i stayed away

sadamy Member Posts: 4
My mom was sick and i stayed away. My mother allowed my brother/abuser/crackead into her house and as a mom of two little ones i stayed away. Mom thought she had the flu but it wouldn't go away. I started a fight with my brother so he left and I found my mom confused, skinny, limping and hardly able to hold a conversation. I called her doc. On the first day of school she was admitted with tumors in her brain and lung. That was a tues, they scheduled surgery for the brain tumor for that fri. The night before her surgery my brother called my mom at the hospital to say he was back. I had to call the police and i had my brother removed from her house.
Mom has made a remarkable recovery and i have my mom back. I have my mom back but she has stage 4 lung cancer. So now i get to see her recover and get sick all at the same time.
I know i am blessed-it could be worse. I want to stay grateful but i just want time to stop, i want to put my mom in my pocket and keep her safe and hide her from cancer. I wont leave her side...my brother took advantage of her, i guess i'll have to deal with him and that situation too-one day. Oh and no my brother has not contacted my mother again-not post surgery or even on her 60th birthday. It's all me, she is not married and isn't that close to her siblings. I resent them, i'm starting to feel angry and sad alot. I feel like i want to be with mom all the time and when i'm not i feel guilty.
My husband and kids need me too- i feel like i'm on a rollar coaster and a tightrope all at the same time.


  • Noellesmom
    Noellesmom Member Posts: 1,859 Member
    we call it the roller coaster from hell, amy
    I am sorry for all your mom and you and your family are going through. Your mom is blessed to have you in her life.

    Your brother - issues to deal with later on in a different time and place. Not your burden to bear right now, if ever. Your choice on that one.

    Cancer is a thief and it takes our loved ones in many insidious ways, even if we they don't die from it.

    Spend time with your mom, incorporate her in your young family's life and enjoy each other, amy. Your husband and children will see a good example by your actions. That is part of being a wife and mother, too, even though we don't think about it when we marry.

    Remember to breathe and take care of yourself, too. Go exercise, take some long walks, live your life as normally as possibly realizing there is a "new normal" here.

    Find out when hospice will be an option and remember they are not just about end of life care - they are about maintaining quality of life, also.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    Best You Can
    Each of us can only do the best we can at the time. We all look back and see things we would change, but we can't. Your present is hard enough right now. It is difficult to watch a loved one fight cancer. There are so many things we can't control. We want to fix them, but we can't do that either. Don't try to do this alone, though. Check with the hospital social worker, your local American Cancer Society, your mom's doctors, and your Area Agency on Aging. See what help might be out there so you are comfortable leaving your mother's side now and then. You are right. You do need to be there for your husband and family, too. You also need to be there for you. One thing I often remind caregivers, you can't take care of others, if you don't care for yourself. This particular roller coaster is not at all fun. My husband fought colon cancer for six years, and passed away three years ago today. Try to cherish today and let yesterday and tomorrow take care of themselves. One thing cancer teaches us is that we never know how much time any of us has. Hang in there and come here whenever you need support. Fay
  • nempark
    nempark Member Posts: 681
    I couldn't agree more with Noellsmom and Grandma
    You are a wonderful daughter. Be careful with your brother and your mom at this time, because moms of crackheads are just at their crackhead's beck and call. You are doing the right thing for mom, but please, you do have your family who needs you. Do your best and take care of yourself. Feeling guilty is the beast that just shows its ugly face and messes with our heads. You are doing the right thing, just try to keep a good balance. Hugs to you and mom.