I don't know how to deal with this one!

Waiting to breathe
Waiting to breathe Member Posts: 7
in Multiple Myeloma #1
In December 2011, I received a phone from my husband and he informed me that he has myeloma or carcinoma or something like that. So, I got off phone and started to read a few things about it. Still not sure if that is what he really has. Then, I saw INCUREABLE and after his 5 heart attacks, diabetes and one of the toughest years with my own health issues. he has it.
I just knew 2012 was going to be a better year for us. BAM!!! I get that call. My husband still wants to think that is all a mistake, even though we have seen the test results ourselves.  we are find out what stage and few other things on the 5th. The Dr. said chemotherapy every 4 days for 4 months. My husband doesn't want to know or hear anything about it. 

Having him is more important then anything to me. I can't breathe just at the thought that this time I will lose him, I  just don't know when. How do I breathe? How do I stop crying? How do I exhale when the fear in me is so great that my body actually seems to stop working. 
My head is spinning and I can't keep up anymore. How does anyone cope with losing a spouse. Even the though of losing him is to much to handle. I can't even handle that.
I need him, I can't breathe without him. What now? Help someone, help me sort this out. I don't know who to turn to, so I beg all those who are or have been though this to help me, PLEASE! 

I probably said more then you wanted to hear. Sorry!

Comments

  • jerry chan
    jerry chan Member Posts: 5
    #2
    be stronger
    god help thoes who help themselves.The word is beautiful and we have not enough to enjoy the live please be stronger to fighting with it.
  • MrsC1950
    MrsC1950 Member Posts: 3
    #3
    I can so relate to this
    Hello Waiting to breathe, When I read your post this afternoon it seemed like it was my very own story. My husband was diagnosed in Aug 2010. I will never forget the way I felt when the Oncologyst confirmed our biggest nightmare. I think the shock lasted for weeks. I also went online immediately and all I could ever focus on was the "INCURABLE CANCER" head lines of ever article I read. It was and continues to be the most difficult experience of my life. Right now we are on our 4th type of treatment. The cell transplant was not succesful and Revlamid worked for only 6 months. The scary part for me right now is not having a good understanding of what the numbers really mean. Each weekly visit to the Oncologyst I ask questions and even though she answers each one, I still walk away feeling like I cannot fully understand what is happening. His plalets are low now and he is frequently getting transfusions. I wish I could stop worrying all the time, but thats all I ever do. Worrying robs me from quality time with him and our three sons. I sometimes feel like I'm not the strong wife he needs and deserves. He's only 47 years old. How can anyone prepare for losing their spouse? I feel the same as you. I am Waiting to Breathe. Help someone!!!
  • jjranchguy
    jjranchguy Member Posts: 9
    #4
    Hope, Courage, and Strength
    I was 50 years old when I was diagnosed with MGUS or smothering myeloma in October 2007. The doctor told me that the protein count was still low. He said it would have to reach a certain level before he could start any treatment. I was being check by him every 3 months. September of 2009 his office contacted me about having a PET scan. I had to delay the scan, because I contracted the swine flu from my students.
    November 2009 I had the PET scan and on December 3rd 2009 I went to see my Dr. He took more blood samples and told me my cancer had accelerated. He told me that the next week we would start chemo.
    They used Valcade, Revlimid, and Dexamethizone for my chemo, which did not make me sick or loose my hair. After 3 months of chemo, I met with a bone marrow transplant Dr. I then went through the steps to accelerate my stems cells. They took 3 days to harvest enough cell to be able to do 2 transplants. then I received a chemo that shut my bone marrow down. This chemo was tough. I got sick ounce and the nurse asked if I was taking my anti-nausea meds. I told her I never got any. after that day I never got sick.
    A day later I was given my stems cells back. I had 1 transfusion of platelets.
    It took about 12 days for me to be well enough that the Dr. said I did not have to come back until my 100 day after transplant, unless there was a problem.
    I went to my hematologist and he put me on a maintenance of 10 mg Revlimid. I am now in remission.
    All you can do is be strong. There are many good doctors out there.
    Hope this info will help you.
    Jerry
  • MrsC1950
    MrsC1950 Member Posts: 3
    #5
    jjranchguy said:

    Hope, Courage, and Strength
    I was 50 years old when I was diagnosed with MGUS or smothering myeloma in October 2007. The doctor told me that the protein count was still low. He said it would have to reach a certain level before he could start any treatment. I was being check by him every 3 months. September of 2009 his office contacted me about having a PET scan. I had to delay the scan, because I contracted the swine flu from my students.
    November 2009 I had the PET scan and on December 3rd 2009 I went to see my Dr. He took more blood samples and told me my cancer had accelerated. He told me that the next week we would start chemo.
    They used Valcade, Revlimid, and Dexamethizone for my chemo, which did not make me sick or loose my hair. After 3 months of chemo, I met with a bone marrow transplant Dr. I then went through the steps to accelerate my stems cells. They took 3 days to harvest enough cell to be able to do 2 transplants. then I received a chemo that shut my bone marrow down. This chemo was tough. I got sick ounce and the nurse asked if I was taking my anti-nausea meds. I told her I never got any. after that day I never got sick.
    A day later I was given my stems cells back. I had 1 transfusion of platelets.
    It took about 12 days for me to be well enough that the Dr. said I did not have to come back until my 100 day after transplant, unless there was a problem.
    I went to my hematologist and he put me on a maintenance of 10 mg Revlimid. I am now in remission.
    All you can do is be strong. There are many good doctors out there.
    Hope this info will help you.
    Jerry

    HI
    Jerry, thank you very much for sharing your story. Everything you have done, we have done as well. Only difference is that the revlamid regimen was very short lived because after 6 months the cancer returned stronger than before. The toughest part now is that in that short time my husband had kidney failure and now is on dyalisis 3 x a week. He has done 2 other chemos, both only good for a few months. Now on Doxil once a month but his plalets drop to 10,000 and the hemoglobins as low as 5.5 as well. I guess we can say that blood and plalet transfussions is not so bad a thing if he's still alive. However, I am the one who is constantly worried. Each moment of the day, its all I think about. I work as a social worker and I know the importance of having resources and support. This helps. I'm glad to know you are doing well. Thank you for sharing. God bless,

    Claudia

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