I Miss My Friends
Comments
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Glad I saw this topichope4thebest said:new contacts
I can relate so much to all of these posts! As I get back up from this illness, I am realizing that I need different people in life life than I had before. Those prior relationships no longer satisfy, I have grown. So, as we move forward, cut ourselves some slack, for I think that we are also actively cutting the ties, as much as our long lost friends/family have. (Altho they are still there if we want to pick up the phone, I think we have learned to harness our energy for other really great things that are more beneficial to us now).
Yes, I too have learned to say no, they still ask, and ask. Thank you for your posts, and I want to remind us to appreciate those new people that have come, or will come into our lives.
My bilateral/Diep flap reconstruction was in May 12. In July someone from my gym thought a few of us should do lunch. I was excited because of being home for what felt like forever. It was the most uncomfortable hour I'd spent in a long time. No one asked anything directly, but the stares were awkward. I knew they expected to see me rolling in at 70 pounds w/hollow looking eyes or whatever! They spoke all around me about changes in the classes. No direct conversation toward me and no eye contact. They gave me quick air kiss goodbyes. (Let's not touch her, or we'll get cancer.) The only contact I had from most people I thought I knew well was a text here and there. I do know that people are busy, but very few followed through on even a phone call. I had lunch recently w/another bc patient, and she has experienced the same things. I've known so many women before me w/bc and haven't treated them differently. People are living longer and longer after diagnosis. One of my callers was a woman asking if I had decided on chemo or accepting death!! This was before I even had surgery, and it ultimately turned out no chemo. Another called to say she was praying for me to have an easy passing. They are both oldtimers, who relate cancer to dying and have no clue about treatment or much else. I've had very little contact with anyone through this process. Linda0 -
OK, this week's CrazyTown report:Attygirl said:HAH!
Sorry it took so long for me to see this, bluwillo! You are a hoot!
I am an attorney in New York City. I work with a judge and we handle criminal felony trials and run a drug court. I do legal research and write opinions/decisions for her and the like. I have been home all summer doing rads and recovering, so I look forward to getting back to the grind on Wednesday, after 3 months off.
I know what you mean about people only reaching out when they need advice/something. I get A LOT of that. But I am not entertaining any of it anymore. I am giving myself permission to say "sorry...wish I could help but my hands are full with juggling my life, my work and my diagnosis."
Let's keep in touch and compare notes, friend!
We had a guy on parole who's a drug dealer. He went to another guy to do what most drug dealers do...sell some drugs. Only problem was, his buyer thought the price a tad too high (hey, this economy is rough on all forms of business!) so, the buyer shoots the dealer in the chest-through and through. The dealer must have some awesome juju, cos the shot just went thru and hit no major organs or blood vessels. He just needed stitches, and he was out (actually, I think I saw him on my "guest list". It's the list the jail sends me everyday to tell me who we're currently hosting). This is a good enough story, right? Welll....
The dealer, after getting shot in the chest (or as I call it, "center of mass"...where I aim for) pulls out HIS gun (note to self: when doing a drug deal, always bring my own gun) and shoots buyer in the abdomen (chest wounds must be hell on one's aim). Buyer ends up in hospital in serious condition.
The problem? Boss and I discussed what the better charges are: violating parole (both of them), or possesion/selling marijauna, bath salts,whatever. I'm all about putting the bad guys away for as long as possible-saves me paperwork, especially if they go into the prison system-makes writting them much easier. Boss of course is just letting me ask questions so he can show off his awesome knowledge of the law. Me, I'm just figuring out what's the meanest thing we can do to these guys, short of putting them on an island and letting them finish the job.
Oh, and the other question I'm mulling this weekend (I always mull the weird cases over the weekend...and watch the news to see what kind of new file I'll have to open on MOnday) is either a double homicide/suicide or a triple homicide, arson to top it off. We finally got the autopsy reports and I read them. WORST THING YOU CAN READ ON AN AUTOPSY REPORT: "Cause of death indeterminate". so I got one homicide, and 2 indeterminate. Thank goodness we have this great thing called a sheriff's dept who does the investigation!!! Boss didn't read the autopsies, but I did. He asked me why (not in a bad way) and I just told him I wanted to see what jumps out at me. I do have some medical knowledge, so I told him a few things we could rule out. He was impressed. Sadly, I think this one will leave a lot of unanswered questions.
so, you do drug court? How does that work? You guys test the drugs and decide which ones are the worst, LOL? We have recovery court. It's for drugs and drinks. I'm not sure how effective it is...I see a lot of reports where the defendant just says, after a month or so of recovery court "forget it! I'd rather do the 90 days in jail than this stuff!" Makes me wonder what goes on in there. Our assistant prosecutor goes to that court, I tell her to lay off the wine and maybe she won't have to go....:)
Are you tired of being tired? I'm still tired, after 2 years but that might be because I took this job 1 month after finishing rads. Take it easy when you go back, take naps on your lunch hour (1/2 the little town I work in know I nap in my car cos I'm exhausted, the other half just think I'm drunk and might need recovery court!)
I envy you working for a judge. That's awesome! You must have some really big cases. And you get to follow them all the way through? that's great. I very rarely get to go to court, except for my child support cases (I'm that awful child support lady in our county) or when a certain bad guy is in da house...he's the reason I carry, so I've invested a lot of time and training and money because of him....oh, and the best part???? He has decided to go pro per....it's a hoot to watch him in court!
Are you laughing yet? And no, I still haven't gotten the contact info on the parrot...but his owner is in our jail. I wonder who is feeding the parrot?!
