How to say goodbye to your doctor...

KareGiver
KareGiver Member Posts: 301 Member
edited November 2012 in Head and Neck Cancer #1
Hi all,

Briefly, to catch up, my husband is being for treated for lung mets from his tonsil cancer - incurable. Been going to the same oncologist since initial diagnosis February 2011. Since day one, we have not been crazy about his personality. Now that things have gone "south" and we had a second opinion, we MUCH prefer the second doc's bedside manner and plan on going to him for this next phase of treatment. We feel we owe SOME explanation to the first doc - would like suggestions/opinions on how to go about this. Even though he is harsher, we are still appreciative of all he has done for us. Thank you for your thoughts.

Lynda

Comments

  • longtermsurvivor
    longtermsurvivor Member Posts: 1,842 Member
    #2
    you have more important fish to fry
    than to worry about the first doc's feelings. No need to say anything. If you choose to say something, drop him a note thanking him for the care and telling him you are transfering to doctor number 2. Don't make a big deal out of this. Most patients say nothing at all, and there certainly isn't a need to somehow make the first doc feel better about losing a patient.

    best to you.

    Pat
  • Skiffin16
    Skiffin16 Member Posts: 8,305 Member
    #3
    Definitely Agree
    With Matt and Pat....

    It's your health and you have to do what you feel you need to do.

    I'm sure that most MD's don't take it personal. it's part of the profession. If it were a long time family MD, and you had a good relationship, then you might be obligated to communicate on a more personal level.

    Thoughts & Prayers,
    John
  • meaganb
    meaganb Member Posts: 244 Member
    #4
    I have not switched
    I have not switched oncologists, but I did start seeing a different ENT. My original ENT had terrible bedside manner and although he was a skilled surgeon he was very rude to me on several occasions and I dreaded going to see him. I didn't say a thing to him. I had an appt scheduled so I called and cancelled that appointment and also sent a request for my records to be transferred. Like Pat said, you have bigger things to worry about. I certainly hope that this new treatment that y'all are persueing will help your husband. I am so sorry you're even having to do this!

    Meagan
  • ToBeGolden
    ToBeGolden Member Posts: 695
    #5
    What Will It Accomplish?
    If you could provide CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, it might be a good idea to tell Doc #1 why you are leaving. But I don't think anything you could possibly say would be accepted as "constructive". Since saying anything would probably be received as negative, it is better not saying anything. My opinion. Rick.
  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,724 Member
    #6
    matt's take
    Hi Lynda,

    I am sorry for your husband’s prognosis and hope beyond hope it wasn’t so.

    Out of all my (good) doctors, I definitely liked my rad onc the best. She is just more personable.

    If you find the need to explain, don’t feel bad, if he is harsh, he knows it and probably loses patients regularly due to his bed side manner. Do it like you said, tell him you appreciate his care, but are going else where. You are under no moral obligation to explain yourselves and under these conditions; he should not expect an explanation. After all, you are changing doctors and not burning bridges.

    Best,

    Matt
  • bjohn
    bjohn Member Posts: 20
    #7
    My husband also decided to
    My husband also decided to go for a second opionion after a reocuurance and liked what was offered at the new center. We did keep the ENT at the original hopsital and was surprised to learn that he had no idea we had continued care somewhere else. I guess they don't talk that much to each other unless you ask. I think doing the best for the patient is the most important and all doctors should respect that.
  • fisrpotpe
    fisrpotpe Member Posts: 1,349 Member
    #8
    Skiffin16 said:

    Definitely Agree
    With Matt and Pat....

    It's your health and you have to do what you feel you need to do.

    I'm sure that most MD's don't take it personal. it's part of the profession. If it were a long time family MD, and you had a good relationship, then you might be obligated to communicate on a more personal level.

    Thoughts & Prayers,
    John

    times three
    I too agree with Matt, Pat and John

    i may add, if you get the chance by happenstance just share your thoughts, don't soft shoe its. i know for me it's all about helping those that follow behind that need better from this doctor. may he listen and change his was as needed to help many others.

    john
  • fisrpotpe
    fisrpotpe Member Posts: 1,349 Member
    #9
    Skiffin16 said:

    Definitely Agree
    With Matt and Pat....

    It's your health and you have to do what you feel you need to do.

    I'm sure that most MD's don't take it personal. it's part of the profession. If it were a long time family MD, and you had a good relationship, then you might be obligated to communicate on a more personal level.

    Thoughts & Prayers,
    John

    times three
    I too agree with Matt, Pat and John

    i may add, if you get the chance by happenstance just share your thoughts, don't soft shoe its. i know for me it's all about helping those that follow behind that need better from this doctor. may he listen and change his was as needed to help many others.

    john
  • hwt
    hwt Member Posts: 2,328 Member
    #10
    bjohn said:

    My husband also decided to
    My husband also decided to go for a second opionion after a reocuurance and liked what was offered at the new center. We did keep the ENT at the original hopsital and was surprised to learn that he had no idea we had continued care somewhere else. I guess they don't talk that much to each other unless you ask. I think doing the best for the patient is the most important and all doctors should respect that.

    Switch
    If you feel the need to address the change, do so, but keep it short and sweet. If you send a brief thank you note there is no chance you will be caught at a weak moment and not make the change you desire. That could happen in a face to face situation. Other things to worry about more important.
  • blackswampboy
    blackswampboy Member Posts: 341
    #11
    50 ways
    damn it, now I've got an earworm--that old paul simon song. lol.

    You Just slip out the back, Jack
    Make a new plan, Stan
    You don't need to be coy, Roy

    good luck and best wishes!
  • dennis318
    dennis318 Member Posts: 349 Member
    #12
    blackswampboy said:

    50 ways
    damn it, now I've got an earworm--that old paul simon song. lol.

    You Just slip out the back, Jack
    Make a new plan, Stan
    You don't need to be coy, Roy

    good luck and best wishes!

    my goodbye was on check number?
    6 doctors, 2 i never saw....I kept the 2 i liked...and paid the others off, that was my good bye. Agree with swampboy..lol Best Wishes find who you are comfortable with...Dennis
  • KareGiver
    KareGiver Member Posts: 301 Member
    #13
    dennis318 said:

    my goodbye was on check number?
    6 doctors, 2 i never saw....I kept the 2 i liked...and paid the others off, that was my good bye. Agree with swampboy..lol Best Wishes find who you are comfortable with...Dennis

    Thanks everyone,
    By the way, BSB, love Paul Simon! :)
  • Greend
    Greend Member Posts: 678
    #14
    blackswampboy said:

    50 ways
    damn it, now I've got an earworm--that old paul simon song. lol.

    You Just slip out the back, Jack
    Make a new plan, Stan
    You don't need to be coy, Roy

    good luck and best wishes!

    Good laugh
    Thanks BSB

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