Lisha

you are welcome on this site
Hi, Cathy.

Welcome to CSN. I am so very, very sorry that you have needed to come here though, because you lost your beautiful daughter and are trying to deal with the terrible sorrow and grief. But I think that this is a good site for you. I don't know about other sites....I post and read things exclusively here on CSN.. This site has been one of the most helpful and supportive things to me.

I lost my son David to an anaplastic oligodendroglioma--a brain tumor---on October 15th and I too am totally heartbroken. I don't know if I can help you very much because I'm definitely not "through" this yet, but I can relate and understand your pain and grief. There is a hole in my heart and my life that I don't think I can ever recover from. I am pretty sure that you feel the same way.

My closest girlfriend lost her thirteen year old son in a car accident almost 16 years ago. She tells me that in time, the pain won't be so sharp and all consuming. She says it takes a while. She told me that she feel okay, and then out of nowhere, she would start crying and crying. That's how I am right now. Any little thing can set me off....any little reminder of David...seeing a tall man in a red jacket, seeing a car like his, seeing his picture, getting mail in his name, seeing anything with the Lakers on it....all trigger what one of my friends here on CSN calls a "grief attack."

Would it help to tell us here on CSN about your daughter? Even though it hurts me, I want to say things about David. I want to talk about how special he was, what a gift from God he was to our family, how much and how deeply I loved him, how hard he fought, how brave and unselfish he was....how I would give anything to trade places with him. I don't want him to be forgotten. He was 25 when he was diagnosed and 29 when he died. I can't believe he was here, he lived his life, it's over, and he's gone. Just...gone. His life is done. Like a book has been snapped shut and put away on a shelf. Out of my life for the rest of my life. I'll never see him walk in my front door, never hear his deep voice, his laugh, feel his hug. It makes me feel physically weak, limp, so so so sick at heart.

I am glad that my son is no longer in pain and no longer suffering. I believe that he is in Heaven and that I will see him again one day and I will spend Eternity with him. I trust God and my faith is intact. But that isn't helping me right now with this life I have left here on Earth. I just don't know how I can pick up the shattered pieces of my life and go on. I am just trying to survive one day at a time, one hour at a time.

Please write and let me and the others on this site know how you are doing . There are a lot of good people here who know what you are going through, and I am sure that some of them will have better, more helpful comments for you.

Love and blessings and peace to you,
Cindy