Stay rested!0 -
One more thing..bluwillo said:OK, this week's CrazyTown report:
We had a guy on parole who's a drug dealer. He went to another guy to do what most drug dealers do...sell some drugs. Only problem was, his buyer thought the price a tad too high (hey, this economy is rough on all forms of business!) so, the buyer shoots the dealer in the chest-through and through. The dealer must have some awesome juju, cos the shot just went thru and hit no major organs or blood vessels. He just needed stitches, and he was out (actually, I think I saw him on my "guest list". It's the list the jail sends me everyday to tell me who we're currently hosting). This is a good enough story, right? Welll....
The dealer, after getting shot in the chest (or as I call it, "center of mass"...where I aim for) pulls out HIS gun (note to self: when doing a drug deal, always bring my own gun) and shoots buyer in the abdomen (chest wounds must be hell on one's aim). Buyer ends up in hospital in serious condition.
The problem? Boss and I discussed what the better charges are: violating parole (both of them), or possesion/selling marijauna, bath salts,whatever. I'm all about putting the bad guys away for as long as possible-saves me paperwork, especially if they go into the prison system-makes writting them much easier. Boss of course is just letting me ask questions so he can show off his awesome knowledge of the law. Me, I'm just figuring out what's the meanest thing we can do to these guys, short of putting them on an island and letting them finish the job.
Oh, and the other question I'm mulling this weekend (I always mull the weird cases over the weekend...and watch the news to see what kind of new file I'll have to open on MOnday) is either a double homicide/suicide or a triple homicide, arson to top it off. We finally got the autopsy reports and I read them. WORST THING YOU CAN READ ON AN AUTOPSY REPORT: "Cause of death indeterminate". so I got one homicide, and 2 indeterminate. Thank goodness we have this great thing called a sheriff's dept who does the investigation!!! Boss didn't read the autopsies, but I did. He asked me why (not in a bad way) and I just told him I wanted to see what jumps out at me. I do have some medical knowledge, so I told him a few things we could rule out. He was impressed. Sadly, I think this one will leave a lot of unanswered questions.
so, you do drug court? How does that work? You guys test the drugs and decide which ones are the worst, LOL? We have recovery court. It's for drugs and drinks. I'm not sure how effective it is...I see a lot of reports where the defendant just says, after a month or so of recovery court "forget it! I'd rather do the 90 days in jail than this stuff!" Makes me wonder what goes on in there. Our assistant prosecutor goes to that court, I tell her to lay off the wine and maybe she won't have to go....:)
Are you tired of being tired? I'm still tired, after 2 years but that might be because I took this job 1 month after finishing rads. Take it easy when you go back, take naps on your lunch hour (1/2 the little town I work in know I nap in my car cos I'm exhausted, the other half just think I'm drunk and might need recovery court!)
I envy you working for a judge. That's awesome! You must have some really big cases. And you get to follow them all the way through? that's great. I very rarely get to go to court, except for my child support cases (I'm that awful child support lady in our county) or when a certain bad guy is in da house...he's the reason I carry, so I've invested a lot of time and training and money because of him....oh, and the best part???? He has decided to go pro per....it's a hoot to watch him in court!
Are you laughing yet? And no, I still haven't gotten the contact info on the parrot...but his owner is in our jail. I wonder who is feeding the parrot?!
Stay rested!
I have 3 sisters, and we all used to be very close. In the last 8 months, I've talked to 2 of them twice. The third one calls me most every week, and we talk. We ask each other questions, and are really interested in the answers. We are involved with each other's lives. The other 2 sisters, when we do talk to them, usually they just talk about themselves and their lives. No questions for us, no "hey, how ya doing? How's life?" from them. It's all about them.
This morning the good sister called. We talked (just barely missed being catty...we're so proud of ourselves) and I said "Hey, remember Betty? That one that used to be our sister? And what about Tracey, remember her, she was our littlest sister? Wonder whatever happened to them?" OMG< we laughed so hard!!! It was like we were looking at the family photo, and their heads were crossed out (not in a mean way, really). We find laughter helps us deal with quite a lot.
The sad part is that Tracey does the same thing to her daughter, and now her daughter doesn't even want to call her mom, cos daughter is tired of mom not expressing any interest in daughter's life. I mean, daughter moved to a town 30 miles away, and mom didn't get it till 6 months later!!!
