Reflection

I sit here and reflect upon this time last year when I learned I had breast cancer.

Hearing the word cancer .... what an awful, scary, horrible word to hear! I remember feeling this lump while in bed. Everyone in the house was asleep. Except for me. My daughter and son in law had just flown in from Israel to spend a few months with me and my husband. I laid there in bed frozen with fear. I couldn't wake up my husband. I was alone ... alone with fear and this lump. Waiting til morning was the most difficult thing I had to do. Somehow, I managed to get a few hours of sleep. It was blissful. When I awoke, I thought it is was a dream. But when I brushed my hand across my chest, the lump was right there. As real as I am.

I tried hard not to look too upset as I looked at my husband walking towards me. He knew something was wrong right away. I choked back tears as I grabbed his and placed it on my chest. He didn't know what I was doing. I moved his hand gently over the lump and he just stared at me. He didn't know what to say. SO I said "Can you feel the lump?" He nodded. I cried. He wanted to be reassuring and tells me to call the doctor and not make any rash opinions before seeing him.

By now, my daughter is up. She sees my red eyes and asks what's wrong? I couldn't speak. Pete (my husband) tells her about the lump. She grabs me and we both crumble to the floor , embracing one another ... crying. No words. Just tears.

That's how my first day of cancer was. So much has changed since then. I did the surgeries, radiation and started Arimidex in March. I am dancing with NED. My youngest daughter graduated from college in May, my husband is planning his retirement for April 2013 and I just got to celebrate another birthday.

I've shared happiness and joy along with the sadness on this board. I've learned how gracious, strong, persevering and giving each one of you are. You have brought me through the most difficult period of my life (thus far). I honestly do not know how I could have gone through this without you all.

From the bottom of heart ...

I love you all and pray that all of us can help pave the way to a cure for this dreaded disease. It will be our legacy. (Not meaning to sound like death is knocking on our door right now) I know I pray that my daughters will not have to experience this. But if it happens, I certainly hope that they won't have to go through the heartache and pain that each of us has endured.

Please smile for me. I am smiling as I write this. Brighter days are ahead. I can feel it!!!


xoxo
Mary