I am 25 year old caregiver to an active duty soldier and can I say Wow this really takes a toll.

Back in 2010 we found out my husband had mds/aml. I was pregnant with our third child and he was getting ready to deploy, I mean basically when it rains it pours. My husband has always been very healthy and active, independent, and a leader I mean goodness he has been in the army for 12 going on 13 years. Some days I never know if he is in a good mood or a bad mood. The first go round of chemo back in January of 2012 was horrible they thought he had the shingles he broke out in a rash in the hospital and then it just seemed like I could do nothing right, everything I did he didn't really appreciate it well he stayed in the hospital for 45 days my one year old was 12 hours away with my mom and I just felt like a wreck not only did he lose 45 lbs but i went from 100lbs to 82lbs. I remember us arguing in the hospital and I am a southern woman raised in louisiana and what I felt like I stooped to was just unbelievable. I cried myself to sleep the next morning I felt guilty but at 4:30am I got up packed my things and said you know I am leaving to go make me a doctors appointment because I can't do this alone mentally and off I went I had an emotional/nervous breakdown while driving an hour to my house, I seen a doctor and found out I wasn't going completely crazy that this was all part of it. I returned back to the hospital 3 days later and felt a little better and his attitude was alot better. Anyways his second chemo went great for him and me both. I didn't stay just about the whole time, call me selfish but I couldn't do it. I felt like I am also a mom and I also needed to take care of myself and daughter first. I would visit him one day a week and would stay the night, we got along a lot better. So now he has went through his third round of chemo and did 3 days of radiation full body, and on friday september 7, 2012 he had a double cord blood transplant and it went great, then saturday evening it hit he had severe nausea, really watery bowel movements, and a severe migrane needless to say he ended back in the hospital. They can't seem to figure out what is causing this migrane or headache that won't go away. I am right across the street this time and when I feel an argument coming on I just leave. I kiss him tell him I love him and say I am only a phone call away. My daughter is with my dad this go round and she is only 5 hrs away which is way better than 12 hours but she is my angel/rock and I hate I have to let other people take care of her. I also hate the emotional roller coaster that goes on with my husband I mean one day he is fine has a great attitude and very appreciative of me and the next day he just wants to argue. I am a christian woman and I pray for strength to get through this but there are some days I want to scream at him or throw something but I know this is a phase and I am hoping it gets better. Because I know I am a good wife and mother but I don't know how to be a good caregiver. Because when he is sick my motherly instinct takes over but yet he won't let me help him. I am a very nice person and I have a back bone to strangers or other people I know just not toward him, I understand I am suppose to be in control but he doesn't really allow me has anyone else felt this way with their spouse