Moral of the story: We all move on, some faster than others, and some on different roads. People whose roads are fabulous just want to talk about how fabulous it is, people who take the two-track with lots of pot holes and bumps just shut up and keep driving, knowing at the end of the trip, it will have been worth it. I have 4-wheel drive...so I'm good. And my good sister loves to go two-tracking with me...I'm the designated driver!0 -
Oh, Linda!lintx said:Glad I saw this topic
My bilateral/Diep flap reconstruction was in May 12. In July someone from my gym thought a few of us should do lunch. I was excited because of being home for what felt like forever. It was the most uncomfortable hour I'd spent in a long time. No one asked anything directly, but the stares were awkward. I knew they expected to see me rolling in at 70 pounds w/hollow looking eyes or whatever! They spoke all around me about changes in the classes. No direct conversation toward me and no eye contact. They gave me quick air kiss goodbyes. (Let's not touch her, or we'll get cancer.) The only contact I had from most people I thought I knew well was a text here and there. I do know that people are busy, but very few followed through on even a phone call. I had lunch recently w/another bc patient, and she has experienced the same things. I've known so many women before me w/bc and haven't treated them differently. People are living longer and longer after diagnosis. One of my callers was a woman asking if I had decided on chemo or accepting death!! This was before I even had surgery, and it ultimately turned out no chemo. Another called to say she was praying for me to have an easy passing. They are both oldtimers, who relate cancer to dying and have no clue about treatment or much else. I've had very little contact with anyone through this process. Linda
My heart is so heavy right now, reading your comment. What a horrible experience that lumch must have been. And the fatal things peole have said to you...I am just appalled! I do think a lot of people hear "death sentence" when they hear that someone is diagnosed with cancer, not realizing that people are living longer and stronger with all of the advances in treatment. I am so sorry you have had to go through this. It pains me that you say you've had very little contact with others during this process. No one should have to do this alone. Yet, here I am, late on a Saturday night, feeling like the only people who will understand how lonely I feel right now are the loving and caring and giving people on this network. God bless ya'll.0 -
You really struck a thought Hope4thebesthope4thebest said:new contacts
I can relate so much to all of these posts! As I get back up from this illness, I am realizing that I need different people in life life than I had before. Those prior relationships no longer satisfy, I have grown. So, as we move forward, cut ourselves some slack, for I think that we are also actively cutting the ties, as much as our long lost friends/family have. (Altho they are still there if we want to pick up the phone, I think we have learned to harness our energy for other really great things that are more beneficial to us now).
Yes, I too have learned to say no, they still ask, and ask. Thank you for your posts, and I want to remind us to appreciate those new people that have come, or will come into our lives.
when you mention needing different people now. I feel like I am a different person in so many ways, so this would follow. I'm ready to move on and allow for new relationships at this point in my life. Thank you for making this point!0 -
Not only am I laughingbluwillo said:OK, this week's CrazyTown report:
We had a guy on parole who's a drug dealer. He went to another guy to do what most drug dealers do...sell some drugs. Only problem was, his buyer thought the price a tad too high (hey, this economy is rough on all forms of business!) so, the buyer shoots the dealer in the chest-through and through. The dealer must have some awesome juju, cos the shot just went thru and hit no major organs or blood vessels. He just needed stitches, and he was out (actually, I think I saw him on my "guest list". It's the list the jail sends me everyday to tell me who we're currently hosting). This is a good enough story, right? Welll....
The dealer, after getting shot in the chest (or as I call it, "center of mass"...where I aim for) pulls out HIS gun (note to self: when doing a drug deal, always bring my own gun) and shoots buyer in the abdomen (chest wounds must be hell on one's aim). Buyer ends up in hospital in serious condition.
The problem? Boss and I discussed what the better charges are: violating parole (both of them), or possesion/selling marijauna, bath salts,whatever. I'm all about putting the bad guys away for as long as possible-saves me paperwork, especially if they go into the prison system-makes writting them much easier. Boss of course is just letting me ask questions so he can show off his awesome knowledge of the law. Me, I'm just figuring out what's the meanest thing we can do to these guys, short of putting them on an island and letting them finish the job.
Oh, and the other question I'm mulling this weekend (I always mull the weird cases over the weekend...and watch the news to see what kind of new file I'll have to open on MOnday) is either a double homicide/suicide or a triple homicide, arson to top it off. We finally got the autopsy reports and I read them. WORST THING YOU CAN READ ON AN AUTOPSY REPORT: "Cause of death indeterminate". so I got one homicide, and 2 indeterminate. Thank goodness we have this great thing called a sheriff's dept who does the investigation!!! Boss didn't read the autopsies, but I did. He asked me why (not in a bad way) and I just told him I wanted to see what jumps out at me. I do have some medical knowledge, so I told him a few things we could rule out. He was impressed. Sadly, I think this one will leave a lot of unanswered questions.
so, you do drug court? How does that work? You guys test the drugs and decide which ones are the worst, LOL? We have recovery court. It's for drugs and drinks. I'm not sure how effective it is...I see a lot of reports where the defendant just says, after a month or so of recovery court "forget it! I'd rather do the 90 days in jail than this stuff!" Makes me wonder what goes on in there. Our assistant prosecutor goes to that court, I tell her to lay off the wine and maybe she won't have to go....:)
Are you tired of being tired? I'm still tired, after 2 years but that might be because I took this job 1 month after finishing rads. Take it easy when you go back, take naps on your lunch hour (1/2 the little town I work in know I nap in my car cos I'm exhausted, the other half just think I'm drunk and might need recovery court!)
I envy you working for a judge. That's awesome! You must have some really big cases. And you get to follow them all the way through? that's great. I very rarely get to go to court, except for my child support cases (I'm that awful child support lady in our county) or when a certain bad guy is in da house...he's the reason I carry, so I've invested a lot of time and training and money because of him....oh, and the best part???? He has decided to go pro per....it's a hoot to watch him in court!
Are you laughing yet? And no, I still haven't gotten the contact info on the parrot...but his owner is in our jail. I wonder who is feeding the parrot?!
Stay rested!
...0 -
...but my head is spinning!bluwillo said:OK, this week's CrazyTown report:
We had a guy on parole who's a drug dealer. He went to another guy to do what most drug dealers do...sell some drugs. Only problem was, his buyer thought the price a tad too high (hey, this economy is rough on all forms of business!) so, the buyer shoots the dealer in the chest-through and through. The dealer must have some awesome juju, cos the shot just went thru and hit no major organs or blood vessels. He just needed stitches, and he was out (actually, I think I saw him on my "guest list". It's the list the jail sends me everyday to tell me who we're currently hosting). This is a good enough story, right? Welll....
