The hardest hours... update..... Thanks

Lorikat
Lorikat Member Posts: 681 Member
edited October 2012 in Anal Cancer #1
I am not sure I will actually post this but find the need to put feelings into words......

I am sitting in my Mothers hospice room watching her as she works to turn the corner into her new life, her new neighborhood. She has not eaten nor taken in fluids for nearly a week. She is basically non responsive. Her breathing is excellerated, her body temperature high. My God, I hope she is at peace.....

I ache to wrap her in love and take her home... To make everything better.... To make her well again.

I want us to fuss with each other, roll our eyes behind each other's back. I want to go spend time with her and not say that "I need to rest Mom", I'll come later.. Because there is no later. .. There will never be a "later".


I want her back......


My Mom passed away today. ..... I already miss her so very much. Lorikat


Thank you all for the kind thoughts and words. I know this was off subject but I appreciate so much a place to talk.....

Comments

  • z
    z Member Posts: 1,414 Member
    #2
    Lorikat
    I'm so sorry. I hope your mom is at peace. We stayed with my grandma for her last hours and waited for her to go and we were all there, and there is no other place I wanted to be. My grandma comes to me in dreams and I miss her, and remember what a strong wonderful woman she was with all the memories. There were some eye rolls there too. Lori
  • sephie
    sephie Member Posts: 650 Member
    #3
    bless you and your mom
    i am sorry that you are going through this .... please love yourself... your mom loves you and loves knowing that you are there with her. sephie
  • Dog Girl
    Dog Girl Member Posts: 100
    #4
    Hardest Hours
    Lorikat,

    My heart goes out to you. I lost my Mother earlier this year and I still catch myself starting to call her. However I still have conversations with her all the time and to tell the truth, if I want to ask her a question or her opinion, I already know what she would say. My Mom was under home hospice care and they are wonderful. While I don't know the specifics of your Mom's case, I think I can confidently say that she is not suffering.
    And this was a huge relevation to me; I knew that I wouldn't stop loving my Mom when she passed, but I was surprised that I still felt the love from her. I hope you do the same and I will keep you in my prayers.
  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member
    #5
    Peace
    You are in my thoughts and I pray that both your mother and yourself are able to have peace. It is such a difficult thing to see our mothers move on. My mom died seven years ago, and although daily life happens and I move forward, she is always on my mind. I see her eyes, I hear her laugh, I feel her soft arms, and her creative personality shines in all the people she has touched. Sometimes out of the blue a stranger will make a comment or have an expression on their face that was all my mom, and I know she is here. She had this thing for dragonflys and I often see them in the most unusual places, again, she is here. All my daughters have dragonfly tatoos! I will pray that you will come to that place where her memory brings a smile to your heart and gives you strength.
  • Marynb
    Marynb Member Posts: 1,118
    #6
    Sorry
    I am sorry for your loss. You were blessed to be able to be there with her as she passed.

    Mary
  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #7
    Lorikat
    I am so very sorry to hear of your mom's passing. I will keep you in my prayers and ask that you be comforted by the loving memories you have. May God bless.
  • AZANNIE
    AZANNIE Member Posts: 445 Member
    #8
    Lorikat
    My condolences to you...


    Ann
  • sandysp
    sandysp Member Posts: 868 Member
    #9
    So much in common
    Our lives are running parallel. I lost my mom in August. We had our treatments within weeks of each other. Unbelievable.

    I agree with the other posts here that I feel the love of my mother and feel my love for her just as strongly if not more than before. I am glad I accepted her and she accepted me after many years of struggling, each of us annoyed with each other a lot of the time.

    I got a puppy and think of her every time I look at her. I call her "little girl" all the time. My mother used to call me "little girl" right on up until she died.

    God bless you. It's really hard.

    Love,
    Sandy
  • Gulamin
    Gulamin Member Posts: 134
    #10
    Sorry for your loss
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am happy you were able to spent the last weeks, days, hours together. Being in the moment.
  • lizdeli
    lizdeli Member Posts: 569 Member
    #11
    Gulamin said:

    Sorry for your loss
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am happy you were able to spent the last weeks, days, hours together. Being in the moment.

    Lori and Sandy
    I have been absent from the board for awhile, had foot surgery and gum surgery - folish choice to do them both within in one week. I am sorry for your loss. May both your mother's memories be eternal and may God grant you strength and healing. I lost my Mom six years ago and it was the most painful time in my life. Time does help us cope, but we never stop missing them.
    Hugs to you both,
    Liz
  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #12
    lizdeli said:

    Lori and Sandy
    I have been absent from the board for awhile, had foot surgery and gum surgery - folish choice to do them both within in one week. I am sorry for your loss. May both your mother's memories be eternal and may God grant you strength and healing. I lost my Mom six years ago and it was the most painful time in my life. Time does help us cope, but we never stop missing them.
    Hugs to you both,
    Liz

    Liz
    I don't want to hi-jack this thread, but just wanted to say I hope you are doing well after your surgeries. I've had both--bunion surgery in 2005 and gum surgery last December. Neither are fun. Hang in there, healing is around the corner!
  • RoseC
    RoseC Member Posts: 559
    #13
    So sorry Lorikat
    I'm so sorry Lorikat. My mom is having issues, not life-threatening at this point, but I so much dread the thought of losing her. My condolences to you. I'm sure she IS watching from elsewhere.

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