that's when I just (long funny-ish story!)

Since my oncologist refuses to prescribe ANY meds for my getting-worse-everyday hip pain I went to my primary care. She did give me a script for the pain but it doesn't even begin to take the edge off the pain. She suggested some therapy and how using a tens(sp?) unit might help.

Sounded promising enough...my bad! So, there I am being evaluated at 'Therapy R Us' and the therapist is showing me some stretching exercises and stuff. After almost ripping out a stitch I decline any further exertions right then but continue to have an open mind about therapy.

The therapist then moves on to showing me some fantastic charts..oh, but wait the background:

When I called to set this up they stressed it would be on the west side and to use the West Entrance. Hmm, Loma Linda is a really big place and ok sure thanks for helpfully pointing that out. Or not. I pull into the parking lot and there's a sign in big letters stating West Entrance. In much smaller letters below, it has OPEN. The sign has a flap above 'open' to drop down..for when I guess it's not open?!! Which makes no difference anyhoo because the sign is located in front of the SOUTH entrance!

Yes, that's right - they just put that west entrance open sign there in front of the south entrance to let everyone know that the west entrance is indeed open that day. I kid you not.

Ahem, so I wend my way thru the labyrinth, fill out paperwork, and must go to room 136 to register. Nobody is there and a few people join me in waiting by the door as it is a very small room. Presently someone comes along and begins the process. By this time I'm caught up in reading their happiness stories framed on the wall and so I'm like third or so. Even though I'm not really paying attention I can hear everything that is being said and it seems somewhat a bit odd to me.

It's my turn, I go into the little room where there are a couple of people sitting there waiting about 2 feet from the desk where I'm standing as she begins. I let her get as far as my first name and that's when I just blurted out What, you guys don't have HIPPA here??!
"Oh" she says with a hand to her mouth. "Oh, yes, yes, we do." Really?!! She is absolutely lost as to what to do at this point. What the heck nobody's perfect, so I still have an open mind. Actually, I'm in pain and if putting up with this eventually helps, then fair enough.

She concludes that I must contact my insurance company myself and ask for preapproval since I haven't been involved in a car accident. Okaaaay, get back to you on that one.
I finally find my way back to the large waiting room where the therapist quickly arrives to take me to the room directly across from room 136! It's huge, filled with equipment and has little exam rooms off to the side. I'm still optimistic.

And that's where we are now. Looking at the nearly life size posters of muscles and such. I tell the therapist right at the begining that I have breast cancer, that I have osteopenia (is that the spin-off cousin of osteoarthritis?!! along with a potassium and vitamin D deficiency currently. Apparently, I need not have bothered to mention any of my history as it wasn't a factor in this therapist's deduction/diagnosis.

Not one to be confused with the facts, like the fact that I've already been diagnosed (AND by an actual doctor at that!)...the therapist, after consulting with the posters, pronounces that what I have is -- wait for it -- referred pain.

I'm still open to therapy and am listening on how referred pain isn't very common and blah, blah,...this while I'm ogling the posters. Absently thinking out loud, I say oh that's the name of that muscle. Huh, the therapist says..oh when I had the abdominal surgery way, way, back when I was 17, I briefly say and go back to looky looing.

But the therapist has had an epiphany of sorts and gets stuck on this. In an effort to reign in some reality I then casually show the therapist my huge vertical scar that goes from my naval down to the top of my pubic area. The wound that had to be cauterized to finally close after 6 months! The wound/scar that has in no way had any effect whatsoever in the past 30 years or so.

The therapist suddenly seizes on THAT being the cause of my hip pain. Not the osteopenia after all. Here I thought I'd be stuck dealing with osteopenia pain the rest of my life. What a relief. What luck to find that it's not referred pain either!

And that's when I just lost it. I began to laugh so hard that tears actually came to my eyes. It took all of my willpower to refrain from saying sooo, this is where those students get hired that go to one of those schools with all those commercials that interupt my programs. Know I am knowing. Yessiree, it surely did take some resolve.

I apologize to all therapists everywhere if this is actually something that occurs.

Nary a mention of any tens(sp?) therapy. I'm thinking of asking my primary to up the meds or possibly another therapy place. I dunno, maybe one where I don't have to contact my insurance myself to get preapproval because I haven't been in a car accident. Or whatever the spiel was..

Anyhoo, thanks for letting me share my obnoxiously long story!
And how was your day?!!


(((Hugs)))