The dealer, after getting shot in the chest (or as I call it, "center of mass"...where I aim for) pulls out HIS gun (note to self: when doing a drug deal, always bring my own gun) and shoots buyer in the abdomen (chest wounds must be hell on one's aim). Buyer ends up in hospital in serious condition.
The problem? Boss and I discussed what the better charges are: violating parole (both of them), or possesion/selling marijauna, bath salts,whatever. I'm all about putting the bad guys away for as long as possible-saves me paperwork, especially if they go into the prison system-makes writting them much easier. Boss of course is just letting me ask questions so he can show off his awesome knowledge of the law. Me, I'm just figuring out what's the meanest thing we can do to these guys, short of putting them on an island and letting them finish the job.
Oh, and the other question I'm mulling this weekend (I always mull the weird cases over the weekend...and watch the news to see what kind of new file I'll have to open on MOnday) is either a double homicide/suicide or a triple homicide, arson to top it off. We finally got the autopsy reports and I read them. WORST THING YOU CAN READ ON AN AUTOPSY REPORT: "Cause of death indeterminate". so I got one homicide, and 2 indeterminate. Thank goodness we have this great thing called a sheriff's dept who does the investigation!!! Boss didn't read the autopsies, but I did. He asked me why (not in a bad way) and I just told him I wanted to see what jumps out at me. I do have some medical knowledge, so I told him a few things we could rule out. He was impressed. Sadly, I think this one will leave a lot of unanswered questions.
so, you do drug court? How does that work? You guys test the drugs and decide which ones are the worst, LOL? We have recovery court. It's for drugs and drinks. I'm not sure how effective it is...I see a lot of reports where the defendant just says, after a month or so of recovery court "forget it! I'd rather do the 90 days in jail than this stuff!" Makes me wonder what goes on in there. Our assistant prosecutor goes to that court, I tell her to lay off the wine and maybe she won't have to go....:)
Are you tired of being tired? I'm still tired, after 2 years but that might be because I took this job 1 month after finishing rads. Take it easy when you go back, take naps on your lunch hour (1/2 the little town I work in know I nap in my car cos I'm exhausted, the other half just think I'm drunk and might need recovery court!)
I envy you working for a judge. That's awesome! You must have some really big cases. And you get to follow them all the way through? that's great. I very rarely get to go to court, except for my child support cases (I'm that awful child support lady in our county) or when a certain bad guy is in da house...he's the reason I carry, so I've invested a lot of time and training and money because of him....oh, and the best part???? He has decided to go pro per....it's a hoot to watch him in court!
Are you laughing yet? And no, I still haven't gotten the contact info on the parrot...but his owner is in our jail. I wonder who is feeding the parrot?!
Stay rested!
...but my head is spinning!0 -
More in a moment...I want tobluwillo said:OK, this week's CrazyTown report:
We had a guy on parole who's a drug dealer. He went to another guy to do what most drug dealers do...sell some drugs. Only problem was, his buyer thought the price a tad too high (hey, this economy is rough on all forms of business!) so, the buyer shoots the dealer in the chest-through and through. The dealer must have some awesome juju, cos the shot just went thru and hit no major organs or blood vessels. He just needed stitches, and he was out (actually, I think I saw him on my "guest list". It's the list the jail sends me everyday to tell me who we're currently hosting). This is a good enough story, right? Welll....
The dealer, after getting shot in the chest (or as I call it, "center of mass"...where I aim for) pulls out HIS gun (note to self: when doing a drug deal, always bring my own gun) and shoots buyer in the abdomen (chest wounds must be hell on one's aim). Buyer ends up in hospital in serious condition.
The problem? Boss and I discussed what the better charges are: violating parole (both of them), or possesion/selling marijauna, bath salts,whatever. I'm all about putting the bad guys away for as long as possible-saves me paperwork, especially if they go into the prison system-makes writting them much easier. Boss of course is just letting me ask questions so he can show off his awesome knowledge of the law. Me, I'm just figuring out what's the meanest thing we can do to these guys, short of putting them on an island and letting them finish the job.
Oh, and the other question I'm mulling this weekend (I always mull the weird cases over the weekend...and watch the news to see what kind of new file I'll have to open on MOnday) is either a double homicide/suicide or a triple homicide, arson to top it off. We finally got the autopsy reports and I read them. WORST THING YOU CAN READ ON AN AUTOPSY REPORT: "Cause of death indeterminate". so I got one homicide, and 2 indeterminate. Thank goodness we have this great thing called a sheriff's dept who does the investigation!!! Boss didn't read the autopsies, but I did. He asked me why (not in a bad way) and I just told him I wanted to see what jumps out at me. I do have some medical knowledge, so I told him a few things we could rule out. He was impressed. Sadly, I think this one will leave a lot of unanswered questions.
so, you do drug court? How does that work? You guys test the drugs and decide which ones are the worst, LOL? We have recovery court. It's for drugs and drinks. I'm not sure how effective it is...I see a lot of reports where the defendant just says, after a month or so of recovery court "forget it! I'd rather do the 90 days in jail than this stuff!" Makes me wonder what goes on in there. Our assistant prosecutor goes to that court, I tell her to lay off the wine and maybe she won't have to go....:)
Are you tired of being tired? I'm still tired, after 2 years but that might be because I took this job 1 month after finishing rads. Take it easy when you go back, take naps on your lunch hour (1/2 the little town I work in know I nap in my car cos I'm exhausted, the other half just think I'm drunk and might need recovery court!)
