Beyond words, disappointed, and "I dont understand?"

mamolady said:

Kari,
I get your confusion.
Kari,
I get your confusion. I am not sure the intent or what she is asking. I think you have the right idea to not respond. Sometimes you just have to "delete" and don't think about it anymore. I can't imagine it was meant to be hurtful, so don't let it be.
I think you need to only read the good stuff! At least for this evening. Hopefully the messy gets a little better this week.

Take care,
Cindy

Sorry that you have been hurt
I am sure she will apologize.
Please know that you always can count on our unconditional support and love.
Hugs

New Flower said:

Sorry that you have been hurt
I am sure she will apologize.
Please know that you always can count on our unconditional support and love.
Hugs

perhaps she doesnt know your
perhaps she doesnt know your story. echo what Olga has said.

camul said:

Apparently,
she does not know you and all you have been through. I would do whatever it takes to let this one go as it does not deserve a response, nor is it worth your energy. When I was told 3 months ago no more chemo, I was asked if this meant I was giving up the fight. Sometimes when your body does not respond to any treatment, there is no fight to give up.

This is when it becomes quality over quantity, and quantity isn't even an option when your tumors are unresponsive to the available treatments.

Kari, whatever you decide at any point, we are behind you.

Hugs and prayers,
Carol

Just my opinion!!
I think she read a post with every one saying they're sorry for what your going thru and went from there i myself really don't think she meant anything bad i can't find the post right off but i read one but i didn't chime in because i didn't know your story,but from what i read you where a fighter and not rolling over to this. I hope she can clear this up sometimes if we don't know we should just pray for that person and not say anything.Like camul said we are behind you and we love you dearly.~~MollyZ~~

pinkkari09 said:

Thank you.
Perhaps no harm was meant and it very well could be me. I've had to make some very hard choices lately, Ive been stressed,, and I'm super upset with how things turned out for me, meaning in the back of my mind i wonder if another clinic wouldn't have saved me, like mayo, whole other story. I'll do my best to let this one go and I appreciate all of your opinions, always.
Miles of Love
~Kari

My own initial response?
Anger. Pure and simple anger. Which is very uncharacteristic of my nature.

Am in agreement with everything posted here (so far). And believe the best thing for you, dear Kari, is to delete the PM and ignore it, without a direct response. As you intend to do. Providing the author with the 'benefit of doubt' allows for forgiveness. Already freely given by many who've posted, which is admirable. Maybe she doesn't know your entire story, hasn't been here with you over these past several years. Still...

Allowing for the writer's possible lack of knowledge... From my own personal perspective, does not excuse her. Six of one, half dozen of the other. Doesn't really matter if she's completely aware of your current situation and all that's led up to it, or not. Either way - her message seems extremely judgmental, critical and horribly mean-spirited. And so cowardly to send via Personal Message, privately, vs. open thread for all to see.

I cannot imagine how anyone (clarifying: any basically decent person), under any circumstances, could direct those words to someone in your position.

Again, shame on her.

I truly hope this doesn't scare you away from the site, Kari. Especially now, when you need us more than ever before. She (I cannot even bring myself to type her 'name') is only one bad apple in the whole bunch. You hold in your hand the hearts of so many of us here - including mine. Always will.

A long time ago, when I was a new member - was warned by another: just because someone's a fellow breast cancer survivor doesn't automatically mean she's a nice person. She was absolutely correct. Those words are now ringing in my ears, yet again.

You are not a quitter. You never have been, and certainly are not now. You've accepted your reality with an enormous amount of courage, grace and dignity.

Sending many miles of love backatcha,

Susan

eihtak said:

Confusion...
That one word probably sums up soooo many aspects of this journey! As great as things like internet, texting, ect. are I always tell my kids to be careful not to mis-understand things when you don't have the "human touch" ( you know, like an old fashioned phone call or face to face conversation) My bet is she feels horrible right now for making you feel so. Best advice... put that comment in a bubble and blow it away! Concentrate on whatever it is that will make you smile today. As always, all in my prayers.

