement.
    Lorraine- Hoping your scan brought good news.


    Results from yesterday:

    Good News-We found out yesterday that the stricture in the partial esophagas and the 4 biopsies came back benign. YAY!!!!!

    Bad News- CAT scan showed more spots in both lungs, still to small to biopsy, they want us to wait 2 months before doing another CAT scan to see if any of the spots have grown big enough to biopsy.
    I am looking into Fred Hutchison (?) cancer institute in Seattle Washington about a second opinion, if they agree I will know we are doing everything possible and have no choice to wait. Besides a overnight trip away from home might be just what my husband and I need :)
    Again thank you, and I will look up facebook. Is there a specific page for EC cancer or are they individuals.
  • paul61
    paul61 Member Posts: 1,392 Member
    #6
    larry5 said:

    Thank you
    Thank you Amjosmom, Paul, and Lorraine for your responses and encouragement.
    Lorraine- Hoping your scan brought good news.


    Results from yesterday:

    Good News-We found out yesterday that the stricture in the partial esophagas and the 4 biopsies came back benign. YAY!!!!!

    Bad News- CAT scan showed more spots in both lungs, still to small to biopsy, they want us to wait 2 months before doing another CAT scan to see if any of the spots have grown big enough to biopsy.
    I am looking into Fred Hutchison (?) cancer institute in Seattle Washington about a second opinion, if they agree I will know we are doing everything possible and have no choice to wait. Besides a overnight trip away from home might be just what my husband and I need :)
    Again thank you, and I will look up facebook. Is there a specific page for EC cancer or are they individuals.

    Glad to hear some of the news was good
    It is good to hear that some of the news was good, waiting on the spots in the lungs will be difficult I am sure. That is the second time I have heard doctors suggesting that a patient wait for further development of spots in the lungs. So I guess it is not uncommon.

    This is the address of our Facebook page:

    CSN Facebook Page

    Best Regards,

    Paul Adams
    McCormick, South Carolina

    DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
    12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
    2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
    Three year survivor

    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
  • Amjosmom
    Amjosmom Member Posts: 212
    #7
    paul61 said:

    Glad to hear some of the news was good
    It is good to hear that some of the news was good, waiting on the spots in the lungs will be difficult I am sure. That is the second time I have heard doctors suggesting that a patient wait for further development of spots in the lungs. So I guess it is not uncommon.

    This is the address of our Facebook page:

    CSN Facebook Page

    Best Regards,

    Paul Adams
    McCormick, South Carolina

    DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
    12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
    2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
    Three year survivor

    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
    That is the link to FB...
    But to join you'll have to friend someone already in the group. I will PM you.

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