I envy you working for a judge. That's awesome! You must have some really big cases. And you get to follow them all the way through? that's great. I very rarely get to go to court, except for my child support cases (I'm that awful child support lady in our county) or when a certain bad guy is in da house...he's the reason I carry, so I've invested a lot of time and training and money because of him....oh, and the best part???? He has decided to go pro per....it's a hoot to watch him in court!
Are you laughing yet? And no, I still haven't gotten the contact info on the parrot...but his owner is in our jail. I wonder who is feeding the parrot?!
Stay rested!
More in a moment...I want to read what else you just wrote. Crazytown.0 -
Your cases sounds about as crazybluwillo said:OK, this week's CrazyTown report:
We had a guy on parole who's a drug dealer. He went to another guy to do what most drug dealers do...sell some drugs. Only problem was, his buyer thought the price a tad too high (hey, this economy is rough on all forms of business!) so, the buyer shoots the dealer in the chest-through and through. The dealer must have some awesome juju, cos the shot just went thru and hit no major organs or blood vessels. He just needed stitches, and he was out (actually, I think I saw him on my "guest list". It's the list the jail sends me everyday to tell me who we're currently hosting). This is a good enough story, right? Welll....
The dealer, after getting shot in the chest (or as I call it, "center of mass"...where I aim for) pulls out HIS gun (note to self: when doing a drug deal, always bring my own gun) and shoots buyer in the abdomen (chest wounds must be hell on one's aim). Buyer ends up in hospital in serious condition.
The problem? Boss and I discussed what the better charges are: violating parole (both of them), or possesion/selling marijauna, bath salts,whatever. I'm all about putting the bad guys away for as long as possible-saves me paperwork, especially if they go into the prison system-makes writting them much easier. Boss of course is just letting me ask questions so he can show off his awesome knowledge of the law. Me, I'm just figuring out what's the meanest thing we can do to these guys, short of putting them on an island and letting them finish the job.
Oh, and the other question I'm mulling this weekend (I always mull the weird cases over the weekend...and watch the news to see what kind of new file I'll have to open on MOnday) is either a double homicide/suicide or a triple homicide, arson to top it off. We finally got the autopsy reports and I read them. WORST THING YOU CAN READ ON AN AUTOPSY REPORT: "Cause of death indeterminate". so I got one homicide, and 2 indeterminate. Thank goodness we have this great thing called a sheriff's dept who does the investigation!!! Boss didn't read the autopsies, but I did. He asked me why (not in a bad way) and I just told him I wanted to see what jumps out at me. I do have some medical knowledge, so I told him a few things we could rule out. He was impressed. Sadly, I think this one will leave a lot of unanswered questions.
so, you do drug court? How does that work? You guys test the drugs and decide which ones are the worst, LOL? We have recovery court. It's for drugs and drinks. I'm not sure how effective it is...I see a lot of reports where the defendant just says, after a month or so of recovery court "forget it! I'd rather do the 90 days in jail than this stuff!" Makes me wonder what goes on in there. Our assistant prosecutor goes to that court, I tell her to lay off the wine and maybe she won't have to go....:)
Are you tired of being tired? I'm still tired, after 2 years but that might be because I took this job 1 month after finishing rads. Take it easy when you go back, take naps on your lunch hour (1/2 the little town I work in know I nap in my car cos I'm exhausted, the other half just think I'm drunk and might need recovery court!)
I envy you working for a judge. That's awesome! You must have some really big cases. And you get to follow them all the way through? that's great. I very rarely get to go to court, except for my child support cases (I'm that awful child support lady in our county) or when a certain bad guy is in da house...he's the reason I carry, so I've invested a lot of time and training and money because of him....oh, and the best part???? He has decided to go pro per....it's a hoot to watch him in court!
Are you laughing yet? And no, I still haven't gotten the contact info on the parrot...but his owner is in our jail. I wonder who is feeding the parrot?!
Stay rested!
...as mine. We do felony trials so it's everything from rape to murder to assault to LOTS of drug cases. Then once a week we do what is aptly called "judicial diversion" aka drug court, where we screen eligible drug offenders for rehab programs and monitor the ones who get in. If they screw up we deal with that and if they succeed then their cases get dismissed. As we are in Manhattan, we work with a big-time prosecutor's office and some high-profile defense lawyers. But we do get the occasional defendant who wants to represent themselves and they can be entertaining...or painful to watch. While I have been out, my judge was supposed to try a sex-trafficking case with a defendant who was pro se (or pro per as ya'll call it). Judge said his pre=trial motion papers were very well prepared, so she thought he might do a capable job before a jury. I look forward to getting back and hearing about that one.
I just finished rads on 8/29 and I am still pretty whipped. Got burnes very badly but my skin is healing quickly. I am nervous about being able to keep my stamina up for my long commute to NYC from the suburbs of Central NJ. So I have been walking around my block each day, trying to get my strength up. Otherwise, I am doing a whole lot of nothing, other than some laundry here and there. Just taking it easy. Trying to get my mind right!