Wildly inappropriate
I also don't understand.What on earth was this person trying to convey? Perhaps I'm dim witted but I can't possibly see how anyone could read a comment like that and find it to be innocuous. I agree with Susan sometimes we expect everyone to be nice but unfortunately it isn't always the case. Love Surf

1surfermom said:

Wildly inappropriate
I also don't understand.What on earth was this person trying to convey? Perhaps I'm dim witted but I can't possibly see how anyone could read a comment like that and find it to be innocuous. I agree with Susan sometimes we expect everyone to be nice but unfortunately it isn't always the case. Love Surf

Totally agree with Christmas Girl
I tkink she hit the nail on the head. I looked up Heart-In-Hand and she joined on 9-28-12. She has not posted any of her story....

I think her PM was cruel and heartless and as was said by Christmas Girl, not everyone here is a nice person. If there is one place we can fall softly with our pink sisters closing ranks it is on this board. Please Kari, don't let one foolish and thoughtless comment keep you from your friends here who love you. We all need each other. Although I am shocked at comment, especially the cowardice of it being a PM so no could comment, I guess the world is made up of all kinds. Koodos (spelling?) to you for publishing it. Please try to put her out of your mind and enjoy your new keyboard!

We all run the "could have, should have" thru our minds, please don't. You have worked so hard these past 3 years, no one could have fought harder, your medical team always sounded right on.

We all love you and are with you 100% of the way.

"Miles and Miles" of Hugs,
Judy :-)

Sweet Kari -- I am not going
Sweet Kari -- I am not going to assume the intentions of the person who wrote that, but I do see an angry tone. Regardless, it should have never been said. Or perhaps, her emotions should have shown differently. But I always say, you can't control other people's actions or what they think...and how they say things. I would do what your heart tells you to do. If you feel you need to ask why, then do so. If it is not that important, I would let it go. I personally think only WE know what needs to be let go and what needs a discussion. And some things may seem so small to others, but sometimes they hurt. I don't believe (refuse to believe), her intentions were to hurt you. I wouldn't stress too much however, because you're loved and cared for on this forum. Please believe that.

Puzzled
I'm puzzled by that one. I think you are a very courageous lady. I think you are doing what is right for you. I wouldn't pay it any mind myself or I'd make some **** remark back. This is me tho. You are in my prayers and I hope I have your courage.

pinkkari09 said:

Thank you.
Perhaps no harm was meant and it very well could be me. I've had to make some very hard choices lately, Ive been stressed,, and I'm super upset with how things turned out for me, meaning in the back of my mind i wonder if another clinic wouldn't have saved me, like mayo, whole other story. I'll do my best to let this one go and I appreciate all of your opinions, always.
Miles of Love
~Kari

Your Decision Was The Right One!
Kari:

I don't know you but I have been reading your posts since I've logged on. You join the ranks of all the brave fighters that I have known in life and online. You have faced the many trials that so many other women and men who are dealing with stage IV now, and in the past, do and have had to endure. You made a very difficult decision that many have to make when they reach the part of the journey when the treatments become more lethal than the disease.

In the book title "Her2" by Robert Bazell there was a piece I copied.

...With it’s return the disease assumes a new status, becoming what doctors euphemistically term “treatable but not curable”. The battle may drag on for years, but the cancer always wins.... Page 19 Chapter 2...

It was written a few years ago. I haven't read anything that has changed the facts of that statement. There is hope down the line, dealing with the tumors DNA sequencing and finding the mutation that fuels the growth and the right drug. It is not for you, me or the many who are dealing with stage IV now. It will be for those who come after us. You made your decision and it was the right one for you.

I am an agnostic but always found comfort in the lines from Ecclesiastes: To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven....

I believe the lady is a newbie who sent the email and is not familiar with the many aspects of breast cancer. It is a difficulty disease to understand and being a toss in a world so very unfamiliar with endless information. After 19th years with this horrible disease, I still learn new information. The written word doesn't often convey what is really meant. We could all read the same sentence and come up with different meanings, depending on are own experiences and mood.

Wishing that the coming days, and weeks you will find some joy.

Best to you,

Doris