It has been a rough two years

Hello to my old friends and to all the new members on here:

As some of you remember me, I lost my beloved husband Eddie, age 56, to stage four ec cancer back on September 15, 2010, then a week later, I lost my beloved Mom on September 24, 2010. I would like to say first, that I am very saddened to see that Loretta and Bill Marshall are no longer able to post on this site. I cannot say enough about Bill Marshall. When I first came onto this site, he was the first person to write to me personally on what was this horrible cancer, what to expect, how to deal with the doctors, how to deal with my very angry husband, who was given less than six months to live, which he did live for eleven months. Well, if that is what you would like to call it, living.
He did six months of aggresive chemo then they found a met in his brain, which led to two more months of whole brain radiation, which did nothing, actually the brain tumor grew and we never told Ed about it, at that point, he was not on this planet, lets say. It was Bill Marshall that I cried to daily, that I went to like a Dad, since my Dad had passed away many years ago. He was the one who would talk to me honestly and directly. I cannot say enough about a man who spents endless hours trying to help people, like myself, deal with this horrible diagnosis, whether its you, a patient, or a spouse or a child.

Mr. Marshall was always there, always an email away. I do not know the entire story as to why he is not here anymore, but just wanted to say how sorry I was to see that he is not here. There are many newbies that are missing out on such an informational man with great knowledge about this cancer, since he had battled it himself years ago and knows so much about it.

Well I just wanted to let my old friends know how Diana and I are doing. It has been two years since Ed's death and our lives have changed forever. We have moved into a smaller home five minutes from the house we lived in with Eddie for seventeen years. For financial reasons, this move was necessary. We have been here just over a month and honestly, I have to tell you, that I wake up every morning and say "what happened to my life". I am not over it, I don't know if you ever get over it. Some people look at me and say " well, it's been two years, you must be doing well". What a joke, what is well?
I have lost my best friend, the love of my life, the father of my only child, my house, what is well, I ask? Life is different, I eat alone alot of the time, I spend endless hours alone, I haven't worked in years and don't know how to fit into the "new work world", I will be 59 years old on the 25th of this month. Sometimes we are deal a bad deck of cards and I believe that it takes a long time to figure out our "new life". Diana is doing better than I, I believe it's because she has a whole life ahead of her, she is only 24 years old, she is working part time and I will say, she misses her Dad alot. She adored Eddie, they did everything together.

I am plucking away, day by day, hoping that this saddness in my heart will go away, but I have figured out, it really never does. I stopped posting on here for a while now because it just was too hard and it broke my heart to read all the stories, which just reminded me of how I felt, what we went through and how it ended.

Sherri was another person who helped me so much. I do not see her on here anymore either.
She, Bill, helped me in so many ways and it's just too bad that they are not here helping all of you who need them.

I hope I don't sound too negative, but this weekend was Ed's 2nd anniversary and I'm very sad again. I am trying my best to move on, believe me I am. Sometimes the new life that we are thrown into just feels odd. I can remember back in october of 2009, when Eddie first got sick and diagnosed, that my world felt "odd". Still does.

Praying for all of you and wishing all of you the best.

Love

Linda