You are so blessed to have a "good" sister. My siblings suck. I love them, but they have been utterly useless throughout this journey. When I called to tell my one (step) sister my diagnosis, she rushed me off the phone, then yelled at me later when I couldn't answer all of HER questions. I didn't speak to her for week because she was so mean. Then one of my (adopted) brothers (I have two) I am close to but he has found every excuse in the world not to visit me since my diagnosis. Then he gets mad at ME because I get disappointed when he doesn't show up. He is very young though (only 21 this year), and I am old enouggh to be his mother (49!), so he gets a pass. My other, also young brother I haven't spoken to in months because he was abusive to our mother and was abusing marijuana (I keept begging him to stop...it was changing his personality). But he did call me before surgery in May and wished me well. When he complained to our mother that I didn't return his call, our mother told him "too liitle too late." I'm kinda done with the whole lot of siblings I have acquired...but I love them from a distance.0 -
You are not alone and neverbluwillo said:OK, this week's CrazyTown report:
We had a guy on parole who's a drug dealer. He went to another guy to do what most drug dealers do...sell some drugs. Only problem was, his buyer thought the price a tad too high (hey, this economy is rough on all forms of business!) so, the buyer shoots the dealer in the chest-through and through. The dealer must have some awesome juju, cos the shot just went thru and hit no major organs or blood vessels. He just needed stitches, and he was out (actually, I think I saw him on my "guest list". It's the list the jail sends me everyday to tell me who we're currently hosting). This is a good enough story, right? Welll....
The dealer, after getting shot in the chest (or as I call it, "center of mass"...where I aim for) pulls out HIS gun (note to self: when doing a drug deal, always bring my own gun) and shoots buyer in the abdomen (chest wounds must be hell on one's aim). Buyer ends up in hospital in serious condition.
The problem? Boss and I discussed what the better charges are: violating parole (both of them), or possesion/selling marijauna, bath salts,whatever. I'm all about putting the bad guys away for as long as possible-saves me paperwork, especially if they go into the prison system-makes writting them much easier. Boss of course is just letting me ask questions so he can show off his awesome knowledge of the law. Me, I'm just figuring out what's the meanest thing we can do to these guys, short of putting them on an island and letting them finish the job.
Oh, and the other question I'm mulling this weekend (I always mull the weird cases over the weekend...and watch the news to see what kind of new file I'll have to open on MOnday) is either a double homicide/suicide or a triple homicide, arson to top it off. We finally got the autopsy reports and I read them. WORST THING YOU CAN READ ON AN AUTOPSY REPORT: "Cause of death indeterminate". so I got one homicide, and 2 indeterminate. Thank goodness we have this great thing called a sheriff's dept who does the investigation!!! Boss didn't read the autopsies, but I did. He asked me why (not in a bad way) and I just told him I wanted to see what jumps out at me. I do have some medical knowledge, so I told him a few things we could rule out. He was impressed. Sadly, I think this one will leave a lot of unanswered questions.
so, you do drug court? How does that work? You guys test the drugs and decide which ones are the worst, LOL? We have recovery court. It's for drugs and drinks. I'm not sure how effective it is...I see a lot of reports where the defendant just says, after a month or so of recovery court "forget it! I'd rather do the 90 days in jail than this stuff!" Makes me wonder what goes on in there. Our assistant prosecutor goes to that court, I tell her to lay off the wine and maybe she won't have to go....:)
Are you tired of being tired? I'm still tired, after 2 years but that might be because I took this job 1 month after finishing rads. Take it easy when you go back, take naps on your lunch hour (1/2 the little town I work in know I nap in my car cos I'm exhausted, the other half just think I'm drunk and might need recovery court!)
I envy you working for a judge. That's awesome! You must have some really big cases. And you get to follow them all the way through? that's great. I very rarely get to go to court, except for my child support cases (I'm that awful child support lady in our county) or when a certain bad guy is in da house...he's the reason I carry, so I've invested a lot of time and training and money because of him....oh, and the best part???? He has decided to go pro per....it's a hoot to watch him in court!
Are you laughing yet? And no, I still haven't gotten the contact info on the parrot...but his owner is in our jail. I wonder who is feeding the parrot?!
Stay rested!
You are not alone and never will be! You've got all of US! And, we aren't going anywhere!
Hugs, Diane0 -
You are not alone and neverbluwillo said:OK, this week's CrazyTown report:
We had a guy on parole who's a drug dealer. He went to another guy to do what most drug dealers do...sell some drugs. Only problem was, his buyer thought the price a tad too high (hey, this economy is rough on all forms of business!) so, the buyer shoots the dealer in the chest-through and through. The dealer must have some awesome juju, cos the shot just went thru and hit no major organs or blood vessels. He just needed stitches, and he was out (actually, I think I saw him on my "guest list". It's the list the jail sends me everyday to tell me who we're currently hosting). This is a good enough story, right? Welll....
The dealer, after getting shot in the chest (or as I call it, "center of mass"...where I aim for) pulls out HIS gun (note to self: when doing a drug deal, always bring my own gun) and shoots buyer in the abdomen (chest wounds must be hell on one's aim). Buyer ends up in hospital in serious condition.
The problem? Boss and I discussed what the better charges are: violating parole (both of them), or possesion/selling marijauna, bath salts,whatever. I'm all about putting the bad guys away for as long as possible-saves me paperwork, especially if they go into the prison system-makes writting them much easier. Boss of course is just letting me ask questions so he can show off his awesome knowledge of the law. Me, I'm just figuring out what's the meanest thing we can do to these guys, short of putting them on an island and letting them finish the job.
