Staying with the plan vs moving on

onlyhuman
onlyhuman Member Posts: 99
in Grief and Bereavement #1
We are 2 days away from our 3 weeks holiday to San Francisco and LA. After our second child was born in 2006 hubby and I pencilled in this trip for this year for our family. Both girls would be old enough to enjoy the trip. It will be 3 years this December since we lost him to GBM. I decided at the start of this year to go ahead with the trip in spite of the expense.
I realised yesterday though that I am still carying out plans we made together. In the last 3 years I have discovered a new me, a me created because of the relationship we had and because of my new reality but this new me has made no new plans yet.
I know there is no manual and no right way but I am wondering if it may be time to do new unplanned things.It scares me and makes me pine for what we had but its a bit like not letting go of a favourite well-loved item. I will always love him but really I do him, his memory and our love no justice by refusing to grow because it may take me away from what we had.
I am just going to let this sit for a bit. I am off to our first family holiday since we lost him and I think its time to relax for a bit and allow joy back into our lives.
Love and light
Sangeeta

Comments

  • jaycc
    jaycc Member Posts: 122
    #2
    Finishing adventures and Starting new ones
    Sounds like a good idea to relax a bit. For what it is worth, I think of it 2 ways. (borrowing from the movie UP). There are adventures to finish and new ones to start. I took my kids to Ireland , a trip we always hoped to do. It was great. Showing them a life in a different place. Felt pretty good.
    I remember the first group of people I sat down with at a holiday gathering. Very hard to walk down the hallway to their table, but I got there. Small group which was good for me. Very kind, a few of them made a joke or two. It was good to see and hear them laugh.

    It is weird how cancer is always referred to as the battle against cancer. Now it seems like we put on the armor again. This time we take the battlefield , that some how, some way, we need to fight the battle, and find a way to be happy again. As you said his memory is not minimized in anyway, if you start to rebuild and grow.
  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #3
    Both
    There is no reason why you can't do both, things you planned together and new plans. I have carried out some plans we had together and some of my own. It will be three years next month for me. I'm sure you and the girls will enjoy a trip to my home state. Making new plans is a bit scary. I took my first solo trip in 45 years last month and I have another planned for this month. Last month's was unplanned but it has given me more confidence for the one coming up. We do have to step out of our comfort zone now and then. However, I think you actually are making your own plans already. You are the one who decided to carry through with this trip. You are the single mother braving a trip with your girls. You are the one who has grown and found new strength. Relax and enjoy. Fay

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