I feel so guilty...

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  • pat770
    pat770 Member Posts: 1
    #22
    grandmafay said:

    Vent Away
    I am one of those who lost my husband after a six year battle. I'm not offended at all. You are grieving for the life you expected. The one you had before cancer entered your life. Now you know that you are mortal beings, and that is scary. You're right, your lives will never be the same. Cancer changes so many things. Now you have to wonder what the next test or scan will show. You both live in fear that this monster will come back. You're lashing out at her because she is the most important person in your life. You are tired and scared. Sounds pretty normat to me. Sure, there are times when all of us caregivers get mad. Sometimes we want to run away from home. Sometimes we blame the person instead of the disease. We know it's not reasonable. Ok, so vent. This is a good place to do that. Talk to your partner when you are calm. Hopefully, you are able to share your feelings while admitting that you know they aren't reasonable. You have both been pushing hard to beat the cancer. Now, work on building your new life together. No, it won't be the same. It might even be better. Blessing, Fay

    dealing with cancer and painkillers
    My husband has stage IV cancer and has been on painkillers for over a year. I have a harder time coping with his constant misuse of these pills than I do the cancer. When he takes 2 or 3 times the prescribed amount of painkillers and then runs out...goes through withdrawal, or runs to the doctor for more, it causes fights between us. I hate myself for not being more understanding, but it's difficult to cope when he won't talk with me, or lies about how many pills he's taking during the month...I feel so lost and alone, yet guilty at the same time. Am I wrong in thinking he should take the medication as prescribed? Is this just a matter of time until his pain management doctor finds what will work for him? Is it normal for a doctor to just keep filling more prescriptions every time a cancer patient runs out in the middle of the month?
  • jenniferleitner25
    jenniferleitner25 Member Posts: 2
    #23
    I know this is an old thread
    I know this is an old thread but it is nice knowing that I am not alone in this way of thinking. I think being a caregiver is a hard job, I am a mom an army wife and a caregiver to my husband. I hate sending my daughter who is only 2 away because she doesn't understand. When my husband is sick as a dog I feel so bad and when he is hugging the toilet and throwing up so violently it's a are you kidding me type of feeling. I love my husband dearly but I hate the fact that we can't have a normal life together. I hate that my oldest two who are 8 and 6 knows that one day he may die. I get so mad that he may not be there to see the kids graduate highchool or college or just grow old with me. I as a person can only see what is going on but with him having mds on the verge of aml I don't know what it feels like. I don't know what it feels like to have no energy and I don't mind him taking pain meds to be comfortable but I hate it when he is in the hospital and they make high around the clock.I feel like he is being robbed from his career which he is still active duty but they have him on home duty, I feel robbed because I don't like watching him in pain or getting mad because I think he whines more than I do. I hate when he makes me feel like I am not doing anything right and when we argue I feel bad but I have to leave. But when I leave I am so hurt and angry that he calls and wants me to come back but I can't for atleast a day. Some days I want to tell him to quit complaining but I know this is a horrible disease so I just pray to god to help me get through this. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy I just want to have a normal life

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