Oh, and the other question I'm mulling this weekend (I always mull the weird cases over the weekend...and watch the news to see what kind of new file I'll have to open on MOnday) is either a double homicide/suicide or a triple homicide, arson to top it off. We finally got the autopsy reports and I read them. WORST THING YOU CAN READ ON AN AUTOPSY REPORT: "Cause of death indeterminate". so I got one homicide, and 2 indeterminate. Thank goodness we have this great thing called a sheriff's dept who does the investigation!!! Boss didn't read the autopsies, but I did. He asked me why (not in a bad way) and I just told him I wanted to see what jumps out at me. I do have some medical knowledge, so I told him a few things we could rule out. He was impressed. Sadly, I think this one will leave a lot of unanswered questions.
so, you do drug court? How does that work? You guys test the drugs and decide which ones are the worst, LOL? We have recovery court. It's for drugs and drinks. I'm not sure how effective it is...I see a lot of reports where the defendant just says, after a month or so of recovery court "forget it! I'd rather do the 90 days in jail than this stuff!" Makes me wonder what goes on in there. Our assistant prosecutor goes to that court, I tell her to lay off the wine and maybe she won't have to go....:)
Are you tired of being tired? I'm still tired, after 2 years but that might be because I took this job 1 month after finishing rads. Take it easy when you go back, take naps on your lunch hour (1/2 the little town I work in know I nap in my car cos I'm exhausted, the other half just think I'm drunk and might need recovery court!)
I envy you working for a judge. That's awesome! You must have some really big cases. And you get to follow them all the way through? that's great. I very rarely get to go to court, except for my child support cases (I'm that awful child support lady in our county) or when a certain bad guy is in da house...he's the reason I carry, so I've invested a lot of time and training and money because of him....oh, and the best part???? He has decided to go pro per....it's a hoot to watch him in court!
Are you laughing yet? And no, I still haven't gotten the contact info on the parrot...but his owner is in our jail. I wonder who is feeding the parrot?!
Stay rested!
You are not alone and never will be! You've got all of US! And, we aren't going anywhere!
Hugs, Diane0 -
No Siblings...Attygirl said:So good to know, Diane!
That's why I am here now.
Thank you!
Always wanted a sister and look....I now have more than I can count! Friends have come and gone....my sister in law (husband's brother's wife) is a 22 year bc survivor and she came to take care of me when I had my lumpectomy...3 years ago...at the time, when she told me this, I thought nah, that won't happen to me,....she said "You'll find out who you're real friend's are".....she hit it it spot on! as I am STILL fighting the beast (stageIV but in remission.) I've posted this before, one "friend" of 23 years lives 3 houses down....in 3 years, she has never so much as walked down the street, or picked up a phone..oh! She's not a "phone" person.....I have very little contact with her...but our husbands are close....the ones who have disappeared, "Ta Ta" ...bye bye!....don't call me I'll call you...not! My closest friend of 28 years is still with me, but she's busy spending her money(millions) from the sale of her share of a family business...I feel her drifting away now...I won't be throwing her a life line....lol....the one GOOD friend I do have was merely a very, very casual friend...she developed bc 21/2 yrs. ago....not to pat myself on the back but I stepped up to the plate for her....I was in my first remission then....got her through 3 surgeries and rads.....then Melenoma.....she's fine now and can't do enough for me....love her to pieces! She gets it!
I'm rambling.........and we aren't contagious! I want to shout that from the roof tops! So "my sisters" we're here for one another....I wish we could ALL MEET face to face one day....I envy those wo have met in person.....
Hugs, Nancy0 -
Oh NancyMAJW said:No Siblings...
Always wanted a sister and look....I now have more than I can count! Friends have come and gone....my sister in law (husband's brother's wife) is a 22 year bc survivor and she came to take care of me when I had my lumpectomy...3 years ago...at the time, when she told me this, I thought nah, that won't happen to me,....she said "You'll find out who you're real friend's are".....she hit it it spot on! as I am STILL fighting the beast (stageIV but in remission.) I've posted this before, one "friend" of 23 years lives 3 houses down....in 3 years, she has never so much as walked down the street, or picked up a phone..oh! She's not a "phone" person.....I have very little contact with her...but our husbands are close....the ones who have disappeared, "Ta Ta" ...bye bye!....don't call me I'll call you...not! My closest friend of 28 years is still with me, but she's busy spending her money(millions) from the sale of her share of a family business...I feel her drifting away now...I won't be throwing her a life line....lol....the one GOOD friend I do have was merely a very, very casual friend...she developed bc 21/2 yrs. ago....not to pat myself on the back but I stepped up to the plate for her....I was in my first remission then....got her through 3 surgeries and rads.....then Melenoma.....she's fine now and can't do enough for me....love her to pieces! She gets it!
I'm rambling.........and we aren't contagious! I want to shout that from the roof tops! So "my sisters" we're here for one another....I wish we could ALL MEET face to face one day....I envy those wo have met in person.....
Hugs, Nancy
You are not rambling at all! This was so good for me to read tonight because just today I received a nasty text from someone I thought was a friend but she got mad at me over some nonsense in July...and has been making my life miserable ever since. Who does that?
You deserve a hug for all that you did for your friend...and she for all that she has done for you! True friendship.0 -
Me too:(
My friends were plenty in the beginning as well. As time went on, they all disappeared. I always wanted a sister, my Mom told me just 3 years before she died of lung cancer in 07 that I have a sister (she was Catholic, 15, in 1960, and hidden by shame in a home for unwed mothers, long sad story). After searching for years, I found her, and I was so excited to finally meet her, but then the next part came, "were very sorry Kari but your sister is deceased" she was 42 and passed away from, guess, yep, the beast. I cried and cried and cried, then I realized how lonely this disease is, I cry every time I go alone to almost every appt now, when once upon a time, my friends/family filled the room, now the room is empty but I feel all of you with me and I thank God for all of you!!
Hang in there Attygirl and remember we're all here, Always!
Miles of Love,
Kari0 -
Wow, Karipinkkari09 said:Me too:(
My friends were plenty in the beginning as well. As time went on, they all disappeared. I always wanted a sister, my Mom told me just 3 years before she died of lung cancer in 07 that I have a sister (she was Catholic, 15, in 1960, and hidden by shame in a home for unwed mothers, long sad story). After searching for years, I found her, and I was so excited to finally meet her, but then the next part came, "were very sorry Kari but your sister is deceased" she was 42 and passed away from, guess, yep, the beast. I cried and cried and cried, then I realized how lonely this disease is, I cry every time I go alone to almost every appt now, when once upon a time, my friends/family filled the room, now the room is empty but I feel all of you with me and I thank God for all of you!!
Hang in there Attygirl and remember we're all here, Always!
Miles of Love,
Kari
I'm blown away by that story...and your generous spirit.
So sorry you lost your mom and didn't get to meet your sister. And I hate that you have to go to appointments alone. I'm heaing that a lot here. No one should have to do that, unless by choice. If you live in the NY/NJ/CT/PA area, let me know...
X00 -
not alonepinkkari09 said:Me too:(
My friends were plenty in the beginning as well. As time went on, they all disappeared. I always wanted a sister, my Mom told me just 3 years before she died of lung cancer in 07 that I have a sister (she was Catholic, 15, in 1960, and hidden by shame in a home for unwed mothers, long sad story). After searching for years, I found her, and I was so excited to finally meet her, but then the next part came, "were very sorry Kari but your sister is deceased" she was 42 and passed away from, guess, yep, the beast. I cried and cried and cried, then I realized how lonely this disease is, I cry every time I go alone to almost every appt now, when once upon a time, my friends/family filled the room, now the room is empty but I feel all of you with me and I thank God for all of you!!
Hang in there Attygirl and remember we're all here, Always!
Miles of Love,
Kari
Wow, so many courageous women. I am happy to have found this board, it's Friday nite and you all are in my thoughts and prayers. In the past, I would be doing many different things, but now I have begun 'let go' of that past. It's not so easy to do that with people, but sometimes we are better off living our lives under our priorities alone. I have lost many of my friends and relatives to cancer in the past decade, but they all give me immense strength. Also some tears, but that is important for they always will be with us in spirit.
My heart goes out to you all,
Annie0 -
The nasty text?Attygirl said:Oh Nancy
You are not rambling at all! This was so good for me to read tonight because just today I received a nasty text from someone I thought was a friend but she got mad at me over some nonsense in July...and has been making my life miserable ever since. Who does that?
You deserve a hug for all that you did for your friend...and she for all that she has done for you! True friendship.
Wow, that person needs a reality check. You know what I am doing, Attygirl?...I am stopping before I react these days to reassess. They say it is a sign of insanity to do the same thing over and over expecting different results. And all of my life I've reacted to things the same way and wondered why it just kept turning out the way it did. So, now even if it is a minor change (for the good) that is what I am doing. For instance, if I had gotten a text like you maybe the old me would have immediately defended myself...but now maybe, just maybe, I would hit "delete" and with all of my effort push the thought of it out of my mind and bake some cookies for the neighbor. And let the accusation and wicked attack run the course of its own energy without me fueling it.
Just a little gramma advice. I am just now trying this after my own cancer diagnosis and brush with people who would do me harm.
Right now you need some comfort, and i wish we all could live closer and be there for you. I think our pain of loneliness will make us better at comforting when it is our turn, don't you? Have you made any new friends in your daily life?
Hugs,
Rebecca0 -
Just saw your reply, Rebeccarallendorfer said:The nasty text?
Wow, that person needs a reality check. You know what I am doing, Attygirl?...I am stopping before I react these days to reassess. They say it is a sign of insanity to do the same thing over and over expecting different results. And all of my life I've reacted to things the same way and wondered why it just kept turning out the way it did. So, now even if it is a minor change (for the good) that is what I am doing. For instance, if I had gotten a text like you maybe the old me would have immediately defended myself...but now maybe, just maybe, I would hit "delete" and with all of my effort push the thought of it out of my mind and bake some cookies for the neighbor. And let the accusation and wicked attack run the course of its own energy without me fueling it.
Just a little gramma advice. I am just now trying this after my own cancer diagnosis and brush with people who would do me harm.
Right now you need some comfort, and i wish we all could live closer and be there for you. I think our pain of loneliness will make us better at comforting when it is our turn, don't you? Have you made any new friends in your daily life?
Hugs,
Rebecca
I love your approach...hit delete and let the attack run its course without fueling it...LOVE IT!
So true about us now being good comforters. When I am stronger, I plan to use my energy to transport women to treatment who have no car, or something like that. Can't wait to help out in a tangible way.
I made a potential new friend at radiation...invited her to brunch soon. We seem to have more than breast cancer in common. Not that we need much else!0 -
Annie...hope4thebest said:not alone
Wow, so many courageous women. I am happy to have found this board, it's Friday nite and you all are in my thoughts and prayers. In the past, I would be doing many different things, but now I have begun 'let go' of that past. It's not so easy to do that with people, but sometimes we are better off living our lives under our priorities alone. I have lost many of my friends and relatives to cancer in the past decade, but they all give me immense strength. Also some tears, but that is important for they always will be with us in spirit.
My heart goes out to you all,
Annie
So true...and so sweet.
Bless you!0
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